Sara Kravitz - Just Tell Me What I Want: How to Find Your Purpose When You Have No Idea What It Is

Just Tell Me What I Want

How to Find Your Purpose
When You Have No Idea What It Is

By Sara Kravitz

NEW YORK

NASHVILLEMELBOURNEVANCOUVER

Just Tell Me What I Want

How to Find Your Purpose When You Have No Idea What It Is

2018 Sara Kravitz

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in New York, New York, by Morgan James Publishing in partnership with Difference Press. Morgan James is a trademark of Morgan James, LLC. www.MorganJamesPublishing.com

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ISBN 9781683504900 paperback

ISBN 9781683504917 eBook

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017903413

Initial Cover Design by:

Jennifer Stimson

Cover and Interior Design by:

Chris Treccani

www.3dogcreative.net

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This book is dedicated to everyone who has ever felt scared to be who they are.

Because maybe her secret self is actually her own personal prophet.

Glennon Doyle Melton, Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed

W hen I graduated from high school, my senior quote was, People always say you should be yourself, like yourself is this definite thing, like a toaster. Like you can know what it is even. This quote is from the epic 1994-1995 ABC television show My So-Called Life . If youre unfamiliar with it, you might want to watch before you read this book. If youve already seen it, you might want to watch it again because its just that good. If youve seen it and have it memorized, then you should call me. Because we should probably be best friends.

Be yourself is like follow your bliss, gems that fall under the category of advice that is well-intentioned, but utterly infuriating. Originated by Joseph Campbell, follow your bliss was a phrase meant to inspire. Its meant to be an aspirational way to live. How bad could your life really be if youre following your bliss? Are you unclear about what path to take? Simply follow your bliss and know its the right path. Its a beautiful idea. How, and why, would you argue with it?

However, its since been co-opted by a lot of different industries in general and the self-help world in particular. If youre a millennial, youve probably heard follow your bliss several times over the course of your life, thanks to an ever-changing jobs landscape. The (good) intent being: if its hard to figure out what you want, dont stress. Just follow your bliss, do what you love, and the money will follow. The (less good) reality is often feeling increasingly frustrated because hearing that phrase over and over again does not seem to help in identifying what your bliss actually is.

This book is for anyone whos ever been told to follow their bliss and then immediately wanted to punch that person in the face. Same goes for stay positive or be happy or stay grateful or anything that is probably said with the best of intentions by the giver, but can come across as flat out patronizing if you happen to be the receiver. If you are someone who is even having a conversation with another person about following and bliss, it is most likely because you are in a situation where there is a distinct lack of bliss, but you are completely unsure of how to change it.

The worst part is, you desperately want to change your life. Youre not an idiot. You know you could change it, if you just had something to change it to. You know you are smart and competent, but are also haunted a little by the thought that if you were so smart and competent you would probably have this figured out by now. You know there is something out there that is not this, something that seems just out of reach.

So someone tells you, Just do what you like. You immediately cant remember a single thing you like. They tell you, If you do what interests you, youll be good at it. And if youre good at it, you can make money from it. You rack your brain. Youre pretty good at Instagram captions, eating whole boxes of popsicles, and buying books and then never reading them. Hmm, maybe theres something in that.

You want nothing more than to be successful. You want to be a #girlboss. You want to #hustlehard. You want to be someone you are proud of. Because you did things. Hard things and challenging things. You want to earn those feelings. You dont want to dread Mondays or work for the weekend. You can handle #nodaysoff if they are mostly #nobaddays. You understand gratitude journals. You want to be grateful for what you already have, but still dream bigger. You know you can work hard. In fact, you would love to work hard. Youre so bored and frustrated that youre even ready to be deeply uncomfortable if it means getting you out of this place. Anything has to be better than this. You cannot have been put on this beautiful and terrible earth for this mediocrity. There simply has to be more.

You would love to follow your dreams, if only you knew where they were. Every time you try to identify even a single dream, they elude you. They seem to be the hidden treasure buried in the land of elves and ponies where your bliss also lives.

And, you begin to wonder, maybe you really dont have dreams. Maybe you were the one person born without any dreams or desires or even mild likes.

But what if you actually were born with something. And what if youre just looking for it in the wrong place?

Tell me, what are your guilty pleasures? What are the things youre jealous of? What does your friend have that you would really, really like? What is the stuff thats hidden away that youre pretending doesnt exist? Lets sort through that stuff. Because that stuff is the key to what you want. Its in the darkest parts of ourselves, the parts we keep locked away. Because we are scared thats who we really are and someday someone will find out about us.

Much has been written about our shadow selves. The parts of us that make us scared or ashamed of who we are and what we want. The thoughts we keep under lock and key, and refuse to ever let see the light of day. The pieces of yourself you are confident will go away if you just ignore them for long enough.

The thing is, that is who you really are. And thats a beautiful thing. Theres no part of yourself that comes from within you that can be wrong. It just cant. The moon is no better than the sun, the earthworm is no less than the butterfly, the vulture from the puppies. If it comes from you, do not be afraid of it. Question it. Ask it (yes, maybe even literally) why its there. But do not run. Its there to teach you something. Just let it be there.

Also, you do not need to be an alcoholic or a cheater or something easier to pinpoint in order to have a shadow self. If you are just a regular person who lives a regular life, you too can have demons up the wazoo. And they are no less than the demons anyone else has to struggle with. They can cause just as much stress, anxiety, and paralysis. They are valid because they are yours.