SpeedReader Summaries - Codependent No More by Melody Beattie: Summary and Analysis

Please note that this is an UNOFFICIAL summary and analysis. This summary and analysis is not affiliated, authorized, approved, licensed, or endorsed by the subject books author or publisher.

Codependent No More was the debut book of bestselling author Melody Beattie. Originally published in 1986 by the Hazelden Foundation, Beatties book became a phenomenon of the self-help movement, selling over eight million copies, six million of them in the United States.

According to Bettie, codependency in relationships results from our desire to rescue people. She believes that this desire is counter-productive, and that our efforts to rescue people might actually do more harm than good, both for ourselves and our loved ones.

The book youre reading right now is not meant to be a substitute for Codependent No More but, instead, a supplement. We recommend using it to quickly refresh yourself on the key principles found in Beatties book and to bolster your understanding of the material with the analysis, discussion questions, and additional resources we provide.

The term codependency describes a type relationship in which one person enables, and the other controls. Of course, codependency doesn't just happen in romantic relationships; it can happen in families as well. Much of the time, those who are involved in codependent relationships dont even realize it.

Codependency is one of the biggest challenges that you will face when you are in a relationship because it touches on the fact that you can't exist without the other person, or that they can't exist without you. In some instances, you may even feel as though your need for the other person blocks you from accessing yourself at your best, so you can't give 100% in your relationship and this can impede progression, growth and trust.

Codependency is actually a learned behavior and it is often passed from one generation to the next. It isn't healthy, and it can actually affect how able you are to have a long lasting, healthy relationship. Another phrase to describe codependency would be relationship addiction. This type of relationship can be emotionally destructive and, in some instances, abusive. The term for codependency actually came around about 10 years ago and it stemmed from years of study on an interpersonal relationship between various families. Certain members of the families were alcoholics, and they were watched to see how codependency can transfer from one person to another. In every instance, the same behaviors were learned and imitated, but you don't need to be an alcoholic, or with an alcoholic to be in a codependent relationship.

Things You Need To Know - Starting Thoughts:

• Codependency doesn't make you a bad person
• It can be destructive
• But it can be reversed
• And there are things that you can do to prevent it

If you were raised in a family that was somewhat dysfunctional, then there is a good chance that you're codependent. This isn't something that you should worry about and it isn't a concept that you should be scared of. In fact, most families are dysfunctional and you're actually part of the majority. The good thing is that researchers have proven that, while, codependent symptoms get worse if they are not treated, it IS completely reversible. Here are some symptoms that will help you to decide whether or not you are in a codependent relationship.

Low Self-Esteem

L OW SELF-ESTEEM IS the feeling that you're just not good enough. The tricky thing about this is that some people think very highly of themselves and everything that they do. This is only a perception, however. Inside, they actually feel unloved, unwanted and somewhat inadequate in general. If you suffer from low self-esteem, you may even feel shame, guilt and perfectionism, so keep an eye out for this when diagnosing yourself and your relationship.

People Pleasing

I T IS NORMAL TO WANT to please those you love, but sometimes if you are a codependent you may not have the ability to just say no. You may go out of your way to meet the needs of others and you may experience a lot of anxiety at the thought as well.

No Boundaries

A NOTHER THING THAT you'll want to look out for is poor boundaries. A boundary is an imaginary line between both yourself and. This applies to your body, your belongings and your money, but it also applies to your personal thoughts, needs and feelings. If you are codependent, then you may feel responsible for the feelings of others and you may blame yourself when someone else is upset. Some people who are codependent have weak boundaries whereas others have boundaries that are incredibly rigid.

Control

C ONTROL HELPS THOSE who are codependent feel safe. Codependents may also be bossy and may try to manipulate people as well, violating boundaries in the process. On top of this, codependents may have difficulty communicating their thoughts and feelings and this can contribute to dishonesty and confusion. Of course, there are so many more symptoms that can't be covered here, so take a look below to see a questionnaire that will help you to identify the other signs of codependency and whether you are at risk.