Gary D. Chapman - Things I Wish Id Known Before We Became Parents

2016 BY
MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE CONSULTANTS, INC.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

Edited by Elizabeth Cody Newenhuyse
Gary Chapman photo: P.S. Photography
Shannon Warden photo: Picture This Photography
Interior design: Smartt Guys design
Cover design: Faceout Studio and Erik M. Peterson
Cover image of mobile copyright 2015 by IconicBestiary / iStock (77362511).
All rights reserved.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Chapman, Gary D., 1938- author.

Title: Things I wish Id known before we became parents / Gary Chapman with Shannon Warden.

Description: Chicago : Moody Publishers, 2016. | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2016023890 (print) | LCCN 2016027118 (ebook) | ISBN 9780802414748 | ISBN 9780802494764 ()

Subjects: LCSH: Parenting--Religious aspects--Christianity. | Child rearing--Religious aspects--Christianity.

Classification: LCC BV4529 .C434 2016 (print) | LCC BV4529 (ebook) | DDC 248.8/45--dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016023890

We hope you enjoy this book from Northfield Publishing. Our goal is to provide high-quality, thought-provoking books and products that connect truth to your real needs and challenges. For more information on other books and products that will help you with all your important relationships, go to 5lovelanguages.com or write to:

Northfield Publishing
820 N. LaSalle Boulevard
Chicago, IL 60610

1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

Printed in the United States of America

To our spouses, Karolyn Chapman and Stephen Warden, with whom we have shared the joys and challenges of parenting.

I Wish Id Known

CHAPTER ONE
That Having Children Radically Changes Your Schedule

CHAPTER TWO
That Children Are Expensive

CHAPTER THREE
That No Two Children Are Alike

CHAPTER FOUR
That Potty Training Is No Laughing Matter

CHAPTER FIVE
That Children Need Boundaries

CHAPTER SIX
That Childrens Emotional Health Is as Important as Physical Health

CHAPTER SEVEN
That Children Are Greatly Influenced by Our Model

CHAPTER EIGHT
That Sometimes Parents Need to Apologize

CHAPTER NINE
That Social Skills Are as Important as Academic Skills

CHAPTER TEN
That Parents Are Responsible for Their Childs Education

CHAPTER ELEVEN
That Marriages Do Not Thrive on Autopilot

CHAPTER TWELVE
That Children Can Bring You Great Joy

A few years ago I wrote Things I Wish Id Known Before We Got Married. I have been so encouraged by the response to that book. Many counselors and pastors have made it a part of their premarriage counseling for young couples. Many parents and grandparents have given it as a gift. I continue to believe that if we did a better job of preparing for marriage, we would be more successful in creating a healthy marriage.

I believe the same is true in rearing children. The better prepared we are, the more likely we are to be good parents. From the day that book was written, I knew that someday I wanted to write a sequel: Things I Wish Id Known Before We Became Parents. As Karolyn and I struggled in our marriage in those early years, we also struggled in rearing our two children. No one told us what to expect, and no one told us what to do. Fortunately, we did our best, and both of our children made it to adulthood and have established healthy marriages, and we now have two grandchildren.

When the time came to write the book you hold in your hand, I knew that I wanted to coauthor with someone who still had young children and could speak out of recent experience. When Dr. Shannon Warden expressed interest, I was thrilled. A number of years ago Shannon was on staff in our counseling office. She returned to graduate school, earned her PhD, and for several years has taught counseling on the college campus, currently at Wake Forest University.

Shannon is married to Stephen and has three children: Avery, Carson, and Presley, whom you will meet in the following pages. She has learned how to balance marriage, children, work, and church responsibilities. She speaks not from the academic tower but from the trenches of real life. In the introduction you will get to know Shannons journey to motherhood. She has experienced the trials and joys of pregnancy and rearing children.

I am grateful to have Dr. Warden join me in writing what I believe to be a much-needed book. Our desire is to share our own experiences, as well as what we have learned through the years, as we have counseled hundreds of parents. We encourage you to read this book before the baby comes, and then refer to its chapters again as you experience the joys and challenges of rearing children.

GARY CHAPMAN, PHD

Preparing for parenthood takes a lot of time and energy and often begins well before pregnancy. Couples may discuss the best time to get pregnant. They sometimes think about changes they need to make in terms of their relationships, work schedules, incomes, houses, cars, etc. In this introduction I have asked Shannon to share her journey to parenthood. I think her story will reveal why I asked her to join me in writing this book.

S tephen and I chose Averys name about three years before he was born. We were excited to think about and begin planning our family. We first conceived after nine months of trying, but I miscarried within a couple weeks of a positive pregnancy test. Stephen and I were already confused as to why it was taking so long to get pregnant, even though we had read that approximately 10 percent of women have trouble getting or staying pregnant. Although the miscarriage was an emotional setback, we did not give up on our dream of having a child.

When finally pregnant with Avery, we were hopeful and anxious. Hope grew as I did, and our attention turned from the anxiety of whether I would miscarry again to other attention-getters that many moms-to-be experiencenausea, fatigue, swelling, difficulty sleeping, indigestion, hemorrhoids, moodiness, depression, anxiety. Information and support from medical professionals, family members, and friends were extremely valuable in dealing with these and other physical and emotional stressors. Soon the excitement of ultrasound pictures, baby showers, and fun activities such as decorating the nursery helped make pregnancy more bearable. Eventually Avery arrived, and we were overjoyed.

About three years after Avery was born, Stephen and I began trying to get pregnant with a second child. We did not know what to expect, but, based on our first pregnancies, we knew it might take some time. After a few months of trying, I got pregnant, only to learn at the ten-week ultrasound that I had miscarried, likely in the sixth or seventh week. Disappointed but hopeful, we then waited the recommended few months and began again working diligently to get pregnantwith no results for more than a year. We finally consulted a fertility specialist with whom I did some months of unsuccessful fertility treatments.