Gary Chapman - Choose Greatness

2019 BY GARY CHAPMAN AND CLARENCE SHULER

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Scripture quotations are from the ESV Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version), copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Editorial services and additional content provided by Michael DiMarco at Hungry Planet.

Interior and cover design: Erik M. Peterson
Illustrations of authors by Kelsey Fehlberg
Cover illustration of father and son copyright 2017 by Grandfailure / iStock (886155936). All rights reserved.

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ISBN: 978-0-8024-1867-8
eBook ISBN: 978-0-8024-9740-6

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Dedicated to all young men who are willing to make Brave Decisions

As two friends writing a book together, we both grew up in the same state, but we lived in very different worlds. I (Gary) was born of white parents. I (Clarence) was born of black parents. Our worlds intersected when we were young, and neither of us have ever been the same. We have listened to each other, we have learned from each other, and we have enriched each others lives. To put it another way, our lives are better because of each other.

Even though we came from different backgrounds, much of our lives are the same. Both of us are counselors, authors, and speakers. Each of us is married and has children. We have walked with our children through the teen years. We have traveled the world and our books have been translated into many languages. In shortwe have both had a great life. Our definition of a great life is taking what you have and using it to enrich the lives of others.

We believe that you can enrich the world. You can make it a better place. Some of you can become great musicians, athletes, educators, physicians, business leaders. You can use those skills to enrich the world. However, you will only reach your full potential if you choose greatness. That is, make wise decisions. Throughout the book we will refer to wise decisions, and what we mean is choosing to be brave by committing to do what is right and best for you, and also for other people in your life.

Our hearts are saddened when we sit in our counseling offices and hear the stories of young adults who made poor decisions when they were teens and are now trying to untangle the webs in which they are trapped. Or, when we visit prisons and talk with young men who are there because they made bad decisions.

We are now looking back on our own lives and realize that many of our most important decisions were made when we were teenagers. As we reflect upon the hundreds of individuals we have counseled through the years, we are both convinced that the decisions that are made between the ages of eleven and sixteen will largely determine the quality of life that a man experiences after he becomes an adult. That is why we are writing this book to young men who are in this most important stage of life.

We want to be honest and say that when we talk about wise decisions, we are talking about very important decisions. We have discovered through the years that the people who sit in our offices for counseling are mostly people who have been impacted by poor decisions. Their lives have been greatly damaged by those decisions.

We are writing with a deep desire to keep you out of the counselors office, to keep you out of prison, to help you avoid unnecessary diseases, and to keep you from hurting the people who love you the most and from hurting yourself. In short, we want you to have a great life, and we believe that can only happen if you choose to make wise decisions.

If we could sit down on a park bench or at a coffee shop and listen to your story, we would listen intently because we believe that you are extremely important, and that deep within you is the desire, not only to enjoy life, but also to leave the world a better place than you found it.

We are sure that you have already discovered that the world into which you were born is a harsh world. Nations declare war on each other. And individuals often lash out in anger and hurt each other. The sociologists who have studied American culture have called it the Argument Culture. For many people, arguing is a way of life. They are constantly trying to convince the other person that I am right, and you are wrong. If they dont win the argument, they often end up fighting each other.

We are convinced that this is not the road to a great life. Too many of our young men die before they reach adulthood, and too many of them are scarred for life by the pain they have experienced. We want to communicate that There is a better way. We will share intimately from our own life experiences when we were young men. We will also share what we have learned as we have counseled people over the last thirty years.

We will also encourage you to find a trusted adult that you can ask questions of while you go through this bookto get you started we have Ask Yourself questions at the end of each chapter.

We hope that you will enjoy what you are about to read, but our deepest desire is that you will join us in making wise decisions. We will focus on eleven wise decisions that will give you a great life.

GARY CHAPMAN and CLARENCE SHULER

L ife was never meant to be lived alone. As young men, we need the wisdom of our fathers and mothers. Otherwise, we may make decisions based solely upon our feelings rather than upon facts. Or, we may be encouraged to make destructive decisions by evil men who seek to enslave us for their own pleasure. Thousands of young men are led down an addictive pathway by drug dealers and gang leaders who offer fun and excitement, but these promises are never based on truth. Addictions are always destructive.

In the original plan every child would have a father and a mother who would love and support each other, and parent their children with love and wisdom. When this plan is followed, children usually grow up to be responsible, caring adults who work to make the world better. Not only does this probably make instant sense to you, but also there is a ton of research that backs this up, as you will see.

Yet many children have watched their parents divorce. Even good parents who deeply love their children cant always protect them from conflict at home. Dr. William Pollock, a Harvard psychologist, discovered that when the father is no longer in the home, the son often suffers from lack of discipline and supervision, and fails to receive a model of what it means to be a man.