Baker Amy J. L. - Co-parenting with a toxic ex: what to do when your ex-spouse tries to turn the kids against you

Amy J. L. Baker, PhD, is a national expert on children caught in loyalty conflicts and has written a seminal book on the topic, Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome, published by W.W. Norton and Company. In addition to conducting trainings around the country for parents as well as legal and mental health professionals, Baker has written dozens of scholarly articles on topics related to parent-child relationships and has appeared on national TV, including Good Morning America, CNN, and the Joy Behar Show. She has been quoted in the New York Times and US News and World Report, among other print media outlets. Baker graduated from Barnard College, summa cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa. She has a PhD in human development from Teachers College, Columbia University. More information is available on her website at www.amyjlbaker.com.

Paul R. Fine, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist in practice at a community mental health center in northern New Jersey. He has over 25 years experience working with diverse populations. His practice includes an eclectic and humanistic approach to problems faced by individuals and families.

In recent years, the study of parental alienation has become an enormously complex topic addressed in hundreds of books, scholarly chapters, and papers in academic journals. A parent who finds herself or himself alienated from a previously loving child may quickly feel overwhelmed by the vast amount of professional and amateur advice that is available. Amy J. L. Baker and Paul R. Fine have found a way to help alienated parents quicklyby focusing on five specific strategies by which a former spouse may cause parental alienation.

William Bernet, MD, professor emeritus at Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, Nashville, TN

This book provides the reader with much needed support as well as specific and helpful advice about how to parent a child who is involved in his parents conflict. Every child deserves to love and be loved by both parents, and this book will help targeted parents achieve that goal.

Jason Patric, actor, targeted father, and founder of Stand Up for Gus

Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex is an excellent book for any parent dealing with a high-conflict co-parent in a separation or divorce. Baker and Fine accurately describe the hidden patterns of manipulation by a toxic ex that can lead to an alienated childone who wants to avoid the other parent. Most important, they teach what to do and what not to do to protect a healthy parent-child relationship for the other parent regardless of these manipulations. This is a minefield and they provide supportive strategies and numerous tips for a reasonable parent to useincluding how to avoid getting angry, giving up, or giving in.

Bill Eddy, lawyer, therapist, and author of Dont Alienate the Kids!: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High Conflict Divorce (www.HighConflictInstitute.com)

While Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex is technically not classified as a workbook, divorce is work, and often becomes a full time job. Amy J. L. Baker and Paul R. Fine have developed a chapter-by-chapter playbook for parents in any stage of divorce. The book encourages parents to bring strong parenting skills to the table while trying to create a solid foundation for the identity, growth, and maturity of their children. This dynamic duo does it again for so many parents struggling to find their way through the maze of co-parenting after divorce. Bravo!

Jill Egizii, president of the Parental Alienation Awareness Organization, USA

Parenting expert Baker (Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome) and psychotherapist Fine have created a workbook specifically for divorced co-parents who sense they are losing the battle for their childrens love, loyalty, and respect. The book features tools, strategies, written exercises, and dialogues designed to help reduce the exs negative influence and delay, if not prevent a child from choosing one parent over another. This guide helps co-parents recognize and understand the signs and symptoms of loyalty struggles and their insidious effects, while offering remedies based in positive and mindful parenting to help fashion a safe and loving environment. The authors suggest the familiar protocol of positive parenting as a way to strengthen the parent-child bond, and, when coupled with mindfulness techniques for personal awareness, this protocol can help unhappy, stressed parents handle the animosity and negative influence of their ex. Like a guerilla manual, the book arms co-parents with tools for coping with a variety of scenarios, including when the ex is sending poisonous messages, interfering with contact and communication, erasing and replacing, encouraging the child to betray confidences and trust, or undermining the co-parents authority. Genuinely helpful, this guide tackles a sensitive problem and shows how to diffuse it with accepted and proven psychotherapeutic practices.(May)

http://www.publishersweekly.com/978-1-60882-958-3

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

Copyright 2014 by Amy J. L. Baker and Paul R. Fine

New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

www.newharbinger.com

Cover design by Sara Christian

Acquired by Melissa Kirk

Edited by Will DeRooy

All Rights Reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data on file

ePub ISBN: 9781608829606

We dedicate this book to our parents and our children, from whom we have learned so much about love, respect, and compassion; and to parents and children affected by alienation and loyalty conflicts. May they always be in each others hearts.