Lamond - Rules for My Unborn Son

No Spitting. No Swimming. No Fighting. We dont always like them, but for the most part, they are necessary. Rules keep us safe, eliminate uncertainty, and encourage harmonious social interaction. Yield to Pedestrians.

Black Tie Required. They are the simplest and most effective way to pass down tried and true institutional knowledge from one generation to the next. In short, rules are GOOD! But somewhere along the way, rules got a bad name. People wanted freedom. Authority was questioned, rules were broken, dress codes banished! Rules were seen as antiquated obstacles to individualism and progress. Barbers were ignored, ties packed away.

And the game of life suddenly got a bit sloppier, more uncertain, and even a bit less fun. * * * My father rarely wore socks, a sartorial quirk made permissible by the fact he was often the best-dressed gentleman in the room. This perhaps best exemplifies his approach to life. A vigorous dancer, a dedicated sportsman, and the tireless life of any party, he understood that a man of strong character, who took pride in his appearance and behavior, was given the most liberty to have fun. And so he had rules. Many of them came from his father, and presumably his father before that.

They governed everything from his dress to his business dealings to a day at the ballpark and were based on the notion that there are certain things a Good Man does and certain things he does not do. My father was a Good Man. And he was the kind of father I aspired to be. He passed away shortly after my twenty-second birthday. This small book began simply as a way to preserve the lessons my father had taught me and perhaps, add my spin on what makes a Good Man. I hoped to have a son of my own one day, so I thought it best to write it all down before the mayhem of actual fatherhood made me too soft or too sanctimonious, and most importantly, before my own childhood was too distant in the rearview mirror.

It would be a father-to-bes promise to his unborn son: To get some things straight before I get old and uncool. Of course, the list needed a bit of updating. My dad could fold a mean pocket square, but he didnt have much to offer on Internet etiquette. As the list grew, however, what struck me was how many of my fathers rules stood up unchangedeven for a recovering hipster living in New York. Rules for My Unborn Son became a set of instructions for being a good man and a good father, not just a list of commandments for any future progeny. My father and I are not the first men to attempt to define and defend the qualities that make up the modern gentleman.

In the book I acknowledge the influences of some very fine men who have offered wise and practical advice through the ages either through their words (Benjamin Franklin, Buckminster Fuller, Mark Twain) or their example (Fred Astaire, Jack Kennedy, David Bowie). Some of the advice the reader may have heard before. And I should hope so, as many of the rules are distillations of some universal lessons in ethics and etiquette. I have made efforts to cull the classics from the outmoded. After all, all that is old is good. However, what I hope makes Rules for My Unborn Son unique is the inclusion of lessons drawn from my own experiencesthe good, the bad, and the ugly.

The rules included herein may evoke from the reader a hearty endorsement or a spirited objection. Or perhaps inspire a sentimental journey back into the readers own childhood. And maybe, for a particular kind of discerning young parent, Rules for My Unborn Son will be just what it says it isa good old-fashioned book of rules for you and your family. I hope it proves useful. Walker Lamond Washington, D.C. * * * Ride in the front car of a roller coaster. * * * See movies on the big screen. * * * Men with facial hair have something to hide. Be a strong swimmer, especially in the ocean. * * * Avoid gossip. * * * Dont waste time with a fancy watch. * * * Talent is learned. * * * Talent is learned.

Learn to sing. * * * Stand up for the little guy. Hell remember you. Be careful what you set your heart upon, for it will surely be yours. J AMES A. * * * Buy seasonal fruit from your local stand or bodega. * * * Dont attempt a dialect other than your own, unless its in the script. * * * Men should not wear sandals. Ever. Start a band. * * * A T-shirt is neither a philosophy nor an advertisement. * * * A T-shirt is neither a philosophy nor an advertisement.

Its a shirt. Wear it plain. * * * Know her dress size. Dont ask. * * * On occasion, pick up the tab. * * * Dont poke fun at contemporary art.

Put it in context. * * * Dont spit on the sidewalk. * * * The key to good photography is not timing. Its editing. * * * Dont be shy in the locker room. * * * Be a good listener. * * * Be a good listener.

Dont just wait your turn to talk. * * * A vandal is the lowest form of scoundrel. * * * Yes Maam. No Sir. No exceptions. Choose your corner, pick away at it carefully, intensely, and to the best of your ability, and that way you might change the world.

C HARLES E AMES Know your furniture. But never buy it all at once. * * * On a road trip, offer to buy the first tank of gas. * * * Short pants are for little boys. Decide for yourself when you are a man. * * * Make a rock and roll pilgrimage. * * * Make a hipsters day. * * * Make a hipsters day.

Donate old clothes to charity. * * * Close the door, turn it up, dork out. * * * Audition for a play. Read for the lead. * * * Never pack more than you can carry yourself. Take the stairs. * * * Root for the home team, even when they stink. * * * Have a reliable hangout. * * * Nothing good ever happens after 3 A.M . I promise. * * * Sit in the front of the classroom. * * * Finish what you start, especially books. * * * There is rarely a time to raise your voice. * * * There is rarely a time to raise your voice.

At the ball game is one. * * * Never eat the same meal twice in a row. * * * Dont show off. Impress. * * * Make sure your clothes fit properly. A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly.