Rigby - Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World

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To Chad and Boyce, my grown sons.

And Elise, my new daughter.

Chad, the time has come for you to lead a family of your own with humble confidence.

Elise, I couldnt have picked a more perfect helpmate for my son.

Boyce, enjoy your solitude. It wont last forever.

I MUST BEGIN WITH my husband, Nick Garner. For any who took the time to read these acknowledgments in the first edition, youll know there was not a husband to acknowledge. After fifteen years of singlehood, God, in His great love and mercy, brought the most wonderful man into my life who never seems to grow weary of his wifes foolish ways. He is encouraging, ever-loving, and ever-forgiving, and I must say, cooks the best grilled burgers in town.

Mother, now eighty-four and still going strong. Still inspiring and growing in grace.

Daddy, whose influence continues to linger in my heart and writing. This world could sure use his no-nonsense approach to life... right is right and wrong is wrong.

Coach Payton Jordan became a legend with his passing in 2009. How thankful I am for the time I was able to visit with him. His commitment to excellence and integrity will live on in the hearts of the boys he built into men.

Jean Rohloff held my hand through the first writing. In this edition, her amazing words, found in After the Storm, bring this book to a close.

Donna Munson, my big sister in Christ, continues to walk through life with me. It was her gift of Be Satisfied with Me that brought me into a deeper relationship with our heavenly Father.

Mike and Lisa Conn, more than lifelong friends. Youve stood by me through the trials and struggles of life. It is an honor to share the story of you and your girls. I welcome your words of wisdom to these pages.

Wilbur and Betsy Mills share their amazing story of raising four children for almost nine years in remote parts of Brazil during a tour of mission duty. I wrote about their son Wils extraordinary artistic gifts, developed in those years of imagination-building in the jungle. Wil has since passed to heaven, but his poetic words will stay with us.

The staff of Manners of the Heart: Debbie, Lori, and Karis, who not only helped with research and brainstorming, but allowed me to disappear to write the revisions. Im so proud to say, they didnt need me... but I sure do need them.

What would we do without the best interns in the world, Jessie, Sam, and Melissa? In one way or another, you each contributed to the completion of the revisions.

Steve Laube, I cant believe youre still there for me. Ive been absorbed in writing curricula, not books, for the last four years, but you have continued offering advice and a listening ear.

Philis, youre the most patient editor in the industry. Your continued belief in the mission of Manners of the Heart and your willingness to champion our cause means the world to me.

Robert and Mary, Sally and Rich, and Burtonyou all welcomed me into your family. Your precious little ones, Garett, Jack, Allie, and Alston, inspire me to keep going when I face discouragement. GG is doing all I can to make this world a better place for you.

Always, to the Manners of the Heart Board members, parents, teachers, volunteers, and businesses who share my passion and support our efforts to bring a return of respect and civility to our country.

Last and most important, the Manners of the Heart kids who love Wilbur and embrace his teaching. I believe with my whole heart that your generation will become the Rebuilders who will repair the damage done by mine.

With deepest gratitude,

I love you all

W HAT AN HONOR to be a special part of a journey that we all as parents must travel. Like many of you who pick up this book, I am a lot of things to many people; wife, daughter, executive, cheerleader, chef, taxi driver, friendthe list goes on, but my most coveted, treasured, and completely terrifying role is Mom. Failure is not an option. Job performance is critical. There is never a day off. Training is on-the-job and there are always new challenges. Children do not come with how-to manuals and each is unique, a one-of-a-kind model. We do, however, have one overriding all-encompassing tool in our parenting tool boxour love. We have an overwhelming desire to guide our children to become all that they are destined to become.

If there were a perfect recipe for raising children, we would all be eating the same thing for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. In this high-tech, high-stress, time-crunched world, where information is at our finger tips and instantaneous gratification is expected, its time to focus on the simple and the long term. We make it so complicated because we think that if it were really simple all children would be perfectly perfect in every way. Jills amazing insight and dedication to raising respectful children in a disrespectful world engages that simple golden rule: treat others the way you wish to be treated. She affirms that your actions have a positive or negative impact, and we can choose how we actits a decision. The empowerment you bestow upon your children when you teach them the value of their impact is immeasurable.

Speaking of recipes, for meals in my house I often felt like a short order cook. For breakfast, Ashleigh wanted pancakes, Lindsey wanted yogurt, Aaron wanted eggs, and Camryn wanted a bowl of oatmeal. I often wanted to blend it all together and serve it up shake style! I was catering to their wants and worn out by 6:30 a.m. I first met Jill after such a morning. I was taking a moment out of my busy day to find out more about a new program called Manners of the Heart, which their school was integrating into classrooms. In all honesty, I almost skipped the meeting; my schedule was pretty tight. I dont believe in coincidencesI was meant to hear that message. It took Jill just five minutes and one visual to hugely influence the direction of my parenting. I have four great kidssmart, engaging, happy, and yes, even respectful. I felt confident that I was preparing my children to lead truly impactful lives. I know, I know, it sounds awfully hokeyhow could a program aimed at kindergarten through fifth grade could change the course of my parenting role? After all, like I said, my kids were pretty great already, why mess with a good thing?

It was the mirror that got me (dont skip ahead to to admit that my six-year-old had slippers with the slogan, Its all about me on the toes! In that moment I knew it was important to my childrens future to fundamentally begin changing their perception of who they were and why they were important to the world. In fact, it changed my perception of myself as the person I would want my children to become. They still know that they are smart and pretty and great athletes, but that is secondary to their sphere of influence, the lives they touch, and their positive influence on others.

Nothing is more important to me than raising respectful children. I want to know their hearts, offer encouragement, allow failure, and celebrate their accomplishments. It transcends being polite (which is expected). This parenting thing is a journey. When my oldest was in her teens (and thats a parenting conundrum!), we had a discussion about the easy road or the hard road, about being average or being You, and about making a difference. No matter how wonderful your children are, those teenage years are an exercise in patience and perseverance. I have no doubt that the simple life lessons and concepts throughout the first edition of Manners of the Heart and Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World were my true North, the reality of my impact on guiding the four most amazing people in my world to adulthood.