Tobias - You Cant Make Me

Praise for
You Cant Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded)

I love the practical strategies and valuable insights from the hearts and lives of strong-willed kidsincluding Cynthia herself! Youll definitely want to make this book part of your parenting library.

D R . K EVIN L EMAN , New York Times best-selling author of Have a New Kid by Friday

In You Cant Make Me, Cynthia Tobias provides help and hope for all of us with a strong-willed child of any age. Her extremely practical and time-tested tips will show you how to provide the strong-willed child love balanced with limits, relationship balanced with rules, coaching balanced with cheer-leading, and discipleship balanced with discipline. This book will be worth its weight in gold to you and your strong-willed child.

W ALT L ARIMORE , MD, best-selling author of Gods Design for the Highly Healthy Teen and Why A.D.H.D. Doesnt Mean Disaster

Parenting was never designed to be easy, and parenting a strong-willed child can be daunting. Cynthia Tobias has written a book designed to encourage parents to celebrate their childrenyes, even if they are strong willed! I love how she has provided tried and true strategies that will bring out the best in our children. Her inclusion of stories from parents who are in the trenches serves to remind us that successful parenting is possible for all of us. I love Cynthias wisdombut her heart for children made me love this book!

J ANET P ARSHALL , nationally syndicated talk-show host

At Focus on the Family, we often hear from parents who are frustrated and burned out by their strong-willed kids. Cynthia Tobiass book is tailor-made for them. It will help moms and dads not only address the challenges but also embrace the blessings of having a strong-willed child.

J IM D ALY , president of Focus on the Family

You Cant Make Me is a must-read for every parent of a strong-willed child. Cynthia Tobias is the go-to expert on this subject, and you cant afford to miss out on her incredibly helpful guidance. This book is insightful, grounded, and immeasurably practical. Read it today and start bringing out the best in your strong-willed child!

D RS . L ES AND L ESLIE P ARROTT , authors of The Parent You Want to Be

What a great book! So simple yet so profound. Time and time again I have recommended this book to teachers and parents. Growing up a strong-willed child and having one, I know firsthand how valuable the tools and ideas are in this book. Every parent and teacher should read this!

M ARY R ICE H OPKINS , popular family/childrens recording artist

O THER B OOKS
BY C YNTHIA U LRICH T OBIAS

The Way They Learn
The Way We Work
Every Child Can Succeed
Bringing Out the Best in Your Child
Do You Know What I Like About You?

Y OU C ANT M AKE M E (B UT I C AN B E P ERSUADED ), R EVISED AND U PDATED E DITION
P UBLISHED BY W ATER B ROOK P RESS
12265 Oracle Boulevard, Suite 200
Colorado Springs, Colorado 80921

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Message by Eugene H. Peterson. Copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked ( NIV ) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com.

Details in some anecdotes and stories have been changed to protect the identities of the persons involved.

Copyright 1999, 2012 by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias

Cover design by Mark D. Ford; photography by Tomek Sikora, The Image Bank

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published in the United States by WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House Inc., New York.

W ATER B ROOK and its deer colophon are registered trademarks of Random House Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Tobias, Cynthia Ulrich, 1953
You cant make me (but I can be persuaded) : strategies for bringing out the best in your strong-willed child / Cynthia Ulrich Tobias. Rev. and updated ed.
p. cm.
eISBN: 978-0-307-73113-5
1. Problem childrenBehavior modificationUnited States. 2. Problem childrenFamily relationshipsUnited States. 3. Problem childrenUnited StatesConduct of life. 4. Child psychologyUnited States. 5. Individuality in childrenUnited States. 6. Discipline in childrenUnited States. I. Title.
HQ773.T63 2012
649.64dc23

2012014743

v3.1

To my strong-willed dad,
Robert Ulrich,
who has consistently shown me how to use
my strong-willed nature in a way
that brings honor and glory to God.

And to my strong but very patient, compliant mother,
Minnie Ulrich,
who has never quit praying for both of us!

My very own strong-willed child, Mike, came bursting through the door with his usual force and energy. He was fresh from yet another week of being a counselor at a summer YMCA camp. I marveled at how quickly the years have passed and here he wastwenty years old and about to enter his junior year in college. Could it possibly be?

Mom, I have to tell you something.

Ive learned to appreciate every opportunity to talk about his life, so I stopped what I was doing and listened.

The camp kids were driving me crazy. I was so frustrated, I was ready to scream. He paused and put his finger in the air to make a pronouncement. So, I decided Id better read one of your books.

I raised my eyebrows. Which book did you read, Mike?

He shrugged and grinned. You Cant Make Me. Before I could react he rushed on. And you know what? It works!

I wasnt prepared for this. Was this my strong-willed child, who appears in every chapter of the book, telling me he was now using it to understand the kids he was counseling at camp?

For the next twenty minutes Mike regaled me with examples he had read in the book, emphasizing the strategies he had used successfully with his campers. We reminisced over stories from the book that he remembered and laughed about the ones he had forgotten or was too young to recall.

Since the first edition of You Cant Make Me! (But I Can Be Persuaded) came out in 1999, literally thousands of parents and educators have taken the time to actually write or personally deliver overwhelmingly positive and grateful responses to the powerful and effective strategies in the book. Ive been humbled and encouraged to see the hope in their eyes and hear the joy in their voices.

But I have to tell you, by far the most meaningful endorsement I could ask for is the one from Mike. After twenty years of living with and loving my strong-willed child, after the prayers and tears, trial and error, perseverance and frustration, failure and success, he is reading and endorsing the book that describes him as the quintessential strong-willed kid.