Evie Granville - Modern Manners for Moms & Dads

Sarah Davis, Ed.D.
and Evie Granville , M.Ed.

Coral Gables

Copyright 2020 Sarah Davis, Ed.D., and Evie Granville, M.Ed.

Cover and Interior Layout Design: Jermaine Lau

Published by Mango Publishing Group, a division of Mango Media Inc.

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Coral Gables, FL 33134 USA

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Modern Manners for Moms and Dads: Practical Parenting Solutions for Sticky Social Situations

ISBN: (p) 978-1-64250-331-9 (e) 978-1-64250-332-6

BISAC: REF011000REFERENCE / Etiquette

LCCN: 2020940932

Printed in the United States of America

Sarah: I dedicate this book to my four beautiful children. You dream, laugh, love, and create with meand it fills my heart every day. I am so lucky to be your mom. To my parents, who have always been my biggest cheerleadersI love you forever and ever. And finally, to my husband, who gives me strength and always finds space for me to dream.

Evie: To my parents, who taught me kindness, generosity, and integrity. To my husband, who held my hand along the path. And to my kids, who teach me to surrender to the moment and be conscious.

Table of Contents

Discussion Guide Questions for
Modern Manners for Moms & Dads

Parenting Pop Quiz

Your little one nuzzles close to your chest as you sink into the pillows and blankets that gently cradle your tired body. Shes a week old and youre exhausted, but you cant stop looking at this miraculous creature whos made you a parent. Neighbors and friends are dying to meet her, drop off a gift, or snuggle herbut youre not sure youre ready. The phone dings again with your neighborhood bestie on the line: I have a gift for her! No rush, but Id love to see her!

You want to share her with the world; after all, shes perfect. But there are germs, and youre worried about her little baby immune system, and your messy house, and your unkempt hair, and so many other things that are uncomfortable right now. There are just so many calls and texts. You want to say yes, but you also want to say no. You want to be showered and dressed when visitors arrive, but you dont feel like getting out of bed. Can you say no, thank you to all these well-intentioned, loving friends? Cant this one thing be on your timetable? And if you say no, for how long can you put it all off? What do you do?

A. Say yes to everyone, even though it makes you super uncomfortable. They all mean well, and you dont want anyone to think youre being selfish or rude.

B. Say no to everyone. They can wait until youre damn well ready.

C. Say yes to your family and closest friends, but put everyone else off with a polite, Id love to see you, but Im just not feeling up to it quite yet. Ill let you know! Cant wait for you to meet her!

D. Turn your phone off and ignore all the messages. This is your special bonding time, and all of these interruptions are annoying.

Keep reading for the correct answer!

When you start raising kids, youre thrown into so many situations that you could never have dreamed up, let alone figure out on your own. A diaper disaster in the middle seat during take-off or landing. Your mother-in-law posting bath time photos of your naked baby online without your permission. An unexpected gift that leads to a tantrum in front of the gift-giver.

These What the hell do I do now? moments crop up at the pediatricians office, in your new parents group, at daycare, in church, during travel, and everywhere else. They challenge your relationships with friends (new and old, yours and your childs), family members, childcare providers, teachers, neighbors, and of course, total strangers with judging eyes. And its easy to feel judged when parenting in public. From social media debates to the threat of your child becoming a meme, theres a reason 82 percent of our surveyed readers said they worry about mom- and dad-shaming!

For too long, parents have been reading books that tell them how to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted kids. But those books dont acknowledge:

Parenting doesnt happen in a bubble. It happens at library story time, in the checkout line, at daycare drop-off, and all the places in between. It happens during deployments, pandemics, and natural disasters. Parenting happens out in the world, with all kinds of external factors that you have to take into account! You need skills and strategies to parent confidently, no matter what comes at you.

Youre raising the next generation of kind, thoughtful, well-mannered citizens. As a parent, you are your childs first and most important teacher, so you have to know what youre doing to set a good example of kindness and composure. Theres no dress rehearsal. This is it.

Your parenting decisions affect how other people treat and perceive you. If you make choices that reveal youre not really thinking about anyone but yourself and your kids, then youll earn the reputation that some moms and dads have of being totally oblivious jerks. Peopleeven other parents!will avoid you. If you make choices that show youre thoughtful and considerate, then youre more likely to draw people in and cultivate meaningful connectionsthe hallmark of happy parenting.

This is the first book to give parenting a public context and provide real-world, practical strategies for dealing with all those parenting challenges that make you blush and keep you up at night.

Redefining Etiquette

Your parents taught you how to chew with your mouth closed, give firm handshakes, and say please and thank you. This book does not address that kind of etiquette. You know that stuff already! Modern Manners for Moms and Dads thinks about who your actions affect and how they make people feel.

When you become a parent, you show up in the world in so many new ways. Your pre-parent existence might have been limited to simple loops of work-home-work-home, day after day, without much deviation. You might have seen the same people over and over, in the same circumstancesno surprises. But once you have kids, you expand your world tremendously. You join classes and groups. You volunteer in schools and on sports fields. You go to parks, playgrounds, libraries, and so many places you might not have visited since you were a kid. Your social circles grow to include new parents, new children, new doctors, new teachers, and new caregivers.

Each one of these people and places becomes a touchpoint for etiquette. When youre out in the world with your kids, youre not just showing them how to behave. Youre deciding what kind of world you want your kids to grow up inone where you think of others and not just yourself. Imagine a world without manners: everyone acting in their own self-interest, no one holding the door for a mom struggling to push a stroller through, no one volunteering to host the preschools holiday party. Who wants to live in a world like that ?