Eddie Capparucci - Going Deeper - Understanding How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction - The Road to Recovery Goes Through Your Childhood

2020 by Eddie Capparucci

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First printing

ISBN: 978-1-68433-435-3

PUBLISHED BY BLACK ROSE WRITING

Printed in the United States of America

Suggested Retail Price (SRP) $16.95

Going Deeper is printed in Sabon

Cover photo is from an art project by Ukranian artist Alexander Milov

*As a planet-friendly publisher, Black Rose Writing does its best to eliminateunnecessary waste to reduce paper usage and energy costs, while never compromisingthe reading experience. As a result, the final word count vs. page count may not meetcommon expectations.

To my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who took a broken man and gavehim purpose. Who put me in a position where I could take the mistakes Imade in the past and use them to bring healing to others in need.

To my wife Teri who encouraged me to write when I felt words werenot available. Who instilled hope when I struggled through writers block,and who has been a cornerstone in my life.

To my children, Chelsea and Dakota, who have brought me much joy,and I am proud of the adults they have become.

To all the men who trusted me with their recovery and applied theprinciples I believe will continue to assist them in successfully managingtheir addictions. To their spouses who have worked hard to overcome theheartache and betrayal they have suffered at the hands of men theythought they could trust.

And to my three faithful labradors: Gabriel, Hunter, and Bosco whosat under my feet as I labored over this book for three years.

Finally, to my inner child, Little Eddie, who I am so grateful to cometo know and more importantly, who allowed me to experience the pain,disappointment, and heartache he endured as a child. While at times hecan be a handful, he indeed is my friend.

The following is feedback from a handful of clients in the early stages oftheir inner child work describing the destructive nature and the negativeimpact the Kid has had in their lives.

Kevin, pornography addiction

My inner child sits on the couch and looks out at the kids in the neighborhoodplaying. None of them knocked on my door to see if I wanted to join them. Hefeels left out. Now if I feel left out when a group of co-workers go to lunch butdont invite me, I want to bide and distract myself with porn, so I dont feel thedisappointment that no one cares. I cant take the thought of sitting on the couchand watching others enjoy themselves while I am dying inside.

Carmen, sexual and pornography addiction

The kid is afraid. Hes always been afraid. I can remember the constant bullyingduring elementary and middle school we endured. I always looked forward toschool breaks, including the summer to escape the harassment and teasing. He isstill that nervous kid who is always looking over his shoulder. Today, I struggleto trust new people I meet. He always thinks they are going to hurt us.

Charlie, pornography addiction

My inner kid explodes when he hears someone being critical of me. And thatsets off my anger. I bate being told Im not good enough. So, I find myselfexploding and then running off to look at porn. When that happens, my innerchild quiets down and feels relaxed. I have come to realize I am oversensitive tocriticism, and my inner kid overreacts to comments that arent meant to becritical. If I let him, be will lead me down a path of continuing to hurt my wife.

Abandonment is what causes my inner child to become fearful. Mom left mydad and brother when I was seven. She just ran away with another man, and wenever saw her again. What mother leaves her children behind? Anyway, if I startto feel someone is trying to distance themselves from me, I now know my innerchild is being activated, and I soon will start getting anxious. If I dont allowmyself to become aware of what is going on, I will find myself at a strip clubspending a ton of money on lap dances.

Bruce, pornography addiction

Feeling like he is being controlled. That is what will get my little fella upset. Heremembers mom was a control freak. Everything had to be done ber way. I hadno voice and worst yet, all of the things she made me do was with one goal inmind making her look good. I have realized my inner child hates being toldwhat to do. But I must let him know that often what he believes is someonetrying to control us is not always accurate. He sees all of them like mom.

During my recovery work, we originally thought boredom was the main triggerfor my inner child. But with more self-reflection, we discovered it is all aboutlacking a sense of purpose. At 49-years-old, I cant tell you what value I have inthis life, and that makes my inner child very sad. When my day-to-day life startslooking the same, he gets triggered, and I am left looking for an adrenaline rush,which I found for years with sex.

My inner child is very in tune whenever something occurs in which the messageis being sent saying, Im stupid. And the person delivering that message mostoften is me. I was not fully aware of it until I started my therapy. Growing upwith three older siblings, I was always laughed at whenever I made a mistake orsdid something that didnt make sense. I cannot remember anyone calling mestupid, but I certainly felt that way. As an adult, if I made a mistake, I tried toshake it off, but later I would see my mood shift, and I felt worthless. I then findmyself heading off to watch porn. All the time, it was my inner child telling mehow stupid we are.

I have bad a sex addiction for more years than I care to consider. I knew deepdown that it was rooted in my childhood, but until I began my recovery work, Ididnt realize the extent and depth my childhood had on my addiction. Comingto understand the little boy inside me and coming to terms with many of thepeople who impacted me as a child, has helped me to turn my life around. I cannow live by the terms of my adult self, instead of the emotions of my littleboy. Hes still there and certainly bas his moments, but his voice has becomemuch softer and his cries, not as loud.

What Leaders in the Sex Addiction Field Say

About the Inner Child Recovery Process

Robert Weiss Ph.D., LCSW, author of Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence,and other books

Going Deeper is about seeing your unwanted sexual behavior as a clarion callto heal the underlying heartaches in your story. A seasoned clinician, EddieCapparucci has learned that self-destructive behaviors are correlated to theemotional pain and trauma that continues to haunt the inner child. Rather thandeveloping strategies and techniques to manage your behavior, you are invitedto something better: to connect with and strengthen the child within you.