Danielle Dick Ph.D. - The Child Code: Understanding Your Childs Unique Nature for Happier, More Effective Parenting

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

John Wilmot (16471680)

Close your eyes and imagine your child.

No, not the small person refusing to do homework. Or the one who threw a tantrum at the table because the pasta noodles were bow ties rather than elbows.

The child you imagined.

Before you had children.

That child was probably a sweet, peaceful baby snuggled up in your arms. An adorable toddler, head thrown back in laughter as you push them on a swing. Maybe they were going to grow up to be a star athlete or class valedictorian. Maybe you dreamed of a college graduation or a wedding day, a blushing bride or a handsome groom. Point being, we all had ideas of who we wanted our children to be.

But the day-to-day of parenting is less about dreams and more about daily battles. Shoes that your child refuses to put on, precluding you from even making it out the door to the park. Sulking at the dinner table. That fun family trip? Four hours of your child kicking the back of your seat and telling you they dont want to go.

Why is it so hard to shape our children into the dreamy human beings we imagined?

Theres certainly no shortage of advice for parents. There are parenting classes, parenting blogs, parenting podcasts, parenting magazines, parenting books, parenting workshops. There are your mother-in-laws ideas about how to handle discipline, and your best friends tips for sleep training. The overwhelming amount of information is staggering enough, but even worsemuch of it conflicts! Human beings have been raising children for millennia; how can it be that we dont have this all figured out? The more important question for you as a parent is how to sort through often contradictory guidance to decide what is best.

Why is parenting so darn hard?

It turns out there is a simple answer to that question. The reason parenting is so challenging is that all of that well-meaning advice from your parents and friends and pediatricians ignores one of the biggest factors that affects child development: genes.

Our high school biology classes didnt give us the full story. DNA doesnt just code for brown or blue eyes, for curly or straight hair; it codes for our brains and our most basic outlook on life. It lays the foundation for our individual temperaments, our natural tendencies, and the unique way each of us interacts with the world. Given the profound influence of genetics on individual behavior and development, there is no such thing as the right way to parent. There is only the right way to parent each individual child, and its only by understanding your childs genetically shaped proclivities that you can guide your child toward becoming his or her best self and reduce the daily battles.

The Child Code is about how to figure out that right way for your child, based on their unique genetic make-up. Its about reducing your stress by helping you cut through piles of information to figure out what really matters (and what doesnt). Im a scientist who studies genetics and child behavior, and, more importantly, Im a parent. Ive been in the trenches, and it was my knowledge of the research behind what really influences human behavior that saved my sanity. I wrote The Child Code to share this knowledge and to help make your life easier too.

Never in the course of human history have we spent so much time trying to actively shape our children. And this high investment in parenting is coming at a tremendous cost, with sharp declines in happiness in couples, and growing rates of anxiety in kids who feel pressured at best, and at worst, under constant assault. The days of our children exploring the woods or roaming the neighborhood freely, with the only directive being to make it home before dark, are long gone. These days, sending your child to the park unsupervised could end with a policeman at your doorstep. In some circles, the idea of kids doing their homework unsupervised or taking a standardized test without prep courses would be considered neglectful.