Lisa O. Engelhardt - Empty Nest Therapy

Empty Nest Therapy Lisa O. Engelhardt Illustrated by R. W. Alley Abbey Press Foreword When our son went to college, it was a big adjustment for me. I missed our conversations and his sharp wit. I missed his games, school events, and the other parents who had become our social network.

After he was gone for a week, my son commented on the phone that he felt as if the kids in his dorm were like his second family. I didnt know whether to be relieved he was adjusting so well or incensed that his family of 18 years had been so easily replaced! The purpose of parenthood is to nurture children, so that someday they can fly solo. Yet an empty nest can cause confusing emotions for parents. While this juncture can bring on sadness and loneliness, it can also signal newfound freedom and fulfillment. Gradually, I adjusted to my sons absence, and in the process, gleaned some wisdom that I hope to pass on to you. May it help you to survive your empty nest and thrive in it! Your child is moving onto college, his own place, marriage.

You have given him roots of stability and wings to soar. Congratulate yourself for a job well done! The purpose of parenthood is to nurture and prepare children, so that one day they can fly solo. Yet this turning point can bring on a rush of confusing emotions for you. While you may be proud your child has made it to this milestone, you may also feel sad and deflated. Accept your feelings, whatever they are. It may seem that your child has outgrown you or doesnt need you anymore.

Know that your child still needs youjust in a less hands on way. Youve invested much love, time, hope, worry, (and, yes, money!) in raising your child. Its normal to miss him and your old, familiar life. Your life may seem out of kilter right now. Reassure yourself that this is normaland temporary. You might feel nostalgic for the time when your child was a little one.

Cherish those memories, even as you prepare to move on to a new phase of life. Let yourself grieve your losses: your childs physical presence, the school and extracurricular activities in which you participated, the child-based rhythm and routine of your life. If you had some contentious times in the past with your child, you may have regrets. Parenting is difficult and doesnt come with a foolproof manual. Forgive yourself for any missteps. At the most, this is a deep loss for you.

At the least, its an adjustment that takes time. In fact, each of your childrens departure from home can cause a different kind of loss and adjustment. Some parents react more strongly to their first child leaving home, or their last, or their most troubled one. Be patient and gentle with yourself in each particular situation. You and your spouse may react to your empty nest differently. If you become seriously depressed, seek professional help. If you become seriously depressed, seek professional help.

A physician, counselor, or clergyperson can help you to restore your balance. Theres a saying that parents are only as happy as their unhappiest child. If your child is adjusting well to his new circumstances, you can as well. Its normal to worry: Is he making friends? Acting responsibly? Staying safe? Remember, youve done your part; so its okay to let go and let God take care of your child. Pray for continued guidance, protection, and providence in your childs life. Try not to smother your grown-up children. Try not to smother your grown-up children.

Youve already provided the tools they need to function as adults. Trust the foundations that you have built. If your child is having a problem, dont rush in to fix it. This only conveys that he is incapable of coping on his own. Certain serious situations might require adult intervention. Get the facts from all involved parties.

Then do only the minimum, and let your child handle the rest. Coping with an empty nest can seem worse if your children are far away. Visit as youre able, and be sure to stay in regular contact. You can easily keep in touch via todays technology, even with face-to-face communication. And dont forget old-fashioned cards and care packages.