James W. Forgan - Stressed Out!: Solutions to Help Your Child Manage and Overcome Stress

MARY ANNE RICHEY AND
JAMES W. FORGAN, PH.D.

Mary Anne dedicates this book to her two newest grandchildren, Cole and Mollywonderful additions to our familyand to her husband, Bill, the consummate proofreader.

Jim dedicates this book to the team of dedicated dads from the Christ in the Rockies father-son experience.

Library of Congress catalog information
currently on file with the publisher.

Copyright 2017, Prufrock Press Inc.

Edited by Katy McDowall

Layout design by Raquel Trevino

ISBN-13: 978-1-61821-621-2

No part of this book may be reproduced, translated, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, microfilming, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher.

At the time of this books publication, all facts and figures cited are the most current available. All telephone numbers, addresses, and websites URLs are accurate and active. All publications, organizations, websites, and other resources exist as described in the book, and all have been verified. The authors and Prufrock Press Inc. make no warranty or guarantee concerning the information and materials given out by organizations or content found at websites, and we are not responsible for any changes that occur after this books publication. If you find an error, please contact Prufrock Press Inc.

Projects like this require the work of many individuals and wed like to thank Katy McDowall, our editor at Prufrock Press, for her expertise; Jodi MacNeal for her knowledge; Emily Forgan for her research; Nicole Bagge, LMHC, for her contribution on what to expect when consulting a therapist; and our spouses for their loving support.

Stress is on your radar. A child that you deeply care about is in, or causing, a stressful situation. You have so many unanswered questions. Perhaps youve asked yourself, Is my child normal? Is this stress, anxiety, or both? Should I seek professional help? Am I contributing to my childs stress? Will my attempt to help make the stress worse? You desire to do whatever you can to help your childperhaps even to the degree where you wish you could trade places with your child or somehow just take the stress away. We understand. We get it. Were parents and professionals who help families deal with stress. In this book, we will teach you how to help your child deal with stress because stressors can occur anywhere, and, simply put, stress is not going away. To the degree that we can within a book, we want to help you raise stress-resistant kids in a stressful world. Because weve parented four kids of our own, we know when your child stresses you do, too. Stress affects the entire family.

Each chapter is filled with easy-to-use techniques, activities, role-plays, conversation starters, and childrens books that can help your child learn to manage his or her own stress. There is not one magical tool for creating stress-resistant kids, but rather you need a variety of tried-and-true practices that can be applied depending on the situation. For example, if your child is anxious about a test, she may need to apply mindfulness or deep breathing. On the other hand, if your family experienced the death of a loved one, journaling or coloring may be more appropriate. Weve provided you the best practices for helping your child in a variety of situations.

This book is organized into three sections to teach you about principles of stress, where and when stress can occur, and many reliable stress busters. In , youll learn 22 proactive ideas for helping your child minimize the impact of stress.

contains solutions for the situations where stress occurs: in the school, community, and family. Youll learn what to do if your childs stress includes school refusal, bullying, and test anxiety. In the community chapter, youll learn how to protect your child from everyday stress, stress from world events, and even the stress of visiting a doctor or dentist. The family chapter contains activities to help you deal with the stress families experience when parents divorce, a loved one (including a pet) dies, a baby is born, or when your child moves.

is all about sharing with you the best stress-busting strategies. Youll have proactive techniques to address stress. Well cover topics including mindfulness, meditation, faith, and how to help shape your childs mindset and develop the ability to bounce back from stress.

As you read, youll notice that sometimes we will refer to the child as he and other times as she. Regardless of the pronoun used, we are referring to your child, so simply substitute your childs name for the pronoun. We wrote this book to help you, and we wish you the best. Consider connecting with our community by liking our Facebook page, Raising Boys and Girls with ADHD (https://www.facebook.com/RaisingBoysWithADHD).

SECTION I

Principles of Stress

CHAPTER 1

Put Stress on Your Parenting Agenda

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.

William James

KEY POINT: Stress can be a positive, motivating factor in your childs life, or it can make life miserable and interfere with functioning.

THINKING POINT: Am I modeling positive ways of handling stress in my own life?

Stress. It is a constant in todays society. Whereas some level of stress can keep us motivated and engaged, too much can overwhelm and exhaust us. If you are reading this book, you know stress is not exclusive to adults. Negative signs of stress are becoming increasingly common in children today, as society has become more hyperconnected and its demands have become more frenetic.

Some experts have called this era of stress the terrible toos (Chandler, 1998):

too many demands on parents time, which reduce valuable parent-child interactions;

too much pressure to perform in school on testing and organized activities; and

too little time to relax, daydream, and playoften considered the work of childhood (p. 65).

As both parents and school psychologists, we see the manifestations of harmful stress around us on a daily basis. When you are stressed to the max, your child will often feel the secondary effects, as you have less tolerance, may seem preoccupied, or are generally overwhelmed and lack control of your life. When your child is stressed and anxious, you may feel it and see it in your childs behaviors, or he or she may suffer silently. Consider these stressed out children: