Harry Harrison - 1001 Things it Means to Be a Dad: (Some Assembly Required)

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1001 Things
It Means
to Be a Dad

(Some Assembly Required)

HARRY H. HARRISON JR.

1001 Things It Means to Be a Dad

Copyright 2008 by Harry H. Harrison Jr.
www.raisingparents.com

Published by Thomas Nelson Publishers, Inc., Nashville, Tennessee Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Project Editor: Lisa Stilwell

Designed by ThinkPen Design, LLC

ISBN-10: 140410433X
ISBN-13: 9781404104334

Printed and bound in China

www.thomasnelson.com

Table of Contents

Men handle the whole baby thing differently than women do.

Upon hearing the news, they dont go to the office, burst into tears, and scream, Were pregnant! They dont stay up late at night reading books on lactation. They think buying a baby crib just about wraps up the whole shopping thing. They are flabbergasted to learn that a baby has needs. And they think that by going to birthing class and learning the word push, theyve become active participants, if not authority figures, in the pregnancy world.

But, of course, a man cant help but notice the two thousand books stacked up on his wifes bedside table or discover that he can actually feel a babys foot inside her stomach, or that whenever she wants to talk about the baby, theres usually one minute left in the game and his team is driving for the go-ahead touchdown, so he has to act interested while secretly wishing she would move just two inches to the left so he can see the TV.

The fact is, dads are just as excited, depressed, worried, happy, awed, and stressed as moms, but who do they tell this to? Their workout buddies? Fat chance. Yet, thats exactly who they should be talking to. Other men. Other dads. Other dads-to-be. So this book is like telling a bunch of other guys, Uh... were... uh... having a baby and... and Im feeling, you know, kind of weird.

And his friends look at him sympathetically, and one of them says, Really? Because thats the way youre gonna feel for the rest of your life. But at least your kids will think you know what youre doing. For a while.

1. Being a dad means becoming heroic.

2. Being a dad means being a man. In all situations.

3. Being a dad means understanding God has big plans for you. He chose you to be the father of His child.

4. Being a dad means making promisesand keeping them.

5. Being a dad means being around. Studies show that kids without responsible fathers are more likely to experience poverty, perform poorly in school, and engage in criminal activity, premarital sex, drug abuse, and heavy alcohol consumption.

6. Being a dad means admitting your screw-ups, but not dwelling on them.

7. Being a dad means providing for your family. And that can mean sleepless nights, ulcers, and low-grade fear.

8. Being a dad means making your child feel safe.

9. Being a dad means telling them a little blood wont hurt them.

10. Being a dad means telling your kids to deal with scrapes and bruises by:

A. Walk it off!

B. Blow on it.

C. Run it under cold water.

11. Being a dad means telling stories of adventure and bravery.

12. Being a dad means assuring Mom that growing up involves pain and suffering.

13. Being a dad means teaching that happiness isnt a goal, but a consequence.

14. Being a dad means having high expectations for your kids.

15. Being a dad means being the heavy. Its your job to say no.

16. Being a dad means being your childs father. Not your childs friend. Dads who get this confused have confused kids.

17. Being a dad means demanding peace over justice. No matter who hit whom last.

18. Being a dad means teaching your kids that life is unfair.

19. Being a dad means making your kids believe they can do it themselves.

20. Being a dad means realizing if you dont want to move into a six-bedroom house, you need a vasectomy.

21. Being a dad means showing them how to stand up for their rights.

22. Being a dad means understanding that food stolen off your plate tastes better to your kids than any other food in the world.

23. Being a dad means showing your kids how to fix stuff. It helps, of course, if you know how to fix stuff.

24. Being a dad means you have to get off the couch.

25. Being a dad means giving your kids courage.

26. Being a dad takes balls baseballs, footballs, soccer balls, dodge balls, basketballs, tennis balls, and other spherical or semispherical objects.

27. Being a dad means teaching your kids to stand on their own two feet. Literally and philosophically.

28. Being a dad means letting them live without being the center of attention all the time.

29. Being a dad means making sure you live in a neighborhood safe enough for kids.

30. Being a dad means having more confidence in your kids than they have in themselves.

31. Being a dad means realizing that the only way to avoid sibling rivalry is to avoid siblings.

32. Being a dad means realizing life doesnt get any better than this. Ever.

33. Being a dad means understanding how dumb you are depends on the age of your child:

0 to 6 years old Dad knows everything.

6 to 8 years old Dad knows almost everything.

8 to 12 years old Dad knows many things.

12 to 16 years old Dad knows one or two things.

16 to 20 years old Dad knows nothing.

20 to 23 years old Maybe Dad does know one or two things.

23 to 25 years old Actually, Dad knows many things.

Over 25 Dad knows everything.

34. Being a dad means secretly panicking after hearing the news your wifes pregnant, accompanied by feelings of nausea, doom, and the need to hold on to the remote control.

35. Being a dad means showing unrestrained joy at the color of her urine.

36. Being a dad means realizing one of the most important things you can do for your baby is to love his mother.

37. Being a dad means determining to influence your childs faith, morals, integrity, and convictions before society does.

38. Being a dad means praying for your wife and childceaselessly.

39. Being a dad means being a good husband. Kids never have a good divorce.

40. Being a dad means learning it takes some $285,000 to raise a child and thinking youre screwed.

41. Being a dad means believing you have about two weeks to get all this figured outand then, eighteen years later, realizing you still dont have it all figured out.

42. Being a dad means listening to your father and your father-in-law talk about raising kids, regardless of what kind of fathers they were.

43. Being a dad means realizing youll see your wifes body again in about fifteen months.

44. Being a dad means discovering that living with a pregnant woman is a lot like living with a woman with PMS. Only shes heavier, moodier, and the symptoms dont go away in a week.

45. Being a dad means buying your unborn baby a baseball glove while everyone else is buying teething toys and baby mobiles.

46. Being a dad means waking up in a cold sweat over the thought of your increased responsibility. This is called delayed onset maturity.

47. Being a dad means striking up conversations about strollers with men at the gym.