Fred G. Gosman - Spoiled Rotten: Todays Children and How to Change Them

Copyright 1990 by Fred Gosman

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. Published in the United States by Villard Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York, and simultaneously in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto. Originally published in somewhat different form by Bashford & ONeill in 1990.

Villard Books is a registered trademark of Random House, Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Gosman, Fred G.

Spoiled rotten: Todays children and how to change them / by Fred G. Gosman. 1st ed.

p. cm.

Originally published: Milwaukee: Bashford & ONeill, 1990.

eISBN: 978-0-307-83117-0

1. Child rearingUnited States. 2. Discipline of children

United States. 3. Parent and childUnited States. I. Title.

[HQ769.G699 1991]

649.64dc20 91-27692

Grateful acknowledgment is made to The Washington Post for permission to reprint excerpts, appearing on the back of our jacket, from Trying the Gift of Love by Judy Mann. Copyright 1991 by The Washington Post. Reprinted with permission.

v3.1

This book grew out of my increasing frustration with the behavior of young people. As I turned forty, I found that maintaining silence became more difficult.

Ethics of work and behavior are declining at an alarming rate. I am amazed by the underachievement of many of our young, as the easy way becomes their chosen way.

And I am tired of seeing parents cater to their childrens every whim, giving so much of themselves, yet frequently receiving so little in return.

It would be simple to give up, and claim that what worked previously is no longer applicable today. But that would also be the easy way.

For I still strongly believe in the essential strength and goodness of people, and feel that millions share this faith. Perhaps they are grandparents, silently watching their grandchildrens behavior in horror. Perhaps they are parents, sensing something is wrong but not knowing what to do about it. And perhaps they are even children, aware that their own self-indulgence and apathy are downright unnatural.

I do know that to regain control we parents need to start communicating, working together, enforcing our standards, and surrounding our children with more love but fewer things. Only when we begin to create change will we and our children be confident once again.

It is in this spirit that I dedicate this book to my two children, Bobby and Mike.

Fred Gosman

The publication of this book in its current Villard edition is to me a miracle.

For many months I tried unsuccessfully to find a publisher. Youre no expert, I was told. Get some credentials.

Instinctively I felt that being an everyday parent instead of an expert was a major plus, not a minus. After all, we parents know our kids best. In addition, I sensed that millions of people shared my frustration with the underachievement and self-centeredness of so many of our young.

So, being a tad stubborn (to be honest, more than a tad), I self-published Spoiled Rotten. I filled my car with gas, piled the dashboard with maps, and naively began spreading the word in nearby cities. In my wildest dreams I could not have imagined the ground swell of support that followed.

I initially traveled to Indianapolis, where David Mannweiler of the News had the guts to call my self-published work one of the most important books of the year. After my head came down from the clouds, I pointed the car toward Dayton, to meet with D. L. Stewart, writer of the marvelous nationally syndicated Paternity Ward column. To my amazement, he devoted a whole column to me, and termed Spoiled Rotten a double-barreled pep talk for parents. In Toledo, Detroit, Fort Wayne, South Bend, and everywhere, the response was the same. Clearly I was striking a chord; people all over were tired of indulged but still unhappy children.

Miraculously, I shipped the initial three thousand books in just nine weeks, even though they were marketed in only six states. Quickly, I needed to produce five thousand more copies, and then another five thousand as I traveled further from Milwaukee and as word of mouth spread.

Suddenly my mailbox was full of letters from readers who praised the book (I never knew that mail could be so much fun). I loved receiving these letters, and encourage new readers to write. I learned much from these communications, and it was very satisfying to see my words touch others. One especially kind writer even gave me the ultimate accolade: she said reading Spoiled Rotten was like having a conversation with her mother!

Talk radio stations inundated me with requests for interviews, and I even received inquiries about the book from the Today show and Readers Digest. You can imagine my excitement. Increasingly my wife and I wondered how we could finance the publication of as many books as we seemingly needed, and how we could handle their distribution. Then along came J.M. of the W.P., and my life changed in ways I could hardly have imagined.

Judy Mann is an award-winning columnist for the Washington Post. Yes, the Washington Post. Incredibly, she found my book of interest and devoted an entire column to it. Well, all hell broke loose. Book sales went nuts, I got more calls from newspapers and radio stations, and I even heard from literary agents. I selected an especially engaging fellow, and incredibly, the first publisher he showed the book to bought it.

Increasingly it is difficult for a nobody to break into publishing. I want to express my thanks to my agent, Rafe Sagalyn, and my editor, Diane Reverand, for their belief in me.

In a short period of time I have gone from salesman to author, from self-published to published by a division of Random House. I would hope that this incredible change of fortune gives encouragement to everyone contemplating a long shot. For if nothing else, Spoiled Rotten proves that if one works quite hard and is blessed with a great deal of luck, dreams can and do occasionally come true.

Fred Gosman

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

March 1992

What has become of our children?

Remember when kids cut lawns rather than classes, and swore by their parents, not at them?

When proms didnt cost three hundred dollars, and Memorial Day wasnt just a picnic?

When people got their self-esteem from their home, not from a class in school, and professional tennis players actually behaved?

Recently five children in Pennsylvania were discovered in a park using bags of grass clippings and sugar to operate a make-believe cocaine ring. As one official said, Whatever happened to lemonade?

Increasingly our kids get their self-concept from the number of their toys or the color of their Bugle Boys. Excellence is declining; thoughtfulness is for squares. And good manners is belching softly.

The very moral fabric of society is endangered. Our mayors do drugs; many high schools have nurseries. Alcoholism has invaded the middle school, and date rape on campuses is completely out of control.

Many children today believe they were put on earth to play, that everything must be fun. Math and writing skills are considered irrelevant, needless in an age of calculators, and computers with spell checkers.