Susan Caughman - You Can Adopt: An Adoptive Families Guide

Matthew, United States

F or more than thirty years, Adoptive Families magazine has served as the leading source of authoritative, trusted parenting information for families before, during, and after adoption. The magazines editorial advisory board includes Americas leading adoption attorneys, pediatricians, psychologists, and social workers, all experts who can share the latest research, legislation, and policy But the real experts are the hundreds of thousands of Adoptive Families readers, the women and men who have walked every possible path to parenthood, who have adopted children from every imaginable situation, and who tell their stories in our pages.

You Can Adopt walks you through the practical steps of adoption: Where do I start? Do I need an attorney? How do I make sure the child is healthy? Where do I find a social worker? Which are the best adoption agencies? For each stage, it gives clear options and honest, unvarnished advice. More crucially, it walks with you as you make the decisions only you can make: When do I stop treatment for infertility? How do I persuade my spouse? How important is it to me to parent a newborn baby? How do I tell my parents? Do I want a child who looks just like me? In this book, our readers write about the choices they made before you; they share their reasoning and the results. Sometimes they made mistakes; by reading about them, you can avoid their errors. Some had a smooth, easy path; others changed direction and found themselves in a place they never expected to be. But all of them ended up saying, This is my child. And they sent us these photographsevery one an adopted child brought home by one of our familiesto prove it.

THE EDITORS
Adoptive Families

Carolyn, United States

Contents

PART I

1 Can I Do This?
Making the Decision to Adopt

2 Where Is My Child?
Choices in Adoption: Domestic and International

3 Can I Choose a Child?
How to Think About Race, Age, and Gender

PART II

4 Where Do I Start?
Choosing Your Adoption Team

5 How Much Will This Cost?
Real Expenses and Real Solutions

6 Can I Adopt a Healthy Child?
Understanding the Medical Issues

7 Why Is There So Much Paperwork?
Preparing Your Home Study and Dossier

8 Why Does This Have to Take So Long?
Preparing for Your New Child

9 Is This My Child?
Choosing to Accept a Child Referral or Birth-Mother Match

10 What If It Doesnt Work Out?
How to Make Sure Your Adoption Succeeds

PART III

11 Will We Fall in Love?
Bonding and Attachment for You and Your Child

12 Is There a Greeting Card for This?
Your Childs Birth Mother and Other New Relatives

13 What Do I Tell My Child?
Creating the Adoption Story

14 Who Needs to Know?
Talking to Teachers, Doctorsand Strangers

15 Is This Normal?
Speech Delays, Learning Disabilities, and Other Complications

16 Will We Live Happily Ever After?
Adoptees on Adoption

What Kind of Adoption Is Right for You?
The Decision Matrix

Brian, United States

A Note from the Editors

While it is our intention that the content of You Can Adopt be timeless, there will always be new circumstances to consider. Adoption laws and practices change constantly, at the international, national, and state level; it is important that you keep abreast of developments that will affect your particular situation. This book should be used for informational purposes only, and is not meant to take the place of advice from attorneys, medical doctors, social workers, or other professionals with whom you consult as you go through the adoption process.

Gabriel, United States

Introduction

O nce upon a time, we were in your shoesbeginning to think about adoption, not sure what to do next, not even sure we wanted to adopt. Now, so many years later, we are helping our children fill out college applications, teaching them to drive, learning to like their boyfriends and girlfriends, and beginning, ever so subtly, to hint about grandchildren. Our children are not adopted; they were adopted, and now theyre just our children. Happy, smart, loving, successful, gorgeous children.

People say that you forget about the pain of childbirth. Once the baby arrives, nothing else matters. Adoption is, remarkably, the same. The agonizing decisions, the piles of paperwork, the absurd, time-wasting bureaucraciesthey all fade away. Here is your child, and you are a family. How you came to be a family doesnt matter at all.

We are not here to talk you into adopting a child. But we can make you a promise, from our own personal experiences and from our time at Adoptive Families magazine: You can create a family. You can fall in love with a child and be loved in return. You can adopt.

S USAN C AUGHMAN
I SOLDE M OTLEY

The Top Ten Myths About Adoption

1. There are no babies, especially American babies.
   Of the 100,000 or so adoptions that take place in the United States every year, about 25,000 are of American newborns.

2. Children adopted from abroad are all disabled or disturbed.
   The vast majority of international adoptees are healthy, happy children.

3. Adoption takes years (unless youre a celebrity)