Laura Beauvais-Godwin - The Complete Adoption Book: Everything You Need to Know to Adopt a Child

The Complete Adoption Book, Third Edition

Everything You Need to Know to Adopt a Child

Laura Beauvais-Godwin and Raymond Godwin, Esq.

ADAMS MEDIA
AVON, MASSACHUSETTS

Copyright 2005, 2000, 1997 by Laura Beauvais-Godwin and Raymond W. Godwin All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

Published by Adams Media, an F+W Publications Company
57 Littlefield Street
Avon, MA 02322
www.adamsmedia.com

ISBN-13: 978-1-59337-369-6
ISBN-10: 1-59337-369-4
Printed in the United States of America.

J I H G F E D C B

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Beauvais-Godwin, Laura.
The complete adoption book : everything you need to know to adopt a child/Laura Beauvais-Godwin and Raymond Godwin. 3rd ed.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 1-59337-369-4
1. AdoptionUnited States. I. Godwin, Raymond. II. Title.
HV875.55.B45 2005
62.734'0973dc22
2005019809

The authors have made every effort to ensure that the information contained in this book is current and up to date; however, matters relative to adoption often change quickly. Because adoption involves people and changing information, the authors have found that each adoption scenario is unique and different to some degree. This book, therefore, should not be a substitute for an adoption professional's involvement in your specific adoption matter.

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the
American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their product are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Adams Media was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed with initial capital letters.

This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.
For information, please call 1-800-289-0963.

W e dedicate this book to our dear children, Erika and Elizabeth, who have taught us that a true family is one based on love, openness, and honesty. We also thank their birth mothers, who made this all possible.

CONTENTS

Preface

I n the United States today, there are between 200,000 and 500,000 single people or couples who want to adopt. This dream is said to be very costly and difficult to achieve. Yet, nearly everyone we know who has actively and diligently sought to adopt has had a baby or child in the home within eighteen months.

Seventeen years ago my husband Ray and I did not know this. In fact, we were not aware that there were choices in the area of adoption. We did not know that a couple could adopt and have a baby within months. When we seriously began to consider adoption, we gave little thought to independent adoption. The idea of advertising for a baby made us uncomfortable; more important, we did not know anyone who had adopted independently. We had heard that independent adoption was risky and that it usually required the assistance of an expensive attorney.

So, for a couple of years we pursued adoption through more traditional channels. Like many prospective adoptive parents, we spent years examining applications and finally completed the forms for a few adoption agencies. This was a rather complicated process since some applications were quite lengthy, and even after completing forms and sending in application fees, we had no guarantee of becoming parents. After attending a meeting conducted by an international adoption agency, we finally decided that we would adopt through an agency that placed Korean babies in a matter of months.

Then on the day that we mailed our final application to the international agency, an acquaintance called us and asked whether we would be interested in meeting with a pregnant woman who wanted to place her baby for adoption. We were stunned. In a reversal of all our expectations, we became parents in four short months through independent adoption.

Moving from that fateful telephone call to our daughter Erika's arrival was trying, despite the fact that our adoption was relatively simple and uneventful. So after we became adoptive parents, my husband decided to use his experience in family law and his personal experience as an adoptive parent to provide independent adoption services. Two and a half years after Erika was born, an agency for whom Ray worked as a consultant asked whether he would be interested in adopting a baby that was soon to be born. Three weeks later, Elizabeth was in our arms.

Later, I provided contracted services for the Department of Social Services. Then seven years ago, I was invited by David and Mary Mexcur of New Hope Christian Services, an adoption agency in New Hampshire, to start international adoption programs in South Carolina; so in 1998, Carolina Hope Christian Adoption Agency was born.

Our goal in writing this book is to provide you, the prospective adoptive parent, with a step-by-step resource to guide you through a process that can sometimes feel overwhelming. Couples often tell us that they feel bewilderedthat they do not even know where to begin. We have been there, too. In fact, when we were researching the adoption laws and practices of Canada, we were reminded of what it was like to begin the adoption process for the first time. When we started to look at adoption, we were helped tremendously by adoptive parents associated with a local chapter of RESOLVE, an infertility support and referral organization. They understood adoption issues and knew how to give us good, practical advice. Simple things such as encouraging the birth mother to stay on a nonmaternity floor if she wished was invaluable information at a time when our emotions were running high. In fact, knowing people who had been through all the emotions that we were about to experience was very comforting.

Still, even with this advice we often felt unsure about how to handle certain situations. Unfortunately, we knew of no book that could help us with issues such as talking with birth mothers, meeting with obstetricians, and when to pay medical expenses. Nor did we know of a book that could prepare us for the perplexing situations that my husband and I would encounter: the obstetrician who told my daughter's birth mother that the adoption was illegal or the hospital staff who made insensitive remarks.

Our experience has taught us that nearly every adoption unfolds a little differently from what is expected. Adoptionlike all other miracleshas its quirks and unpredictable moments. Nevertheless, there are some constants in the process, and preparation can alleviate a great deal of uncertainty. If you follow our advice, there's no reason pursuing adoption shouldn't be a positive experience for you and for the birth parents too, if they are involved in the process.

As with any process, the more you know about adoption at the outset, the more confident you can be. There is a lot of information contained in the following pages and a lot of choices to make. Do not become overloaded. Find what is best for you. As you will see, adoption can be broken down into manageable steps. In the chapters that follow, you will find much of the legal and practical information you will need to make you comfortable with the process. We have experienced many different adoption situations and learned a great deal about the nuances of the process. We also remember how we felt when we first got involved in adoption. We hope this book reflects that.