Molly Forbes - Body Happy Kids: How to help children and teens love the skin theyre in

Molly Forbes is a writer, presenter, campaigner and a mum to two daughters. As well as co-presenting the podcast Body Cons, Molly regularly appears at events and in the media talking about body image, children and mental health. She has spoken on ITVs This Morning, BBC Breakfast, Sky Sunrise, Sky News, Radio 1 Newsbeat and various regional stations.

In 2019 Molly appeared as one of the hosts on Channel 4s Naked Beach and later founded the #FreeFromDiets movement, calling for tighter restrictions in the way weight loss products and slimming services are advertised around children. She also runs workshops for teachers and youth leaders on the subject of body image and is currently setting up the The Body Happy Organisation CIC, a social enterprise dedicated to the creation of resources to help parents, teachers and carers to promote positive body image for children. Molly lives in Devon with her children and husband.

For Freya, Effie, Erin, George, Ella and Felix.
May you always know how lovely you are.

We are not born hating our bodies. I dont think I appreciated this statement fully until I became a mother and saw for myself how distinctly unbothered babies are by what the world thinks of them (#BeMoreBaby should be a thing). Both my daughters came out of my body with an unquestioning instinct for what made their own bodies feel good. Loudly, often in the middle of the night, they would tell me when they were hungry and, once theyd filled their bellies, theyd drift off into a milky state of bliss. Then theyd wake up, play, shout for more milk and sleep again. Id look at their tiny fingernails, the soft pulsating point on the top of their skulls, their little feet kicking wildly at the world, and would feel an icy slither of anger at the thought that anyone or anything would ever make them feel even a hint less than absolutely perfect.

My snoozing, milk-drunk babies lived happily in the experience of their bodies every day. They didnt look down at their stomachs or peer round at their bums and think of these body parts as somehow separate to themselves, needing to be trained or moulded or trimmed down. And, as toddlers, they raced unselfconsciously towards the pool and jumped into the water with absolute unquestioning freedom. They were yet to see their bodies as works in progress or something to improve. They appreciated their bodies for what they could do. They didnt gaze wistfully at the models in fashion magazines or the footballers on telly and wish they looked like them. They didnt even notice them to begin with.

When you stop to think about all the messages telling us that our bodies arent good enough just as they are, its a miracle anyone feels good in the skin theyre in and an even bigger miracle that babies seem to get out of it all relatively unscathed. But what if, without even realising it, were contributing to the feelings of body doubt and the culture of comparison our sons and daughters are experiencing when theyre as young as three years old? The messages telling us that our bodies are a problem are everywhere, and our children are not immune to them. The messages arent just on TV, in magazines or on social media; theyre in the home, at school and in the playground too.

The good news is that, once you know the problem, its easier to find the solution half the battle is spotting the issue in the first place. Im going to help you with this by shining a light on the negative messages (because theyre not always easy to identify), sharing ideas on how to counteract them and offering clear, evidence-based, inspiring tools to boost your kids body happiness and make them feel fabulous just as they are. I have no doubt some of what you read will also help you to feel better in your own skin too.

If youre reading this thinking that its all going to be an uphill battle, please dont despair. I wrote this book from the perspective of someone who was most definitely (and unwittingly) part of the problem, standing in the way between my children and their own body confidence. A few years ago, I had to explain to my five-year-old daughter why I was weighing spinach. It wasnt any old spinach it was organic, baby leaf spinach, as specified by the latest healthy eating fad I was embarking on in order to have a flatter stomach for our first family holiday abroad later that year. In my quest for a smaller, tighter, smoother body I didnt notice my daughter watching me stepping on the scales each morning or sucking my tummy in critically when I looked in the mirror. I was so consumed by the idea that I needed to get healthy, I didnt realise that what I was doing wasnt actually very healthy at all.

Mummy, why are you weighing spinach? was my light-bulb moment. In that second I realised I didnt have a rational answer for my daughter; Because I want to be slimmer so I can wear a bikini on holiday, because you should only really enjoy the feeling of the sun on your belly if your belly is small and firm, didnt seem like a sensible response. And so began my first tentative steps towards body acceptance.

As soon as I started to feel good about my body wobbles and all I also started to notice all the things trying to drag me back down. And, in the process, I began to be aware of all the messages trying to drag my children down too. From the Disney princesses who all have one type of body to the diet chat from parents in the playground on the way into school. From the lack of representation in picture books to the stories and TV shows equating fat with lazy. From the simplified lessons on nutrition telling children that some food is good and some food is bad to the filters their friends are applying on their own social media photos. These messages are everywhere.

Im not an academic or a clinician, but I am a journalist and a mum who just wants to know the best way to help my daughters avoid ever feeling the need to weigh spinach as I did. I want my children and yours to always feel like theyre enough, just as they are. So I set out on a journey to try to find the best way to raise body happy kids and unpick some of the messages Id spent a lifetime learning. And I did it the only way I know how: by talking to people.

My travels took me on to Naked Beach a prime-time, pre-watershed body-confidence-boosting TV show based on a social experiment devised by Dr Keon West from Goldsmiths University where I was one of the hosts helping a group of guests overcome their own body insecurities. In 2019 I appeared on telly in nothing but body paint. There was a moment, when we were doing promo for the show, when I got lost in the corridors of Television Centre wearing nothing but a thong and body paint, trying to find my way back to the green room before we went on the This Morning sofa!

My search for answers continued in a new podcast all about body image called Body Cons, which I co-hosted alongside my friend, writer and trainee counsellor Lottie Storey, and where we interviewed academics and activists, campaigners and doctors, models and mental health advocates. I started campaigning on the issue too, founding the #FreeFromDiets campaign, calling for tighter restrictions in the way diet brands and weight-loss products advertise around children, and running workshops for teachers and youth workers.