Elaine Fantile Shimberg - The Complete Single Father: Reassuring Answers to Your Most Challenging Situations

OTHER BOOKS BY ELAINE FANTLE SHIMBERG

Another Chance for Love (coauthored)

Coping with COPD: Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease

Coping with Chronic Heartburn: What You Need to Know About Acid Reflux and GERD

Blending Families: A Guide for Parents, Stepparents, and Everyone Buildinga Successful New Family

Write Where You Live

How to Get Out of the Hospital Alive (coauthored)

A Heritage of Helping: Shriners Hospitals

Living with Tourette Syndrome

Gifts of Time (coauthored)

Depression: What Families Should Know

Strokes: What Families Should Know

Relief from IBS: Irritable Bowel Syndrome

Coping with Kids and Vacation (coauthored)

Two for the Money: A Womans Guide to a Double Career Marriage (coauthored)

How to Be a Successful Housewife/Writer

THE
COMPLETE
SINGLE FATHER

Reassuring Answers to Your Most Challenging Situation

Elaine Fantle Shimberg and Michael Shimberg
Foreword by Joseph Grenny

Copyright 2007 by Elaine Fantle Shimberg and Michael Shimberg

All rights reserved.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

Published by Adams Media, an F+W Publications Company
57 Littlefield Street
Avon, MA 02322
www.adamsmedia.com

ISBN-10: 1-59869-208-9
ISBN-13: 978-1-59869-208-2
eISBN: 978-1-44051-650-4

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
is available from the publisher

Printed in Canada.
J I H G F E D C B A

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

The Complete Single Father is intended as a reference volume only, not as a medical manual. In light of the complex, individual, and specific nature of heath problems, this book is not intended to replace professional medical advice. The ideas, procedures, and suggestions in this book are intended to supplement, not replace, the advice of a trained medical professional. Consult your physician before adopting the suggestions in this book. The authors and publisher disclaim any liability arising directly or indirectly from the use of this book.

Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their product are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Adams Media was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed with initial capital letters.

This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.
For information, please call 1-800-289-0963.

Dedicated to my son, Michael, who agreed to coauthor this book amidst all the juggling necessary between his career and caring for his two young children. His thoughtful insights were invaluable. Michael, working with you has been a delight and has added a new dimension to our relationship. I love you.

EFS

Dedicated to my children, Zachary and Ashley, the two best things that have ever happened in my life. I love you.

MBS

CONTENTS

PART ONE
SINGLE PARENTING

PART TWO
DADDY DETAILS: NEW
DAY-TO-DAY CHALLENGES

PART THREE
GETTING YOUR LIFE BACK

PART FOUR
EX-MATTERS: DIPLOMACY WITH THEIR MOTHER

Foreword
JOSEPH GRENNY

I had a dream once. A nightmare, really. It was of the kind that many of us havethe one where you show up for school and realize to your horror that theres a test. In this dream it was a final exam. I flipped through the pages of the test in a panic, trying simply to figure out what the subject was. I not only didnt know the answers, I couldnt even understand the questions. Did I even attend this class? How did I end up here? The paper sat in front of me demanding answers. I looked up at the clock and licked my lips nervously. I now had forty-three minutes of my class period left to do something I was entirely unprepared for. And my future depended on getting it right.

As I read this book I heaved a sigh of relief for every unexpectedly single father who will read it. For those who find themselves scrambling for answers to questions on a final they had no time to study for, this amazingly comprehensive work will help them not only understand the questions but find wise and balanced answers. For those who are feeling terribly alone facing time-sensitive decisions, youll find the Shimbergs to be welcome and comforting companions.

But let me urge you to look for more in this important book than for counsel or comfort. If you find yourself facing a life final in decision-making, negotiation, communication, coping, balancing, budgeting, teaching, peacemaking, or healingin relationship to your childrenyoull find a wealth of wisdom in these pages. But what struck me as I read the Shimbergs book was less what it offered for the dozens of conundrums single fathers face, but more so what the cumulative effect of allowing these pages to influence your approach to fathering will be. Each of the challenging circumstances you face combine to shape both who you are as a human being and ultimately the values you pass to your children. In fact, the added emotional complexity of single parenting serves to magnify the effect your actions have on both your character and that of your children.

The further I read into this book, the more heartened I grew in the realization that it offers as much a code for life as counsel for key moments. The Shimbergs are ultimately qualified to write this book not just because of what they know, but because of who they are. Both have a deep love for children. Both have enormous empathy for single fathers. And both are the kind of human beings wed all do well to emulate.

I heartily recommend this book both as a ready reference for moments of crisis and as a mosaic of values that define what a fine fathersingle or otherwiseshould be.

PROVO, UTAH
JANUARY 2007

Joseph Grenny is coauthor of the New York Timesbestselling Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations and Bad Behavior and coauthor of Influence Genius: Powerful Strategies to Change Your Self, Your Business and Your World.

Acknowledgments

This book could never have been written without the input of so many, especially the more than fifty single dads who offered stories of what worked for them, what didnt, and what they wished they had known earlier. Although most of them did not know us before we contacted them through friends or relatives, they nevertheless were willing to discuss intimate thoughts, disappointments, frustrations, and successes in being single fathers. They readily demonstrated that dads can be loving, caring, and nurturing parents. We owe them a tremendous debt of gratitude and wish them continued happiness.

Special thanks to Dan Totcky, who shared so much of his single-father experiences and added excellent suggestions for what needed to be included in order to make this book an important guide for newly single dads. Dan recently joined our family, adding his two lovely daughters, Jenny and Elise, to the grandchildren group, now numbering an even dozen, with six girls and six boys.