Charles Sophy - Family Values: Reset Trust, Boundaries, and Connection with Your Child

Forward by Dr. Phil McGraw

Family Values

Reset Trust, Boundaries, and Connection with Your Child

Dr. Charles Sophy

Dr. Charles Sophy wrote Family Values because he truly values family. He recognizes that your family is the most precious, defining aspect of your entire life and is the yardstick by which you willand shouldmeasure your success in this world.

We all want our children to thrive and succeed in every possible way. Family Values is going to help ensure that comes to pass for you as a parent. Why? Because you and your family deserve it. All those good things that transpire in healthy, happy, functional families are not just for other people. Theyre not just what you hear about or see on television or in a movie. Those beautiful things are for you and your family, and Dr. Sophy is here to help you recognize that, know it to the core of your being, and step up and claim what is rightfully yours.

Dr. SophyCharlie to all of us who have the privilege of working in the trenches alongside himhas always recognized that parents are raising adults, not children, and that everything your child will ever be, they are now becoming. He wants to help you do it right; he knows how to build on your God-given parental instincts, and, most important, he cares enough to tell you what you need to hear instead of what you want to hear.

Dr. Sophy speaks and writes plain truth, yet Ive never heard him play the blame game. You wont read a word of him pointing fingers at you in this book. I suspect youre doing some great things as a parent; he will help you embrace those parenting practices you need to keep. Hell also inspire you to change any that, based on results, arent working. Most important, he truly gets it. He gets that parenting is not even almost easy, and this is not the world you grew up in. This post-pandemic, social media dominated, fast-paced world is a high-risk environment in which to raise children. I know that sounds terrible, but it just is. Its tough out there. It matters not whether you struggle to make ends meet or live in a mansion; the challenges spare no family. Dr. Sophy has seen and solved the problems facing parents all across the entire spectrum. Hes a realist and knows youre not the only voice in your childs ear, so hes committed to making sure you are the best voice they hear. He will meet you where you are. No judgment, no lectures, no condemnationjust partnership.

Family Values isnt just a book, its a manual. Youll probably wear out your first copy and go pick up another one. Its full of hands-on tools, and youre going to be really surprised at a few things you find. Youll read about how your children need acceptance, permanence, and freedom to be kids. Further, the good doctor is going to tell you precisely how to bring those critical factors to bear. Perhaps the biggest surprise is going to be how hes also dedicated to rejuvenating you, Mom and Dad. All this knowledge, skill, and work lifts so much weight off your shoulders so you can lead your family with joy, love, and confidence, because thats what youll feel inside.

Im excited for you and the journey youre about to take with my dear friend and colleague Dr. Charles Sophy and Family Values: Reset Trust, Boundaries, and Connection with Your Child.

Dr. Phil McGraw

Congratulations. You have just cracked open the last book you will ever need to have the secure, loving, joyful, lasting family youve always wanted. Youre about to gain the tools that will get your familystarting with youwhere you want and need to be. Now, your getting this tool kit and setting it into action may very well put me out of business, but if it gets your family to a stable, trusting, thriving placewhich it willnothing would gratify me more.

My name is Dr. Charles Sophy, and I am the former medical director of the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), the largest child welfare system in the country. When a childs safety or well-being is in question, when the police have to get involved, or when its obvious that a child is in danger, Im called to step in. Im the guy they turn to when the wheels have really fallen off the bus.

Im also a physician in private practice who treats adults, children, and all kinds of families. Im board-certified in three specialties: family practice, adult psychiatry, and child and adolescent psychiatry. Since I work with people of all ages, on the medical side as well as the mental health side, I take a holistic approach to assessing a situation and developing a plan that will get kids back on track. Its my job to pinpoint the problems families face, forecast what may look innocent today but could blow up tomorrow, and provide a road map that will lead each family member and the unit as a whole to safety, health, and well-being.

When I meet a family, I look into everything. Whether I see a child whos acting out, a teen struggling with anxiety, parents at their wits end, or an entire family in need of a serious course correction, I explore and treat all facets of their life. From ordering an MRI to performing psychological tests, running blood work, or putting hair follicles under a microscope, I look at all the factors that merge togetheremotional, psychological, physical, or otherwise. I take nothing at face value, and only feel comfortable making a diagnosis and recommendations after understanding the patient as a whole human being. When a child comes to the attention of the Los Angeles County DCFS, I interface with that child in collaboration with the family, the child welfare system, and multiple other public and/or private agencies. More often than not, Ill need to make recommendations for that child as well as for other children and adults in the family. Treating the whole family will enable each individual member to feel the stability they need to thrive, which will, in turn, ensure the strength of the family. The bottom line: Any family unit is a system thats only as strong as its weakest member, and when theres work to be done, nobody gets a free pass.

There arent always visible issues or scars on the outside that warrant my involvement, and far too often even the most well-meaning parents neglect to provide one of the most basic things that every child needs: a sense of stability. Every child deserves and craves that permanence, whether it stems from something as basic as a home free of neglect or from having a predictable structure, age-appropriate rules, and clear expectations. These are the fundamentals to making a childand, frankly, an entire familyfeel safe.

The problem is that many of us were not provided these essentials in our own formative years, and faced other challenges in our upbringing that have had long-lasting implications. Therefore, we simply do not have the tools or the role-modeling skills to offer them appropriately and fully to our children. As a result, we may not be able to understand, deal with, or even accurately identify conditions that could negatively affect our children. Thats where I come in. The good news is, no matter what challenges you faced in your upbringing, you still can do better for your children. There is hope for your family no matter your background or current circumstances. I can practically hear you asking, Are you sure? What if its too late and Ive already done this parenting thing all wrong? Its not too late; it never is. And whatever mistakes youve made along the way, as we all have, were going to acknowledge them, learn from them, and then have the know-how to do better. Ive treated some of the most extreme, dramatic, and complicated family situations that exist. I also see a significant number of families who are doing the very best they can, day in and day out, yet have hit some kind of bump in the road. In every case, we start with the basics. Theres always a safe and healthy way to move forward, no matter how complicated life has become or how out of whack your family dynamic feels. Ive helped families in total disaster facing obstacles that seem insurmountable, and now I will help you every step of the way.