dailyBooks - No-Drama Discipline--The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Childs Developing Mind  by Daniel J. Siegel  | Conversation Starters

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Dr. Dan Siegels

No Drama Discipline

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Introducing No Drama Discipline

I n the New York Times, bestselling book No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind , Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson tackle the big D word. Discipline is the ultimate parenting challenge. Most parents today equate the word discipline to consequences, rewards or punishment. The goal of most discipline techniques used by parents today is to compel immediate cooperation or to stop the kids from doing what theyre not supposed to be doing or to get them to begin what they should be doing. However, Dr. Dan Siegel says that among these common notions on discipline, there is a better way. He offers a different and new perspective on the job of the parents. The word discipline came from the Latin word discipline. This means giving instruction, teaching, and learning.

In his book No-Drama Discipline , authors Dr. Daniel J. Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson recommend a parenting model that is much like the original Latin meaning of the word discipline. The parents role is not the punisher but a teacher. The childs role is the pupil or learner, or better a disciple. As teachers, a parents curriculum should involve lessons on how the children can manage their impulses, calm down their big emotions and be aware of their behavior and its impact on others. The goal of these lessons should be for the child to graduate into adulthood with capability on how to be thoughtful, to cooperate and foster meaningful relationships with others. Another role that parents have towards their children should be nurturing their physical and mental growth. During the adolescent years, the brains of children are wiring and thus making connections between the upstairs brain and the downstairs brain. The upstairs brain is responsible for complex and sophisticated thinking. This involves planning and imagining. The downstairs brain is responsible for basic body functions, instincts, and emotions. These include breathing, digesting and sleeping. The authors Siegel and Bryson help parents facilitate how to wire the upstairs and the downstairs brain.

The authors advocate against any aggressive disciplinary technique. An example is spanking. This discipline technique inflicts pain and creates fear. Whoever does it to the child often causes negative effects on the neurological development of the child. This fosters long-term negative behavioral changes. Even if fewer parents nowadays use the spanking method, they offer substitutes like time out. This involves long periods of isolation of a child. This humiliates and terrifies the children with threats and other forms of psychological and verbal aggression. The parents view this as a logical consequence but the authors suggest that this method can be equally harmful to the mind of the child.

The authors say that its possible for parents to turn the discipline moments into teachable moments. They shared the key points of teachable and drama-free moments. First, stop and think. Dr. Bryson says that the point of discipline is to teach the child and build his skills. The usual reaction of a parent when their kids misbehave is punishment. But punishment does not teach patience, self-control or not throwing toys. In such situations, the parents should ask three questions: Why did my child do this? What is the lesson or skill I want to be taught? What is the best way to teach that? Even if the default response of the brain is combat and drama, the authors suggest hugging the child. Instead of punishment, give him full attention and talk to him on a level that will give him tools to react better the next time it happens.

Bryson says that the brain only has the capacity to learn in a receptive state, not on a reactive one. Before the parent attempts to teach, they need to ask Is my child ready to learn? Another advice that the authors gave is to get kids from a reactive state to a receptive state. They need to emotionally connect with them before their behavior can be misdirected. This allows an avenue for the children to be self-disciplined. The authors also advise reconsidering time-outs. They say that instead of sending children to a negative time-out, they should create a calm zone where she will have time to tinker with her favorite things, calm down and soothe himself. The authors say that when the kids misbehave, that it when they need their parents the most. When the parents send their children to their rooms for misbehaving they send a negative message. The next time the kid acts out, what the parents need to do is calm things down. The parent and the kids should spend reflective time together while connecting, talking and cuddling. This not only soothes the child but also the parent.

The Blessing of a Skinned Knee author Dr. Wendy Mogel says that this book is a rich resource for families trying to navigate meltdowns and misunderstandings. Emotional Intelligence author Daniel Goleman says that No-Drama Discipline offers a research-based, commonsense approach that any grown-up will be happy to use, and any kid will benefit from. Co-author of Raising Cain Dr. Michael Thompson says that No-Drama Discipline unlocks the secrets of discipline: what works and what doesnt, and why. He says that the authors insights and techniques will make you a better parent.