Amy Alamar - The Parenting Project: Build Extraordinary Relationships With Your Kids Through Daily Conversation

In a world of endless distraction, Alamar and Schlichting help parents stay focused on what really matters: family connection. The modern family is long on good intention and short on time. The Parenting Project is filled with helpful, practical strategies and conversation prompts so that you walk away with strategies you can implement immediately. A must-read book for the busy, modern family.

Madeline Levine, Ph.D., New York Times best-selling author of The Price of Privilege and Teach Your Children Well

The Parenting Project is rich with practical information and strategies for nurturing the vital art of conversation with our children. Whether its the incidental chats that build rock solid foundations, the more Ive got you ones that soften the sharp edges of the world, to the youve got you chats that help our children discover clarity and courage, conversation is instrumental in building our influence and connection with our children. The Parenting Project is a brilliant toolbox for all parents to strengthen their influence and connection with their children, and to make the conversational magic happen.

Karen Young, author of Hey Warrior and Hey Awesome; founder of Hey Sigmund

Dr. Alamar and Dr. Schlichting have created a useful resource on how to raise healthy, independent adults by providing parents with the tools on how to be respectful listeners and provide unconditional love while creating strong guard rails of limits that will support the journey as it swerves. The Parenting Projects easy-to-use prompts and activities will help kick-start daily conversations.

Marjo Talbott, head of an independent day school and parent of two

Parents play a key role in their kids adolescent development, and communication should be a top priority, right alongside brushing teeth and studying hard. This book provides a clear and practical road map to starting and continuing regular conversations that will help to develop deeper communication and connection with your teens.

Jill Halper, M.D., M.P.H., adolescent physician at Valley Community Healthcare

A warm and compassionate guide to sparking conversations that matter with your child. You dont have to be perfectand neither does your kid. Its all about learning and growing together.

Ann Douglas, author, Parenting Through the Storm

In the digital age, many of us are struggling to ensure our kids experience the joy of real communication and interpersonal connection. Full of practical tips and ideas, The Parenting Project is a step-by-step guide to building the deep relationships that so many parents struggle with.

Kathryn Litwin, M.D., Rocky Hill Pediatrics

The
PARENTING PROJECT

BUILD EXTRAORDINARY

RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR KIDS

THROUGH DAILY CONVERSATION

Amy Alamar, Ed.D., and Kristine Schlichting, Ph.D.

FOREWORD

THERE IS NOTHING MORE NATURAL THAN OPEN COMMUNICATION, BUT NATURAL DOESNT MEAN EASY. IT TAKES WORK. INVESTMENT. COMMITMENT. PRACTICE.

There is nothing more protective in the lives of children and teens than healthy relationships with their parents. The unconditional love we give our children tells them that they are worthy of being loved. It launches them into adulthood with the sense of safety and security they will need to get the most out of lifes gifts and to successfully navigate its curveballs. Unconditional love doesnt mean we approve of every action or behavior. Rather, it means we care so much that were not going anywhere. It is about seeing our children the way they deserve to be seen, as they really are, not based on a behavior they might be displaying.

We parent best when we stop looking at the child in front of us and begin imagining the 35-year-old we are raising. It is then that we stop prioritizing the happiness that comes with simple fleeting joys (though they can be nice!) and begin imagining how we can foster a sense of meaning and purpose. It is then that we stop thinking about grades and scores and begin thinking about supporting the skills that matter in the real world: perseverance, flexibility, collaboration, and the capacity to elicit and incorporate constructive feedback. It is then that we stop thinking about protection and begin thinking about preparation. It is then that we stop holding independence as our goal and begin grasping that what we really want is to raise children with the secure sense of themselves that allows them to maintain interdependent relationships.

We want to support our children to become their very best independent selves and we want to remain in their livesinterdependent on one anotherfor years to come. The secret to raising children who will benefit from interdependence is to not install control buttons in them during adolescence; this means they know that you have their backs but respect them as individuals. The key is to communicate with them in a way that they learn that sharing their lives with us is a good thing. They need to know that it brings them guidance as well as satisfaction. Joy even. For all of these reasons, open communication within our households is at the root of successful parenting and the tool you will use to guide your children in their journey toward a healthy adulthood.

A starting point is to reject the notion that as our children approach adolescence they need us less, or become uninterested in our thoughts or feelings. We live in a culture in which too many teenagers are met with an eye-roll and too many parents are told to hang on tight through the teen years. Adolescence is to be celebrated as a time of tremendous growth, not survived as a period to be gotten past. We know that teens care deeply about their relationships with their parents and look to us as a valuable source of guidance. We must create, starting at very early ages, the expectations that our homes are safe spaces in which we express our feelings, gain guidance and support and enjoy each other. We want our homes to be the place where our children learn that sharing their lives with us is a good thinga place where the seeds of lifelong interdependence are sown.

There is nothing more natural than open communication, but natural doesnt mean easy. It takes work. Investment. Commitment. Practice. It needs to become a pattern and a skill-set. The brilliance of The Parenting Project is that it offers the framework and strategies to build the kind of meaningful relationships within your family that will last a lifetime. Perhaps as importantly, what our children learn and live in our homes prepares them to have successful relationships in the workplace as well as loving and mutually respectful relationships within their future families.