John DeGarmo - The Little Book of Foster Care Wisdom: 365 Days of Inspiration and Encouragement for Foster Care Families

THE LITTLE
BOOK OF

FOSTER
CARE
WISDOM

Copyright 2018 Dr. John DeGarmo
All rights reserved.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data 2018966234

Print ISBN 9781641701242
Ebook ISBN 9781641701730
Printed in China

Edited by Kaylee Mason
Cover design by David Miles
Book design by inlinebooks

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
First Edition

THE LITTLE
BOOK OF

FOSTER
CARE
WISDOM

365 DAYS OF INSPIRATION
AND ENCOURAGEMENT
FOR FOSTER CARE FAMILIES

DR. JOHN DEGARMO

To little Bella, whom we love and miss.

FOREWORD

As I reflect on my seven years in foster care, there are some memories that rest in the forefront of my mind. The first is that I was adopted by my last set of foster parents two very wonderful individuals who really wanted to give me a new beginning and provide me with a safe, well-structured, and loving home. I came into their home when I was only two years of age, and they were the only mom and dad I had ever known. Both of them were blue-collar and believed that hard work was essential to success in life. I admired both of them for instilling me with a strong work ethic growing up. Another thing that I remember was that my parents were what some people would call old school. My father, Marion, was born in 1918, and my mother, Mary, was born in 1930.

Though both of my parents did the very best they could with what they had, they lacked the skills necessary to connect with me on an emotional level. Both had suffered various types of trauma within their own lives and believed that you just had to deal with whatever life threw your way. My father served as a marine in World War II and believed that men should not show emotionshe felt it displayed weakness. My mother suffered a chemical imbalance in her brain that caused her to be verbally and physically abusive at times.

Another event that I remember was failing the third grade and being placed into special education. This was 1977 and being a special education student was not the most popular thing to be. Im not sure why that year was so emotionally challenging or why I found it extremely difficult to do my schoolwork. As I reflect on it now, I personally believe that if I had been given emotional support from my parents at home, I would have been an amazing student. I remember wanting so badly for my parents to support me and tell me that they were proud of me. However, those words never came. There is a term thats called the self-fulfilling prophecy, which says that if you tell a child they are nothing long enough, they start to believe you. The same is true if you deposit positive words into the mind of a child.

Unfortunately for me, I was not given a lot of praise, and thus developed very low self-esteem and believed that my existence was a mistake. I felt alone, weird, sad, and totally out of place in my family. I remember wondering why my biological mother gave me up for adoption and why my adopted mother was verbally and physically abusive. I was confused as to why my adopted dad never told me he loved me and why he never took me to baseball games or played catch with me in the backyard. As crazy as it seems, I felt like they did not care and that I was a burden on them. Despite all of the things I felt and experienced as an eight-year-old boy, my life was forever changed when I met my third-grade special education teacher, Ms. Ritchie. Some people believe that angels live among us. Well I know firsthand that they do, because Ms. Ritchie was my angel.

Her presence was simply amazing and life changing. She instilled in me a thirst for life that still positively affects me to this day. I was not a very good student and would get frustrated when it came to my academic success because I felt like a failure. I felt like I was a stupid kid that nobody wanted. One day I was doing math and could not figure out the problem. I quickly became frustrated, broke my pencil, and began to cry uncontrollably. Ms. Ritchie walked over and asked me why I was crying. I told her that I was stupid and that I should give up trying because I would never get it right. At that moment, she got down on one knee and said three words that forever changed my life. She looked into my tear-filled eyes with so much love and simply said: Mark Anthony, YOU ARE SIGNIFICANT. The power of her words forever changed my life. That day she made a deposit into my emotional bank account, and as a result, I was shaped into the man I am today. I learned from that experience that the power of words can truly be transformational. I never imagined that one person could have such an impact on my life. One heart can truly make a difference.

If you are currently a foster parent, or are thinking about becoming one, just know that you are appreciated and needed in a massive way. There are thousands of children that need loving, safe, and stable homes. Being a foster parent is one of the most rewarding professions on the planet. It can also be extremely frustrating and arduous at times. However, you need not worry because within this outstanding book created by Dr. DeGarmo, you will find a plethora of practical tips and strategies designed to equip you with the necessary survival skills to become the greatest foster parent you can be. Having known Dr. DeGarmo for many years, I can say without question that his love for children and the child welfare profession is simply inspiring. He believes that every foster child has unlimited potential and is worth saving. If you read this book in its entirety, you will not only find survival tips, you will find the motivation necessary to keep pushing forward during difficult times. Most of all, you will gain a better understanding of what is necessary to inspire the foster kids you serve and to help them walk into their destiny and live a life filled with PURPOSE, PASSION, and unforgettable PRESENCE.

MARK ANTHONY GARRETT

Speaker, Author, Innovator
TeachersAreHeroes.com

PREFACE

I wasnt really ready to be a foster parent.

Sure, I went through the months of foster parent training and took the training courses. I had the background checks and home inspections. In addition, I had been a teacher for over a dozen years and had been working with children from all backgrounds each day. Oh, and need I mention that I was also a parent of three children, myself? To be sure, I thought I knew it all and that foster parenting would not pose too much of a problem for me.

Boy was I wrong.

Within twenty minutes of our first placement coming to live in our home, I recognized that I was not ready for foster parenting. The little four-year-old girl and her six-month-old sister were placed in our home late one evening, just a few weeks after our training had concluded. These two special little girls quickly taught me thatdespite all my training, my experience as a teacher, and my years as a parent to my own childrenfoster parenting brought with it a whole set of unique challenges. I soon found out that I had a lot to learn.