Acclaim for Nancy Schulman and Ellen Birnbaum's
PRACTICAL WISDOMforPARENTS
APublishers WeeklyBest Book of the Year
[Parents] will find comfort here. These authors are keen observers of kids and know what makes toddlers tick.
BookPage
A warm and commonsensical guide to this period of rapid growth. The authors have years of experience and it shows.
Newsday
Rewarding. [Schulman and Birnbaum] cover all the contemporary issues.
The Boston Globe
We've long benefited from the calming wit and considerable wisdom of Nancy Schulman and Ellen Birnbaum. Nancy and Ellen's insights and advice have helped us to not only survive each of our children's journeys, but also truly savor them. Do yourself, your family, and your child a favor: read this book.
Tracy Pollan and Michael J. Fox
If you ever wished your child had come with an instruction manual, this is it! Schulman and Birnbaum have covered all of the topics you need to know about (and didn't know who to ask or trust). Practical Wisdom for Parents offers great insights, useful tips, and the most thoughtful advice out there. If you are looking for a book to help you get through the tricky preschool years and come out with great kids, this book is a must-read.
Jane Buckingham, author of The Modern Girl's Guide to Life
Nancy Schulman and Ellen Birnbaum are two of the most wise, experienced, and creative people in child education. Nancy and Ellen use their unique expert abilities to help your child to be his best self. This is a must-read for every parent.
Gail Saltz, Clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry at New York Presbyterian Hospital and NBC's Today show contributor
Practical Wisdom for Parents provides parents the building blocks they need to guide their children through those key developmental preschool years. Refreshingly straightforward, Schulman and Birnbaum give advice on everything from picking preschools to teaching your children manners. This is an essential reference for every parent.
Harold S. Koplewicz, M.D., Founder and Director of The Child Study Center, New York University School of Medicine
Nancy Schulman and Ellen Birnbaum
PRACTICAL WISDOM
forPARENTS
Nancy Schulman has been the director of the 92nd Street Y Nursery School since 1990. She is also on the board of the Independent School Admissions Association of Greater New York, the Syracuse University School of Education Advisory Board, and the NYU Child Study Center Educational Advisory Board.
Ellen Birnbaum has been at the 92nd Street Y Nursery School since 1981, first as a teacher, for ten years as camp director, and as the associate director since 1997.
www.practicalwisdomforparents.com
TO OUR PARENTS
MARILYN AND ARTHUR MOTZKIN, EVELYN AND ABE GREENBERG,
WITH OUR PROFOUND LOVE , RESPECT , AND GRATITUDE
Contents
Part One
When to Start
Learning About Schools
What to Look For
The Application Process
Making Decisions
The Curriculum: What Children Learn at School
Home-School Communication: Speaking with Your Child's Teacher
How Parents Can Participate in School
Before School Starts
Saying Good-bye: Feelings, Styles, Techniques
The Adjustment Period: When Problems Arise
Recommended Books
How Children Socialize
When Problems Arise
Playdates
Birthdays
Overscheduling: Afterschool Activities and the Importance of Downtime
Recommended Books
Developmental Benchmarks: Physical, Language, Social, and Emotional
Problem Behaviors
When to Seek Professional Intervention: Working with Special Educators and Therapists
Recommended Books
Choosing the Next School
How to Apply: School Visits, Interviews, Testing
Making Decisions
When Preschool Ends: Feelings and Closure
Part Two
Routines
Transition Times: Mornings and Evenings
Bedtime and Sleep Issues
Mealtimes
Manners
Recommended Books
Setting Priorities in Family Life
You and Your Partner
Grandparents
Caregivers
New Babies
Siblings and Sibling Issues
Recommended Books
Why Is It So Hard?
How to Set Limits
Avoiding Conflicts
Discipline Tactics
Typical Problem Behaviors: Name-Calling, Bathroom Talk, Tantrums
When to Seek Professional Help
Recommended Books
Guiding Your Child Toward Ethical Behavior
What Do Children Understand?
Lying, Stealing, and Cheating
Developing Empathy
Volunteering as a Family
Recommended Books
Supporting Your Child's Growing Independence
Toilet Training
Blankets, Pacifiers, Bottles, and Sippy Cups
Washing, Dressing, Eating, and Drinking
Recommended Books
How Parents Can Support Play
Tips for Toy Shopping
Toys, Games, Materials, and Activities
How Children Play: Independent Play, Play with Others, Play with You
Play and Gender
Superhero Play
Screen Time: TV and Computers
Recommended Books
Transitions and New Experiences
Moving
Sex
Divorce
Illness: When You or Your Child Need to Go to the Hospital
Death
Recommended Books
Places to Visit and Things to Do
Holidays: Making Traditions and Finding Meaning
Family Vacations: Where to Go and What to Do
A Final Word: This Time Together Is Shorter Than You Think
Introduction
When your child was born, your life changed beyond recognition. You became a parent. But this was just the beginning. Parenthood is a job that constantly evolves and presents different challenges with each new phase. When you were the parent of an infant, you were totally absorbed in meeting your child's daily needs from moment to moment. You had to figure out if she was hungry, tired, or wet, or if she wanted to be held or stimulated. Your own needs became completely secondary to this tiny new arrival in your life. When your child grew to be a toddler, your role changed. With her new-found mobility, she began to explore and discover her world, presenting you with a very different set of challenges. She was in constant motion and often in potential danger, needing your supervision at all times.
Now that your child has reached preschool age, your role is changing again. Your energetic toddler has turned into a curious, adventurous, social, assertive, and physical preschooler. She has language to express herself and will tell you exactly what she thinks. She'll begin to deliberately disobey you and needs you to be clear, firm, and consistent so that she can feel safe. For a child at this age, everything is new and needs to be learnedmaking friends, toilet training, gaining a baby sibling, sharing toys, putting on clothing. As she grows and becomes ready to venture into the new world of school, teachers, and classmates, she'll be experiencing an unprecedented degree of independence. You'll need to take a half step back so that she can take one step forward. You'll constantly have to adjust your expectations for your child and for yourself. This can be an exciting yet mystifying time, requiring you to find your voice as a parent and to make decisions about your child's education for the first time. From now on, the choices you make who you are and what you say and doare going to have a profound influence on your child.