Donna Pincus - Growing up brave : expert strategies for helping your child overcome fear, stress, and anxiety

In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the authors intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at permissions@hbgusa.com. Thank you for your support of the authors rights.

Copyright 2012 by Donna Pincus, PhD

All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the authors intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at permissions@hbgusa.com. Thank you for your support of the authors rights.

Little, Brown and Company

Hachette Book Group

237 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10017

www.hachettebookgroup.com

www.twitter.com/littlebrown

Second e-book edition: August 2012

Little, Brown and Company is a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc., and is celebrating its 175th anniversary in 2012. The Little, Brown name and logo are trademarks of Hachette Book Group, Inc.

The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.

The Hachette Speakers Bureau provides a wide range of authors for speaking events. To find out more, go to www.hachettespeakersbureau.com or call (866) 376-6591.

ISBN 978-0-316-12560-4

To my wonderful daughters,
Sarah, Rachel, and Molly,
And to my husband, John, for beginning the adventure

On a warm September evening a couple of years ago, I was scheduled to give a talk to a group of parents and other interested parties on the subject of child anxietywhat causes it and how to prevent it. I hoped for at least a modest turnout. So I was shocked when more than seven hundred people filed into the high school auditorium to hear what I had to say.

Over the course of my two-hour presentation, I provided my audience with information about the nature, proper assessment, and state-of-the-art treatment of childhood anxiety disorders. They asked many questions. I showed video clips of some of my young patients who had successfully overcome their fears and phobias using the techniques I teach children and their parents. What struck me throughout the evening was the surge of emotional responses from parents, caregivers, guidance counselors, school nurses, pediatricians, psychologists, and clergy members. After a round of applause at the end, a lineformed in front of my podium. Fifty to sixty people wanted to talk to me about their loved one, their child who suffered from anxiety and who provided the impetus for them to arrive that night in search of answers.

One woman was tearful as she said, I came here for my granddaughter. She wont go to school. Weve had her on medication, but its not doing much good. Some mornings we have to fight with her just to get her out of bed. It breaks my heart to see her so trapped by her fears and worries. This concerned grandmother said she planned to bring home some of the skills she had learned that evening, and she added, I only wish I had heard this ten years ago, before things got so bad.

A parent approached to let me know that her daughter was just five years old, but she and her husband arranged for a babysitter so they both could attend and, she hoped, gain some insight into how to encourage her child to grow up feeling confident and brave. Many family members, this mother said, had what she believed were anxiety disorders and she watched how they had suffered and avoided situations. One refused to fly on airplanes. Another was so timid and fearful that she never seemed to enjoy life. While her young daughter showed no signs of severe anxiety, she stated that she wanted to be equipped with ideas and strategies that would help the girl develop coping skills to deal with her emotions as she got older.

One by one, I spoke with people in line. I talked to the father of a preschooler with severe separation anxiety; a mother afraid her children would imitate her own compulsive behaviors; a school nurse who wanted information on what to tell teenagers when they arrived at her office after having a panic attack in the classroom; a teacher wondering how to help her students handle anxiety; a social worker who often saw children she suspected of having underlying anxieties along with behavioral issues; and a pregnant woman who sought help on how not to pass on her vulnerabilities to her yet-to-be-born baby.

Also in line was a young mother who expressed her gratitude for the new skills she had acquired that evening and was determined to put into practice. I learned so much in just two hours here, she said. I got some great ideas about how to make some simple changes in our home, so that anxiety never has to become a disorder. It can just be an emotion. You really should write this all in a book!

The people who came out that September evening, along with the hundreds of other participants in my previous talks and the many families I have worked with directly, provided much of the driving force for my finally sitting down and writing Growing Up Brave. The other huge encouragement came from the success stories of children I have helped or witnessed get better after learning basic skills, children and adolescents whose lives were opened up after receiving treatment.

I am the director of the Child and Adolescent Fear and Anxiety Treatment Program at the Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders at Boston University, one of a handful of highly respected specialty centers in the United States that focus solely on the treatment and study of anxiety. I have spent more than sixteen years treating children and teens for disorders that wreak havoc in their families, disrupt their lives at school, inhibit their ability to make friends, and put them at risk for substance abuse and depression.

Whats exciting right now is new research that has led to the development of specific techniques shown to be extremely successful in reducing or eliminating anxiety disorders within the very short time period of one to twelve sessions. Whats even more exciting is the discovery that parents are essential in countering and even in preventing childhood anxiety. This new knowledge offers mothers and fathers a special opportunity to immediately and positively encourage any child, at any age, toward confident, self-sufficient behavior, using effective techniques that anyone can implement anywhere and at any time.

My message is urgent for several reasons.

First, anxiety is the number one mental health disorder affecting Americans today. More than 18 million adults and perhaps as many as one in five children suffer from a diagnosable anxiety disorder, and many others struggle with lower levels of anxiety that nevertheless interfere with their daily lives. For children with consistently excessive fears or worries, there is much at risk. Unchecked anxiety can become debilitating for anyone, but in children it can interfere with critical social and academic development.

Second, in our culture of aggressive medical treatment plans, more children than ever are being prescribed psychotropic drugs to manage behavior. While these medications may be effective in reducing symptoms, they can also cause troubling side effects, and the rush to medicate is in most cases unnecessary.