Richard Lederer - Pun and Games. Jokes, Riddles, Daffynitions, Tairy Fales, Rhymes, and More Word Play for Kids

Fuzzy Wuzzy wasnt fuzzy, was he?

How do you know when its raining cats and dogs?

Heres a game riddled with pun ch lines. Guess the punch lines to these popular Silly Billy jokes. Youll find the answers to all questions in this book at the end of each chapter.

• 1. Why did Silly Billy throw the clock out the window?

  He wanted to see time ______.

• 2. Why did Silly Billy throw the butter out the window?

  He wanted to see butter ______.

• 3. Why did Silly Billy take a ladder to the ball park?

  He wanted to see the ______ play.

• 4. Why did Silly Billy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?

  He didnt want to wake up the ______ pills.

• 5. Why did Silly Billy jump off the Empire State Building?

  He wanted to make a ______ ______ on Broadway.

Now, without any clues, try to guess the answers to these elephant jokes:

• 6. Where do elephants store their clothes?
• 7. How do you make an elephant float?
• 8. What happens to a grape when an elephant steps on it?
• 9. How can you stop an elephant from charging?
• 10. Who are the two most famous elephant singers?

Here are fifteen posters and placards that have appeared around the world. They are all signs of our times, times in which we human beings love to fiddle with words and to laugh at the loony tunes that such fiddling produces:

At a tire store : Time to re-tire.

Over a display of batteries : Wanna start something?

In a music store window : Guitars for sale. Cheap. No strings attached.

In a pet store window : Merry Christmas and a Yappy New Year.

On a peanut stand : If our peanuts were any fresher, theyd be insulting.

In an ice cream and dairy store : You cant beat our milk shakes, but you can whip our cream and lick our ice-cream cones.

In a shoe store : Come in and have a fit.

In a real estate office : Get lots for little.

In a butcher shop window : Never a bum steer.

At a poultry farm : Better laid than ever.

On a southern street : No U-all turns.

Over a bargain basement counter : What you seize is what you get.

In a beauty parlor : Curl up and dye.

In a restaurant : Dont stand outside and be miserable. Come inside and be fed up.

In a delicatessen : Protect your bagels. Put lox on them.

Lighten up your garden. Plant ______.

Here are ten more real signs. Supply the missing words.

• 11. On a diaper service truck : Rock a ______ baby.
• 12. At a planetarium : Cast of thousands. Every one a ______.
• 13. On the wall of a dentists office : Always be true to your teeth, or they will be ______ to you.
• 14. Outside an opticians shop : ______ for sore eyes.
• 15. In the window of a watch repair shop : If it doesnt tick, ______ to us.
• 16. In a jewelry store : Theres no present like the ______.
• 17. In a billiard parlor window : Try our indoor ______.
• 18. At a tire store : We ______ you not.
• 19. In a garden shop : Lighten up your garden. Plant ______.
• 20. In a reducing salon : Only 24 ______ days till Christmas.

Make up some punny signs for a laundry, a restaurant, a candy store, or any other place of business.

2 Homographs at Play

To a bowler, a _________ is knocking
down all the pins.

A fter eating a meal at a restaurant, what did the duck say to the waiter?

Put it on my bill.

What did Samson die of?

Fallen arches.

What is six feet long, green, and has two tongues?

The Jolly Green Giants sneakers.

What is the favorite part of a road for a vampire?

The main artery.

Out on the ocean, a ship carrying red paint collided with another ship carrying blue paint. What happened to the crews?

They got marooned.