Craig Shaw Gardner - Malady Of Magicks

Wizards, like all mortals, need their rest. Casting spells, righting wrongs, and putting a little away for your old age can all be draining occupations. The true wizard must therefore always insist on a good nights sleep, and a few days respite between tasks. After some particularly grueling work, a couple of weeks in the country are not out of line. In the aftermath of truly major assignments, of course, nothing less than a seaside vacation will do. And what of those situations in which a wizards work affects the very world around him, perhaps the fabric of the cosmos itself? Well, be advised that prime accommodations in Vushta must be reserved at least two months in advance.

THE TEACHINGS OF EBENEZUM, Volume XXIII

It was all too much. I could barely support the pack upon my back. Its weight had surely increased four- fold. I leaned on my stout oak staff with such force that it bent each time I put my weight against it. I was sure it soon would snap. My feet barely lifted from the ground as I walked, and I stumbled over hidden rocks and roots as we made our slow way down what passed for a path. Sometime during our exhausted flight, we seemed to have wandered entirely away from the main highway and now found ourselves on a trail so overgrown that even the forest animals seemed to have given up on it.

As tired as I was, Ebenezum was more exhausted still. His head was bowed, his back was bent. His once wizardly strides had shortened to a very unwiz-ardly hobble.

When we had first departed Dame Sniggetts after the successful resolution of her chicken problem, all had seemed well with my master. The tiredness that had ensued after his first use of the remedial herbs seemed to have passed him by entirely on the second application. The wizard began to talk expansively about the possibility of a cure, especially after we obtained another quantity of the healing poultice.

But my master spoke prematurely. His second reaction to the drug came after we had been on the road two full days and was fully four times worse than his earlier reaction. His first response, after our battle with Tork, had been exhaustion. His response after our chicken incident made exhaustion seem like a highly active state.

Then, of course, there were our constant encounters with assassins. And did I mention the increasing incidence of earthquakes? At first I thought it was my balance going, following my muscles into the blanket of fatigue. But no, we were plagued by ever-increasing tremors, as if giants were stomping foothills into the earth. These left us shaken at the least, and often not standing at all.

Ebenezum stumbled forward, managing at last to stand reasonably still. He paused and turned to me, his eyes once so capable of wizardly rage and sorcer-ous persuasion now no more than red and tired.

Rest, was all he said.

I pointed to a likely group of stones on the far side of the path where we might sit for a while. We made our way over to them as best we could. I removed my pack with rather less grace than I would have liked. I decided not to look inside it just yet. I would discover what had broken at some later time.

Ebenezum didnt even notice the noise. He was too busy sitting down, which, like everything else just then, occupied a great amount of his time. He groaned and exhaled at the same instant, as if in the process of sitting he might release all his problems to the four winds.

We sat for a long moment in silence. My masters labored breathing softened over time. At last, he pushed back his cap to look at me.

I was afraid of this, he said. A second use of that potion has drained all the vitality from my body. Twould kill me to use it again. My master paused to regain his wind.

What are we to do? I asked before I realized that the wizard had again dozed where he sat.

I knew then it was up to me. Ebenezum was exhausted beyond all imagining. I must find someplace he could rest and recover.

Pardon? said a voice from across the road.

I looked up quickly. Two heavily cloaked figures stood a scant yard away.

Did I say something? I inquired.

Oh, no. One of the cloaked figures stepped forward. Only his hands were visible, but they waved about wildly as he spoke, as if they wished to escape the cloak that hid the rest of him.

I said pardon, he continued, for I wish to speak with you. You must excuse me, for I have not the social graces of conversation. For you see, I am but a poor hermit, and seldom speak at all.

The speaker pulled back his hood, revealing a round, bald head that shone in the afternoon sun.

Oh, I replied after I deciphered his conversation. And you wished to say something to me?

Most assuredly, yes. His hands darted about to indicate his chest. As I have stated, I am but a poor hermit and religious seeker, Heemat by name, pledged for twenty years never to utter a word. Yes, for twenty years these lips are sealed, never to groan in pain or laugh with joy. But that is of no consequence, for when I saw the two of you by the side of the road, I found twas time to break my vow.

Heemat continued to smile. I looked to my master, but the wizard snored lightly upon his rock. He had managed to sleep through all of this. It was only then that I realized how truly fatigued Ebenezum was.

Well, tired though I was in turn, someone would have to see this situation through. And I would do it in a way that would make my master proud. I stared at this bald, smiling fellow. Something about him struck me as peculiar. Now, I thought, how would Ebenezum handle this?

Indeed, I said, determined to seek this hermits true nature. You are a religious seeker?

Yes, Heemat replied, lifting his hands to the skies. I follow the lesser deity, Plaugg the Fairly Magnificent.

Indeed. I decided I would leave this particular point for the nonce. And are you sworn to silence for twenty years?

Well, yes, more or less. But as we walked down this road to see the two of you in such obvious need...

The hermits voice trailed away. Such obvious need? I coughed.

We were just resting.

Your companion looks like he might rest for the next dozen years.

I looked over at Ebenezum. He had managed, somehow, to curl up on top of his boulder. His snoring grew louder.

Just a short afternoon nap, I replied, trying to keep the anxiety out of my voice. How was I to wake the wizard up, short of kicking him?

Well, perhaps you need a place to stay until his nap is completed? Heemat waved to his left. Our hovel is just down the road a bit.

Thats it. Now I knew what was bothering me. I stroked my chin thoughtfully. Indeed, I remarked. You say you are a hermit, sir.

Thats correct.

Well. I coughed gently. Since when do hermits have traveling companions? I had to keep myself from smiling. What logic! My master would have been proud of me.

I see. Heemats hands retreated within his robes at the very hint of impropriety in his conduct. I believe custom is somewhat different here than wherever you come from. I can tell you are a traveler.

I was completely undone. In this country, hermits travel in pairs?

Come, come. Theres no reason to belabor the obvious. How come you to this place?

Well, we seem to have wandered off the main road somewhere back there, I admitted before I regained my composure. A second! Why does your companion not speak? Has he taken a vow of silence as well?

Snarks, here? Heemat laughed, the smile fully across his face again. No, no, hes never taken a vow in his life. He just doesnt like to talk. Isnt that right, Snarks?

The other figure nodded and said something from deep within his folds of cloak. It sounded like Mmrrpphh!

Somehow, all these explanations were doing nothing to reassure me. What did your friend say? I demanded.