Craig Shaw Gardner - A night in the Netherhells - (The third book in the Ebenezum series)

When there appears to be no hope; when all around you are screaming like lost souls, and every spell you try fails to work; when it appears that chaos and evil will at last triumph over goodthen, it is truly time for a vacation.

from the teachings of ebenezum, Volume XXXV

"Gardner has a fine sense of just when to deflate an apparent threat into slapstick."

Peter Heck, Newsday

"There are few fantasy writers possessing anything approaching genuine wit. Craig Shaw Gardner is one of them."

Marvin Kaye, author of The Amorous Umbrella

"The field needs more humorists of this caliber."

Robert Asprin, author of the MYTH series

Don't miss the first volumes of

THE EBENEZUM TRILOGY

by Craig Shaw Gardner:

A MALADY OF MAGICKS

A MULTITUDE OF MONSTERS

Ace Books by Craig Shaw Gardner

The Ebenezum Trilogy

A MALADY OF MAGICKS

A MULTITUDE OF MONSTERS

A NIGHT IN THE NETHERHELLS

A DIFFICULTY WITH DWARVES AN EXCESS OF ENCHANTMENTS A DISAGREEMENT WITH DEATH

(coming in February 1989)

Craig Shaw Gardner

ACE BOOKS, NEW YORK

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This book is an Ace original edition, and has never been previously published.

A NIGHT IN THE NETHERHELLS

An Ace Book/published by arrangement with the author

PRINTING HISTORY

Ace edition / June 1987

All rights reserved. Copyright 1987 by Craig Shaw Gardner.

Cover art by Walter Velez.

Contrary to rumor, working side by side with a group of fellow wizards is not the most unpleasant task in which a magician might participate. In fact, I can think of numerous other experiences, such as breaking both arms and legs while being pursued by a ravenous demon, which, under certain conditions, could conceivably be even worse.

from The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume XXII

Vushta was gone.

We stood on the rocky shore of the Inland Sea and stared at the spot where once the greatest city in all the world had reached its towers to touch the sky. How could an entire city simply vanish? I had looked forward all my short life to visiting Vushta, city of a thousand forbidden delights, where great knowledge and great temptation go hand in hand. How I had longed to see the great University of Wizards, and walk the whole length of the Grand Bazaar, and, just perhaps, skirt a corner of the Pleasure District, where, it is whispered, brave men had yielded to their baser drives and had never been seen again. But no, the university, the bazaar, even, yes, the Pleasure District, were beyond me now. Of all the cities in the world, why was Vushta the one to go?

The boatman had left the seven of us here, on the shore which once led to the city that was the goal of our quest. Each of us had had a reason to come on this perilous journey to come at last to Vushta, a place where we might realize our hopes and cure our ills. Now we were all silent, staring at the empty sky, waiting, perhaps, for the wind to tell us what to do.

"Doom," intoned Hendrek, the large warrior at my side. His great bronze breastplate, which housed a girth fully as wide as he was tall, glinted blindingly in the midday sun. All shade had gone with the city and the wind brought nothing but choking dust.

Hendrek nervously stroked the bag that held his weapon, the cursed warclub Headbasher, which no man could own, but only rent. His mood, I could tell, fit the rest of our small party. The wizard Ebenezum, once the greatest mage in all the Western Kingdoms, and the leader of our quest, stroked his long, white beard reflectively, the tattered remains of his once tasteful robes flapping in the unnatural breeze. The others in our party watched his grim countenancethe demon Snarks, Hubert the dragon and his beautiful companion, Alea, and Norei, the wondrous young witchall looked at my master, waiting for a decision, or a sneeze.

But the sorcerer breathed deeply, his malady unaffected. If magic had taken Vushta away, it had gone with the city.

The warrior Hendrek took a deep breath in turn. Once again his great voice reverberated across the wasteland.

"Doom!"

"I beg your pardon?" answered a voice from somewhere.

My master waved us All to silence. I held my breath, anxious to hear other words rise from the dust. But the mysterious voice said no more.

"Hendrek," my master said after a moment. "Repeat your curse."

The warrior did as the wizard instructed.

"Doom!"

"Oh!" called the mysterious speaker. "Doom! You see, I thought you were saying 'dune'! Well, there certainly are a lot of them around now, nothing but sand. You'd hardly believe there was a city here only the other day. Still, I didn't know if I wanted to start a conversation with someone who pointed at piles of sand and said 'dune'! But 'doom'? Well, that's another matter. Doom implies angst. I'll always talk to somebody about angst!"

The demon Snarks muttered darkly from deep within his robes. The stranger's monologue had returned the rest of us to shocked silence.

"There!" Ebenezum pointed. From out of the dust before us a figure emerged, clad all in robes as red as blood.

Hendrek pulled his enchanted weapon from his sack. Ebenezum rapidly retreated and held his nose.

"Doom!" Hendrek repeated.

"Yes, isn't it?" the approaching man replied. "Or at least it was the doom of Vushta. I assume that's what you folks came for, to visit Vushta. It's a pity you weren't informed that it was no longer here. But then again, none of us were informed that it was going. One minute there it was, just over the hill, and the next..." The newcomer waved a bony hand.

Ebenezum gestured at Hendrek to rebag his club. The wizard stepped forward as the warrior complied.

"Indeed," Ebenezum said. "Have we not met before?"

The newcomer paused a few paces before us. He was a gaunt man, well on in years, his weathered skin pressed tight against skull and finger bones. His whole bodyface, hands, and clotheswas covered by a fine layer of dust, which made him appear more ancient still.