Anderson - AVOIDING THE GREENER GRASS SYNDROME: how to grow affair-proof hedges around your marriage

This groundbreaking book is a compelling chronicle of Nancy Andersons journey to the other side of the marital fenceand her return as a prodigal wife who found forgiveness and restoration. It also offers encouraging suggestions, real-life examples, and practical guidance for couples who want to predict, prevent, or pardon infidelity. Counselors and couples alike will benefit from the honest insights of a couple that has been there.

R ICK W ARRENS M INISTRY T OOLBOX

With lively wit and well-tested wisdom, Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome unforgettably illustrates that a good, lasting marriage takes a lot of care and protection. Having known Nancy and her husband, Ron, for over fifteen years, I have witnessed their authenticity firsthand. Their story of Gods restoration and the important lessons they share in this book will help you build a strong and joyful marriage.

J OEL W INGO , director of Calvary Chapel Bible College, Costa Mesa

A powerful, timeless story of Gods covenant love and redeeming grace. Highly recommended reading for any husband or wife, and for parents with married children.

N ANCY D E M OSS W OLGEMUTH , author, teacher, and host of Revive Our Hearts

Praise for the First Edition

This is an excellent book for all marriages. If you are struggling, it will give you solid steps to freedom, and if you have a good relationship, it will give you creative ways to make it great. Nancy is the perfect voice for todays readers. She is smart and funny, candid and caring, delivering an established biblical message in a contemporary packageI highly recommend this book.

B OBBY V ALENTINE , former executive producer for Focus on the Family

Nancy Anderson does a terrific job telling her compelling U-turn story of rebellion, repentance, and restoration. In the second part of the book, she gives helpful suggestions and candidly funny examples that demonstrate how to create a healthy and satisfying green-grass marriage. She has a delightful way of teaching without preaching. A must-read for every Christian couple!

A LLISON B OTTKE , author of Setting Boundaries for Women

Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome is practical, heartfelt, humorous, and motivating. Counselors and couples alike will greatly benefit from the honest insights of a couple who have been there. If you want to grow a fulfilling, loving, lasting marriage, then read this book and buy several for those you love. Its right on target with a purposeful message.

M ARCUS B ACHMANN , PhD, clinical family and marriage therapist and president of Counseling Care

My husband and I have known Nancy and her wonderful parents for thirty years, so its not surprising that Nancy has written such a wise and insightful book on marriage. She tells her dramatic story in a way that pierces the soul and provides hope for all marriages.

M ICHELE B ACHMANN , former congresswoman

Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome is by turns honest, humorous, moving, insightful, and practical. Nancy Anderson does a masterful job at telling her story without going into sordid details, yet remaining vulnerable enough to inspire and encourage struggling couples. I highly recommend this book!

D ENA D YER , coauthor of Love at First Fight

Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair-Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage

2004, 2017 by Nancy C. Anderson

Second edition 2017

Published by Kregel Publications, a division of Kregel, Inc., 2450 Oak Industrial Dr. NE, Grand Rapids, MI 49505.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwisewithout written permission of the publisher, except for brief quotations in reviews.

Distribution of digital editions of this book in any format via the Internet or any other means without the publishers written permission or by license agreement is a violation of copyright law and is subject to substantial fines and penalties. Thank you for supporting the authors rights by purchasing only authorized editions.

The author and publisher are not engaged in rendering medical or psychological services, and this book is not intended as a guide to diagnose or treat medical or psychological problems. If medical, psychological, or other expert assistance is required, the reader should seek the services of a health-care provider or certified counselor.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the King James Version.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com

Scripture quotations marked NLT are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked TLB are from The Living Bible. Copyright 1971 by Tyndale House Publishers, Wheaton, Illinois. Used by permission.

In , some anecdotes and stories have been changed or fictionalized to protect the identities of the persons involved.

ISBN 978-0-8254-4496-8

Printed in the United States of America
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To my husband,
who loved me when I was unlovable.

To my parents,
who taught me when I was unteachable.

To my Savior,
who reached me when I was unreachable.

To God be the glory, for the things He has done!

Andrae Crouch

T his book was birthed with many midwives:

my husband, Ron, who is brave, steadfast, and cute;

my parents, Richard and Marion Alf, who were practically perfect in every way;

our son, Nick, who still calls me Princess;

my best friend, Tonya Ruiz, who is Lucy to my Ethel, and her husband, Ron, who thinks were amusing;

my pastor, Bill Welsh, and his wife, Joy, who are a great example of a godly couple who make their marriage a priority;

my proofreaders, Tonya and Lynda, who must have wondered if I typed this book with my feet;

my friends at Kregel Publications, Dave Hill, Dennis Hillman, Jim Kregel, Steve Barclift, Sarah De Mey, Janyre Tromp, and Joel Armstrong, who are warm, gracious, and encouraging.

H ello, my name is Nancy, and I was a cheater. Ive never cheated on a tax return or a final exam, but I did cheat on my husband. Thats why Im an expert on infidelitybecause Ive lived it.

The greener grass syndrome has seduced many people into believing theyll find true joy and fulfillment on the other side of the marital fence. I believed that lie.

Ron was twenty-six and I was twenty-two when we got married in 1978. Both of us thought that it was the other persons job to make me happy! We soon found out that was impossible.

I complained and criticized my way through our first year, and then Ron retaliated with the Im a bad husband because youre a bad wife defense. He was controlling, demanding, and impatient. We both looked for ways to punish each other, and our anger and resentment grew until they overshadowed our love.