Haines - Coming clean: a story of faith

This is not simply a book for alcoholics; its a book for anyone who has dealt with pain and been left scrabbling after God. Raw, sobering, miraculously ordinary, hopeful, beautiful, and yet terrifying.

SARAH BESSEY, author of Out of Sorts

Weve all got our vices, but without them, how would we cope? Along comes Haines, with a luminous pen, an uncommon authenticity, and a palpable hope for anyone whos tired of numbing the pain.

JENNIFER DUKES LEE, author of Love Idol

Haines honesty is refreshing, his faith is challenging, his hope is encouraging, his love is passionate, and his portrait of Gods grace is amazing.

GLENN R. KREIDER, Dallas Theological Seminary

Within these pages I not only became engrossed in the beauty and pain of Haines journey, but I also found bits of my own humanity. One of the best books about faith Ive read this year.

MATTHEW PAUL TURNER, author of Churched

I honestly dont know how to put into words how this book has opened my eyes, healed me, pushed me, and brought me peace. But it has done all those things, and I will never be the same.

ANNIE F. DOWNS, author of Lets All Be Brave

Haines commands language and style so deftly the work reads like the highest literary fiction. Approachable and witty, this is a sobering reflection, no matter your addiction.

PRESTON YANCEY, Anglican Diocese of the Western Gulf Coast

A profoundly courageous work that provides a major dose of hope and guidance, whether or not you struggle with the more conventional addictions. You will be encouraged and inspired.

REV. MIHEE KIM-KORT, author of Making Paper Cranes

With honest pain and discovery dappled with poetry, Haines prophesies to us of what it means to find the peace of God and the forgiveness of Christ. Read these words; you will never be the same.

ZACH J. HOAG, author, preacher, and blogger

Haines had me imagining what the world could look like if we all were widening our wounds, bleeding together, rejoicing in the astounding, transformative work of suffering, and coming clean as a global community.

ERIKA MORRISON, author of Bandersnatch

If honesty were an ocean, Haines boldly goes to the depths. Hopefully, this book will not only teach us to swim; it will teach us to start diving.

A. J. SWOBODA, PhD, pastor, author, professor

Coming Clean is a gift of redemptive lyric, growing out of sober reflection that quietly compels the reader to honestly process their own faith journey.

THOMAS ADDINGTON, PhD, cofounder and CEO, Givingtons

Raw and soothing by turns, this memoir is a fine creation, one that provides a plumb line for anyone who has walked away from the simple center of faith.

JAMIE A. HUGHES, award-winning editor and writer

Haines honest words invite us all to come clean before a God who is comfortable in the mess. This is a book of uncommon depth and beauty.

JAMIN GOGGIN, author of Beloved Dust

This is a book about about coming clean, yes, but also about faith and pain and how we try to medicate our fear that nobody is listening when we pray. Haines honest words give me hope.

MICAH J. MURRAY, blogger at micahjmurray.com

Haines forces us to look at the realities of our own pain, but shows us the way of healing by directing us to the goodness of God. Ive waited my whole life for this book.

NISH WEISETH, author of Speak

ZONDERVAN

Coming Clean

Copyright 2015 by Seth Haines

Requests for information should be addressed to:

Zondervan, 3900 Sparks Dr. SE, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49546

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Haines, Seth.

Coming clean : a story of faith / Seth Haines.

pages cm

ISBN 978-0-310-34364-6 (softcover) ISBN 978-0-310-34365-3 (ebook)

1. Haines, Seth. 2. Alcoholics Religious life. 3. Alcoholism Religious aspects Christianity. I. Title.

BV4596.A48H35 2015

248.8'6292092 dc23 [B]

2015023669

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked ESV are from the ESV Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version). Copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are from the New American Standard Bible. Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

i thank You God for most this amazing. Copyright 1950, 1978, 1991 by the Trustees for the E. E. Cummings Trust. Copyright 1979 by George James Firmage, from COMPLETE POEMS: 19041962 by E. E. Cummings, edited by George J. Firmage. Used by permission of Liveright Publishing Corporation.

Any Internet addresses (websites, blogs, etc.) and telephone numbers in this book are offered as a resource. They are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement by Zondervan, nor does Zondervan vouch for the content of these sites and numbers for the life of this book.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Published in association with William K. Jensen Literary Agency, 119 Bampton Court, Eugene, Oregon 97404.

Cover design: Dual Identity

Cover photography: Picsfive/Shutterstock

Interior design: Kait Lamphere

First printing August 2015

To Amber: you are every reason.

To my sons: this fire alarm is for you. Break glass and pull in case of emergency.

To my grandchildren: see the above instructions to your fathers.

To inner sobriety: you have taught me to hear the Spirit.

To the Spirit: you have led me in the paths of inner sobriety; you are the Muse.

CONTENTS

by Shauna Niequist

This is a book about alcohol; you can practically smell the gin coming off the pages, the lime, hear the ice clinking, the crack of the new bottle opening. But its not a book about alcohol. Its about whatever thing you use to cover over the painsex, food, shopping, perfectionism, cleaning, drugswhatever you hold out like an armor to protect yourself instead of allowing yourself and your broken heart to be fully seen and fully tended to by God.

For me, the armor is motion. Activity. Busyness. More, more, more. Faster, faster, faster. If I can keep going fast enough, I can, for a little while at least, outrun the fear and the anxiety and the pain. And so I go and go and go, working and writing and grocery shopping, cooking and reading and folding laundry. Silence is my enemy.

But Im learning to walk into the arms of that enemy. And to my great surprise, Im finding a friend there, not an enemy at all. Im finding a healerthe Healer. The Good Physician, the Great Friend. And when I walk toward him, I can lay down my addictions for a while. I can lay down my frantic running. I can rest, and that feeling is utterly transformational.

We all have those armors. Some weve chosen; some have been handed down through the generations. About my propensity toward constant motion, my husband reminds me lovingly that I come by it honestly. Im my fathers daughter in a thousand ways, many of them good. And also this one: were both bent on outrunning things. Were both good at it.