Marshall - Walk it off: the true and hilarious story of how I learned to stand, walk, pee, run, and even have sex again after a nightmarish diagnosis turned my perfectly awesome life upside down: a memoir

A page-turning and inspiring journey of recovery... Hilarious and hopeful.

L ISA G ENOVA , bestselling author of Still Alice

I cant remember the last time Ive liked a character in a book so muchonly this one is real.... Ruth Marshalls story is filled with heart and courage and heaping spoonfuls of humor .

G LENN D IXON , #1 bestselling author of Juliets Answer

Funny, heartfelt, and well written... Profound and witty . I could not put it down.

K ARMA B ROWN , bestselling author of Come Away with Me

A moving and hilarious portrayal of what happens when our bodies get the best of us and life is turned upside down... Wry and honest and wickedly funny , Walk It Off is a wonderful debut memoir from a writer to watch .

A MY S TUART , bestselling author of Still Mine

A hilarious account of the kind of thing we all pray doesnt happen to us... An epic journey of recovery that is equally scary and funny.

M ICHAEL R EDHILL , two-time Scotiabank Giller Prize nominee

Ruth Marshall writes with unblinking honesty and intimate charm about the challenges and triumphs of medical calamity. The pages practically turn themselves .

T EVA H ARRISON , award-winning author of In-Between Days

So funny, so achingly poignant ... Ruths story is riveting , her warmth and honesty irresistible.

J AMES C HATTO , author of The Greek for Love

Revelatory, human, gutting, and funny ... Taking a simple step will never feel the same. One of those books you cant put down and you will insist that everyone you love has to read. Ruth is us, at our worst and most brave.

D IANE F LACKS , actor, author of Bear with Me

Simon & Schuster Canada

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Copyright 2018 by Ruth Marshall

Some names and identifying details in Walk It Off have been changed.

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address Simon & Schuster Canada Subsidiary Rights Department, 166 King Street East, Suite 300, Toronto, Ontario, M5A 1J3.

This Simon & Schuster Canada edition January 2018

SIMON & SCHUSTER CANADA and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-800-268-3216 or .

Interior design by Carly Loman

Jacket Design by Elizabeth Whitehead

Author Photo by Maria Ricossa

Jacket Photographs Getty Images

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Marshall, Ruth, author

Walk it off : the true and hilarious story of how I learned to stand, walk, pee, run, and have sex again after a nightmarish diagnosis turned my awesome life upside down / Ruth Marshall.

Issued in print and electronic formats.

ISBN 978-1-5011-7362-2 (hardcover).ISBN 978-1-5011-7368-4 (ebook)

1. Marshall, RuthHealth. 2. Marshall, Ruth. 3. MeningiomaPatientsCanadaBiography. 4. BrainTumorsPatientsCanadaBiography. 5. MeningiomaPopular works. 6. ActressesCanadaBiography. I. Title.

RC280.M4M37 2018 362.196820092 C2017-904177-0

C2017-904178-9

ISBN 978-1-5011-7362-2

ISBN 978-1-5011-7368-4 (ebook)

For Rich

And for our boys, Joey and Henry

M ARCH 2012, 4:30 A.M.

I watched as my parents pulled into the driveway right on schedulefifteen minutes early. I moved down the stairs as quickly as my confused feet would allow, trying to beat my dad to the house before he knocked and woke up Rich and the kids, but I was not quick enough. He rapped on the door as if it were mid-afternoon; a nice confident knuckling. I opened the door.

Ill just be a sec, Dad. Everyones asleep. Ill meet you in the car. I closed the door.

My fathers smile was too wide, his eyes crinkled unnaturally, his stance was uncertain.

I was in the clothes I had laid out the night before: black sweat pants, black T-shirt, black hoodie, black trench. Christ , I thought as I looked in the mirror, Im a vampire . I was even wearing a black bra. Most mornings when I am hooking my bra into place, Rich, my husband of sixteen years, perks up. Whoa! hell say, as if seeing my boobs for the first time instead of the ten thousandth. But on that morning, his response was more sober.

I doubt youll be able to keep your bra on during the MRI, he said.

I gave him a look. Decorum, plus the size of my breasts, dictates that I wear a bra, in every situation, always.

Rich wanted to take me to the hospital, but I didnt want to leave the boys alone at such an early hour of the morning, even though, at eleven and fourteen, Im sure they would have been fine. Besides, I told him, my parents need something constructive to do with their concern. I knew my mom and dad had been secretly talking to everyone about me, consulting the Internet, matching up every theory they had with what Google had to say, commiserating with their friends, taking stock of their own bodies failings to see if anything I had lined up with anything they had. It was almost laughable how one innocuous observation had snowballed to this moment.

Why do you keep staring at your shoes? the soprano beside me had asked just a few weeks earlier.

Every Thursday night, a bunch of middle-aged Jews gathered to sing in the sanctuary of our local synagogue. Somewhere between the beginning of practice and coffee cake break, I became aware of my feet. Theyre asleep, I said. I feel like theyve been asleep for a few days now.

You should see my doctor, she said, without hesitation. Actually, hes a chiropractor, but hes also magical.

I took down his name.

The next morning, I woke up, but my feet didnt.

Theyre still tingling, I said to Rich before the alarm went off. He wasnt technically awake yet. I kicked him a little.

Mmmm, he said.

Weird, right?

Mmmm.

But not that weird.

Mmmm.

Oh, forget it.

Mm-hmm.

The following week I told my mother about the weird feeling, and the week after that I interrupted the arm-buffing part of my personal training session to tell my trainer.

You should have an MRI, she said, reacting swiftly to my tone, which caused me to react swiftly to hers.

Do you think its MS?

My trainer sat back on her heels and studied me. I think your feet shouldnt be tingling.

I saw my GP, Dr. Bright, the next day. Remembering her weakness for pretty shoes, I was quick to comment on the new cherry-red ones she was wearing. She looked both flush and fresh, as if maybe she had just had sex with her boyfriend in the patient file room moments before our appointment. I had never noticed all the posters on her office wall. I commented on each one. I asked about her daughter, and her daughters boyfriend, and her daughters job prospects, and her daughters boyfriends job prospects, and if she thought the weather felt uncharacteristically dry for spring.

Eventually, Dr. Bright cut in. Whats up, Ruth? I usually see you only for strep throat.

Oh, its nothing. Its nothing. Its stupid actually.

Okay... Dr. Bright said, waiting.

Well, my feet have been feeling tingly and numb for the past, oh, few weeks now, and I looked up some stuff on the Internet and I know Im too old to have MSnice to be too old in some cases I guesshaha! So I know thats not the problem but it does seem a little weird so I thought maybe you could poke me or something and also, just a side thought, I wondered if maybe I should have an MRI to rule out the possibility of MSnot that anyone even suggested that to me but anyway is your hair different?