Sandler - Mustard

Mustard Also by Kat Sandler Bang Bang Punch Up Mustard Kat Sandler Playwrights Canada Press Toronto Mustard Copyright 2018 by Kat Sandler First edition: November 2018 Cover design by Leah Renihan Author photo Joseph Michael Photography Playwrights Canada Press 202-269 Richmond St. W., Toronto, ON M5V 1X1 416.703.0013 :: No part of this book may be reproduced, downloaded, or used in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, except for excerpts in a review or by a licence from Access Copyright, www.accesscopyright.ca. For professional or amateur production rights, please contact: Emma Laird at the GGA The Esplanade, Suite , Toronto, ON MA J .. 0299 , http://ggagency.ca/apply-for-performance-rights/ Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication Sandler, Kat, author Mustard / Kat Sandler. A play. Issued in print and electronic formats.

ISBN -- 77091 -- (softcover).--ISBN -- 77091 -- (PDF). --ISBN -- 77091 -- (EPUB).--ISBN -- 77091 -- (Kindle) I. Title. PS 8637 .A 5455 M 2018 C. C 2018 - 9053 C 2018 - 905302 -X Playwrights Canada Press acknowledges that we operate on land which, for thousands of years, has been the traditional territories of the Mississaugas of the New Credit, Huron-Wendat, Anishinaabe, Mtis and Haudenosaunee peoples. Today, this meeting place is home to many Indigenous peoples from across Turtle Island and we are grateful to have the opportunity to work and play here.

We acknowledge the financial support of the Canada Council for the Arts which last year invested $ million to bring the arts to Canadians throughout the country the Ontario Arts Council (OAC), the Ontario Media Development Corporation and the Government of Canada for our publishing activities. For Mom and Dad for helping me believe in magic. For Tom for always helping me get there. And for Bozo and Unicorn: wherever you are, I sincerely hope you get a kick out of this. Authors Note I had two imaginary friends growing up. One was, simply, Unicorn.

Our relationship had two distinguishing features: we loved swinging on swings and I called on Unicorn when I needed to feel brave. Sometimes I still do. The other was Bozo. Bozo was an elf from the North Pole. He was a fantastic and hilarious character created by my dad by pushing his tongue against his lower lip, thus giving himself a silly voice. He would chat with me like that for a long time, on any number of ridiculous subjects.

I dont know why he was Christmas-based (my dad is Jewish... ) but, suffice it to say, I got a big kick out of hanging with Bozo, because he could really talk to me. When I was around six, my father took me on a canoeing trip, during which I bashed my knee on a rock. There was a ton of blood and I cried and cried, but when Dad rushed over to help, I batted him away. I didnt want him; I wanted Bozo. Inexplicably, Bozo disappeared after that.

He was gone for years, so long I almost forgot about him. He eventually made a few appearances in my teens, at dinner parties or as a joke, but it wasnt the same. I wasnt all that interested in the North Pole and a silly voice anymore. I always wondered where Bozo went for those in-between years. And then I started wondering about what happens to these childhood pals, these creations of our boundless young imaginations, these morale boosters and co-conspirators, when they go away because we think we dont need them anymore, or someone says its time to grow up. and loves them unconditionally. and loves them unconditionally.

A Boon lives with their Person until they are no longer needed (usually until their Person grows up), then retires to the Boonswallows, a terrible place where they live out a dark eternity. Mustard is a comic-tragic play. It is silly at times, but its also about a lot of very serious and scary things, including divorce, alcoholism, suicide, mental health, teen pregnancy and growing up, which can be violent, tragic, funny and magical all at once. Thats how this play should feel. For all the poo and fart jokes, Mustard is, at its core, a play about love; were watching real people deal with real problems with real stakes, trying to find ways to love and be loved, and some of those people just happen to be magical. So ultimately a production of this play should try to find a balance somewhere between quick-moving farcical romp, dark fairy tale and modern family drama.

Easy peasy, right? Nope, not at all, but heres some potentially useful info! Sadie and Thai are trying to find a way to adjust to their new reality. Sadie is a desperately sad woman tackling life as a single mom, whose lovelorn depression has become so crippling shes considering suicide. Thai is dealing with all the stress of teenagedom, a newfound inexplicable violent streak and a massive secret shes hidden from everyone around her, and trying to navigate what all that means for her relationship with her older boyfriend. Their scenes should never feel like an after-school special, but should be a snapshot of two women at different stages struggling with the knowledge that life as they knew it is changing forever, and who eventually find strength in their relationship with each other. Bug and Leslie are former Boons, sent to retrieve Mustard both for outstaying his welcome and appearing to a non-Person. Although they cant physically remove him from our world, they can and do use violence to try to scare him off.

They once had Persons themselves, so they do understand what they are asking of Mustard, but as he proves to be a hard nut to crack, they become more frustrated and menacing with each scene they appear in until they are forced to use the most difficult and vicious weapon of all: reason. Bug and Leslie absolutely reference buddy thugs from the movies, but theyre not just a comic-relief duo they are rule enforcers and should be truly terrifying at times. They can be nightmarish but shouldnt be cartoonish; they should feel a little bit otherworldly, but not like theyre in a completely different play. They take their job very seriously, and should exhibit a deep and beautiful camaraderie that suggests many years of working together doing a difficult and thankless task that they find a way to enjoy because... what else can they do? For the record, in our original production, Leslie was the Brit, but either can be British, or neither can, but not both; Bug can sound like hes from Brooklyn, have any accent that works with his text or just be a bit lazy with his words. Either could also be a woman.

Mustard himself is ridiculous, but never ludicrous. He is naive and has a childish energy, but hes not a child (this is not TYA), or a character in a zany sitcom; he is, as Thai imagines him, a grown man with immature, sometimes crass tendencies that mirrored her own as she grew up, and he is her best friend. As far as Mustard knows, he is as real and wise as any of us; he just lives under the bed and doesnt know all the ins and outs of our language or culture, but hes trying to learn, while finding the fun in our world that the rest of us grown-ups might miss. He literally lives for Thai, and his unconditional love for her, coupled with his honest desire to help Sadie, should make him real for us too. Please have so much fun creating and playing in this world. And use real Pop Rocks, if you can.

They really do sound magical. Notes On Punctuation / Pronunciation / Conversations Around Mustard A forward slash ( / ) marks the point in a characters line where the next character begins speaking. An asterisk ( * ) at the end of a line is the cue for a character to speak who has an asterisk at the beginning of their line, even though on the page a line or more of dialogue may separate the first characters lines from the response of the second. When a line appears in small caps , it doesnt necessarily mean that it should be yelled, but just given a certain intensity. Words like