Kellerman - When the Bough Breaks

It was shaping up as a beautiful morning. The last thing I wanted to hear about was murder.

A cool Pacific current had swept its way across the coastline for two days running, propelling the pollution to Pasadena. My house is nestled in the foothills just north of Bel Air, situated atop an old bridle path that snakes its way around Beverly Glen, where opulence gives way to self - conscious funk. It's a neighborhood of Porsches and coyotes, bad sewers and sequestered streams.

The place itself is eighteen hundred square feet of silvered redwood, weathered shingles and tinted glass. In the suburbs it might be a shack; up here in the hills it's a rural retreat - nothing fancy, but lots of terraces, decks, pleasing angles and visual surprises. The house had been designed by and for a Hungarian artist who went broke trying to peddle oversized poly chromatic triangles to the galleries on La Cienega. Art's loss had been my gain by way of L.A. probate court. On a good day - like today - the place came with an ocean view, a cerulean patch that peeked timidly above the Palisades.

I had slept alone with the windows open - burglars and neoMansonites be damned - and awoke at ten, naked, covers thrown to the floor in the midst of some forgotten dream. Feeling lazy and sated, I propped myself on my elbows, drew up the covers and stared at the caramel layers of sunlight streaming through French doors. What finally got me up was the invasion of a housefly who alternated between searching my sheets for carrion and dive - bombing my head.

I shuffled to the bathroom and began filling a tub, then made my way to the kitchen to scavenge, taking the fly with me. I put up coffee, and the fly and I shared an onion bagel. Ten - twenty on a Monday morning with nowhere to go and nothing to do. Oh, blessed decadence.

It had been almost half a year since my premature retirement and I was still amazed at how easy it was to make the transition from compulsive overachiever to self - indulgent bum. Obviously I'd had it in me from the beginning.

I returned to the bathroom, sat on the rim of the tub munching and drew up a vague plan for the day: a leisurely soak, a cursory scan of the morning paper, perhaps a jog down the canyon and back, a shower, a visit to The doorbell jarred me out of my reverie.

I tied a towel around my waist and walked to the front entry in time to see Milo let himself in.

"It was unlocked," he said, closing the door hard and tossing the Times on the sofa. He stared at me and I drew the towel tighter.

"Good morning, nature boy."

I motioned him in.

"You really should lock the door, my friend. I've got files at the station that illustrate nicely what happens to people who don't."

"Good morning, Milo."

I padded into the kitchen and poured two cups of coffee. Milo followed me like a lumbering shadow, opened the refrigerator and took out a plate of cold pizza that I had no recollection of ever owning. He tailed me back to the living room, collapsed on my old leather sofa - an artifact of the abandoned office on Wilshire - balanced the plate on his thigh and stretched out his legs.

I turned off the bathwater and settled opposite him on a camels king ottoman.

Milo is a big man - six - two, two - twenty - with a big man's way of going loose and dangly when he gets off his feet. This morning he looked like an oversized rag doll slumped against the cushions - a doll with a broad, pleasant face, almost boyish except for the acne pits that peppered the skin, and the tired eyes. The eyes were startlingly green and rimmed with red, topped by shaggy dark brows and a Kennedyesque shock of thick black hair. His nose was large and high - bridged, his lips full, childishly soft. Sideburns five years out of date trailed down the scarred cheeks.

As usual he wore ersatz Brooks Brothers: olive green gabardine suit, yellow button - down, mint and gold rep stripe tie, oxblood wing tips. The total effect was as preppy as W. C. Fields in red skivvies.

He ignored me and concentrated on the pizza.

"So glad you could make it for breakfast."

When his plate was empty he asked, "So, how are you doing, pal?"

"I was doing great. What can I do for you, Milo?"

"Who says I want you to do anything?" He brushed crumbs from his lap to the rug. "Maybe this is a social call."

"You waltzing in, unannounced, with that bloodhound look all over your face isn't a social call."

"Such intuitive powers." He ran his hands over his face, as if washing without water. "I need a favor," he said.

"Take the car. I won't be needing it until late afternoon. "

"No, it's not that this time. I need your professional services."

That gave me pause.

"You're out of my age range," I said. "Besides, I'm out of the profession."

"I'm not kidding, Alex. I've got one of your colleagues lying on a slab at the morgue. Fellow by the name of Morton Handler."

I knew the name, not the face.

"Handler's a psychiatrist."

"Psychiatrist, psychologist. Minor semantic distinction at this point. What he is, is dead. Throat slashed, a little bit of evisceration tossed in. Along with a lady friend - same treatment for her but worse - sexual mutilation, nose sliced off. The place where it happened - his place - was an abattoir."

Abattoir. Milo's master's degree in American Lit asserting itself.

I put down my coffee cup.

"Okay, Milo. I've lost my appetite. Now tell me what all of that has to do with me."

He went on as if he hadn't heard me.

"I got called on it at five a.m. I've been knee - deep in blood and crud since then. It stunk in there - people smell bad when they die. I'm not talking decay, this is the stench that sets in before decay. I thought I was used to it. Every so often I catch another whiff and it gets me right here." He poked himself in the belly. "Five in the morning. I left an irritated lover in bed. My head feels ready to implode. Gobs of flesh at five in the morning. Jesus."

He stood and looked out the window, gazing out over the tops of pines and eucalyptus. From where I sat

I could see smoke rising in indolent swirls from a distant fireplace.

"It's really nice up here, Alex. Does it ever bore you, being in paradise with nothing to do?"

"Not a hint of ennui."

"Yeah. I guess not. You don't want to hear any more about Handler and the girl."

"Stop playing passive - aggressive, Milo, and spit it out."

He turned and looked down at me. The big, ugly face showed new signs of fatigue.

"I'm depressed, Alex." He held out his empty cup like some overgrown, slack - jawed Oliver Twist. "Which is why I'll tolerate more of this disgusting swill."

I took the cup and got him a refill. He gulped it audibly.

"We've got a possible witness. A kid who lives in the same building. She's pretty confused, not sure what she saw. I took one look at her and thought of you. You could talk to her, maybe try a little hypnosis to enhance her memory."