Richard Osman - Richard Osmans House of Games: 1,054 Questions to Test Your Wits, Wisdom and Imagination

You need: your House of Games Spoiler Blocker

Players: any number

Scoring: 2 points for every correct answer

AC: Now, this is an exciting start to a book. Its the questions from the first-ever time we played Answer Smash in the office. See how many you can get

RO: theres an and also coming, I can feel it

AC: and also which of the Smashes we wouldnt allow nowadays on House of Games.

Below are some pictures of herbs and spices, each accompanied by a question. You have to give the answer which smashes both halves together.

	1. Which Microsoft program was launched in 1995 and has a blue e for its icon?
	2. American state containing Chicago
	3. Music-hall song adopted by West Ham fans
	4. Its original title was The Landlords Game
	5. Winners include Phil Tufnell and Carl Foggy Fogarty
	6. One-thousandth of a gigabyte

RO: Go on then, lets get this over with. Which would we not be allowed to use on the show?

AC: Vanillinois, Star Anise Up and Thyme a Celebrity. This was from the wild, chaotic days before we established the rule that the overlapping parts have to be spelled the same.

RO: I hadnt noticed. And when I do Answer Smashes for events, like the World Snooker backstage party, I dont follow that rule. In fact, Im not sure Ive even followed it in this book.

AC: I had noticed.

Answers: 1 Minternet Explorer 2 Vanillinois 3 Star Anise Up Mother Brown 4 Cinnamonopoly 5 Thyme a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! 6 Nutmegabyte

You need: pencil and paper; a phone, or someone whos good with numbers

Players: 4, 6, 8, 10 basically, an even number thats 4 or more

Scoring: 2 points for every win

RO: You know how Distinctly Average works. You team up with a partner. We ask a question that you couldnt possibly know the actual answer to, but to which you might be able to make an educated guess. You write down your answer, which you are fairly confident about.

Your partner also writes down their answer, which is usually terrible. You then take the average score as your teams answer. Its really, really, really, really, really, really important to pick a good partner in this round. Your mums friend from work who popped over for drinks, and now wont leave, is just not going to cut it. Try Auntie Julia, shes clever.

AC: This is something that Clara Amfo learned when Nish Kumar overestimated the average cost of Christmas for a household (the answer is 809.97; Nish went for 10,000, later remarking that Hindu Christmases are really extravagant).

RO: Anyway, Ive come up with ten Christmassy questions. Take your time, really think things through, and then panic and write down something plainly ridiculous.

1. According to US scientists, how many miles per hour does Santa have to travel, if he is to deliver to all the relevant homes in the world in one day?
2. A New York family holds the world record for the most ever Christmas lights on a residential property. How many lights did they have?
3. The first ever commercially sold Christmas cards appeared in 1843. One sold at auction in 2014. For how much?
4. How many rolls of Sellotape were sold in the UK in December 2018?
5. If you add up all of the presents my true love sent to me in the song The Twelve Days of Christmas, how many presents would you have in total?
6. Christmas is all about Jesus or Santa, depending on your preference. What is the distance in miles from the North Pole to Bethlehem?
7. As recorded on the BBC News site in 2018, what is the population of Turkey?
8. And whats the population of Brussels?
9. How many Christmas trees did Brits buy in 2018?
10. According to the Met Office, how many times has a snowflake fallen somewhere in the UK on Christmas Day in the last 54 years?

Answers: 1. 2,340,000mph 2. 601,736 lights 3. 8,469 (excluding postage) 4. 6 million rolls 5. 364 gifts (its the 12th triangular number!) 6. 4,034 miles 7. 79.5 million Turks 8. 1.2 million Bruxellois 9. 8 million trees 10. 38

You need: your House of Games Spoiler Blocker

Players: any number; make 2 teams or just take it in turns to act out the titles

Scoring: 20 points for whoever has made the bravest choices and moves

Charades is a pleasant enough way of whiling away some time. But as anyone who has played it can tell you, theres one big problem. The books and songs that youre trying to mime to everyone else: well, theyre all real.

For one thing, this is boring. For another, all a player has to convey is film, four words, third word eyes and its obviously For Your Eyes Only. Way too easy, right?

This time, youll be playing charades the House of Games way. Block off the titles below. The first player will move the House of Games Spoiler Blocker to reveal the first title; the next player is either someone from the other team (if youre doing teams) or whoever got the answer first.

(younger players: if you dont know some of the names and words, just make up your own title instead)

1. Salad Wars (film)
2. The Forgetful Stegosaurus (book)
3. Ninety-Nine Press-Ups (song)
4. The Repugnant Australians (play)
5. Salad Wars II: The Caper Caper (film)
6. Im in the Red, So Im Singin the Blues (song)
7. Britains Wettest Pets (TV show)
8. Tulips from my Aunt (book)
9. Fifty-five Miles from Durham (song)
10. Salad Wars III: Lettuce Get Ready to Rumble (film)

You need: your House of Games Spoiler Blocker

Players: any number (and someone to check your guesses)

Scoring: see below

RO: One thing that House of Games guests especially enjoy is the avatar we make of their face for our game board.

AC: Yes! And it struck me that we could turn them into quiz.

RO: A lot of things strike you as having quiz potential, Alan. Remember that time an amp crushed the sound guys foot and you went to the Glasgow Royal Infirmary to cheer him up with an Answer Smash about the bones hed broken?

AC: Metatarsalisbury Cathedral, classic. But if were going to ask the readers to identify the avatars, Ive realised theres some we cant use.

RO: Because theyre based on hairdo, eyewear and facial hair, you mean, and some contestants, very stylishly, dont have any of those?