David Thorne - Deadlines Dont Care If Janet Doesnt Like Her Photo
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- Book:Deadlines Dont Care If Janet Doesnt Like Her Photo
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Copyright David Thorne 2021. All rights reserved.
Deadlines Dont Care if Janet Doesnt Like Her Photo
This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out, re-produced on the internet or otherwise circulated without the authors prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser. Activities and vehicle modifications appearing or described in this book may be potentially dangerous.
DWFC: 248D06
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From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 27 October 2021 10.04am
To: All Staff
Subject: Book Foreword
Good morning,
As most of you are aware, I usually take my annual leave around this time of year to write. My print deadline is November 16th.
In the past, my books have mostly been a collection of random stories and email correspondences. At the beginning of this year, however, I decided to save myself the stress of coming up with 200+ pages a week before the deadline by writing a page or two every day. As a result, the format of this years book reads more like a journal and contains a lot of work-related material.
Subsequently, staff names are mentioned throughout, but theres very little background regarding your roles within the agency.
As such, instead of including a foreword that nobody reads, I thought it may be helpful to the reader if everyone here provides a paragraph about how wonderful I am and what a privilege it is to work with me.
To help with your contribution, a couple of key points to consider are:
1. My ability to get along well with everyone.
2. My commitment to creating a healthy work environment.
3. My charm, great hair, and wit.
5. Otters.
If you could have this to me by the end of the week, it would be much appreciated.
This excludes Jason of course, as hes not mentioned in the book.
Thank you, David
........................................................................
From: Walter Bowers
Date: Wednesday 27 October 2021 10.17am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Book Foreword
Hello my name is Walter and I work with David and 4 years. David gets along well with everyone and he is committed to creating a healthy work envirmnment. He is charming and he has great hair and he writes funny books.
Is the book about otters? I like otters.
Walter
........................................................................
From: Rebecca Williams
Date: Wednesday 27 October 2021 10.23am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Book Foreword
David,
Im happy to write something for you but I wont be able to look at it before the end of the week. Im fully booked today and I have 2 calls scheduled for Thursday morning, a meeting that afternoon, and 3 meetings on Friday.
Checking my schedule for next week, I have Thursday afternoon between 1pm and 4pm free. I might be able to look at it then if thats not too late. Ill pencil it in.
Rebecca
........................................................................
From: Gary Wright
Date: Wednesday 27 October 2021 10.30am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Book Foreword
Youre not wonderful and I dont appreciate being lied to. Ben told me it was you who has been putting leaves on my desk. I straight up asked you and you lied to my face and said it was probably the wind. Stay out of my office.
Gary
........................................................................
From: Kate Routledge
Date: Wednesday 27 October 2021 10.46am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Book Foreword
Good Morning, David,
As HR Director, Im probably not the best person to ask. Gary has filed 3 formal complaints against you in as many months and Ben filed one last week after you emailed the screenshot of his browser history to all staff.
Please dont put leaves on Garys desk. Its pointless and upsets him.
Perhaps if you put as much energy into fostering a professional workplace culture as you do into creating chaos, this might be the healthy work environment you claim youre committed to.
Kate
........................................................................
From: Jodie Smythe
Date: Wednesday 27 October 2021 10.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Book Foreword
No thanks. Why would I do you any favors when you wrote that I have herpes and fucked the rep from Smuckers?
Jodie
........................................................................
From: Ashley Hilditch
Date: Wednesday 27 October 2021 10.48am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Book Foreword
Hello David,
Ive learned a lot about identity design in the last six months but I dont know if I can honestly say youre committed to creating a healthy work environment or you get along well with everyone. You ate Melissas Panera salad yesterday then put the empty container on Jodies desk and told Melissa she ate it.
Ashley
........................................................................
From: Ben Townsend
Date: Wednesday 27 October 2021 10.53am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Book Foreword
Your ability to get along well with everyone? You have a distorted view of reality if you really believe thats true. The only time you get along well with everyone is when you stay home. I can list 3 times just this week that youve instigated an argument for no reason.
1. You told Walter that I had a dream about Ashley giving me a massage. It was a dream about her moving her desk into Garys office.
2. You told Gary theres a new office policy about wrinkles and he has to get Botox.
3. You taped a piece of cheese under my desk.
You owe me $125 for a pair of new jeans. The cheese left an oil mark on my thigh that doesnt wash out. Theyre your jeans now. Im sending you a PayPal request.
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