David Thorne - The Internet Is a Playground

Table of Contents

JEREMY P. TARCHER/PENGUIN

Published by the Penguin Group
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Copyright 2009, 2011 by David Thorne

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Published simultaneously in Canada

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Thorne, David, date.

The internet is a playground / David Thorne.

p. cm.

eISBN : 978-1-101-51377-4

1. InternetHumor. 2. Electronic mail messagesHumor. 3. Practical jokes. 4. Australian wit and humor. I. Title.

PN6231.I62T

818'.607dc22

While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

http://us.penguingroup.com

For Seb and Holly <3

Free Telescope.

This page, when rolled into a tube, makes a telescope with 1:1 magnification.

Introduction

Thank you for purchasing this book. I apologize in advance for the fact that it contains almost no robots or explosionsor exploding robots. My favorite bit of the book is where Richard and Emmeline are shipwrecked on a tropical island and, with neither the guidance nor restrictions of society, emotional feelings and physical changes arise as they reach puberty and fall in love. Later, on page seventy-two, where Richard moves with his mother to a neighborhood in the San Fernando Valley region of Los Angeles, their new apartments handyman, an eccentric but kindly Okinawan immigrant, teaches Richard not only martial arts but also important life lessons, such as balancing on a boat. If I were being honest, I would admit that the flight commander article is my favorite because I wish I were an astronaut, but as that would make me sound like a geek, I wont.

I used to spend many hours writing stupid stories, mainly to annoy people, on social networking sites. As I was continually banned from these places, the 27b/6 website was created as a forum that could not be touched by moderators. The site in those days got around five hundred hits per week. After posting an article concerning paying for an outstanding chiropractic bill with a bad drawing of a spider, the website effectively went viral and has enjoyed a relatively large audience since.

The name 27b/6 is a vague homage to George Orwell, who wrote the novel 1984 while living in apartment 27b on level 6. Terry Gilliam also used this as a maintenance form name, though with a stroke not a slash, in his dystopian movie Brazil.

Also, to answer the question I am most often asked, the e-mail articles in this collection are verbatim. Having said that, I do, on occasion, change names, unless the person has annoyed me. I also sometimes fix spelling errors, as is my prerogative, and bad grammar prior to posting. The characters in the non-e-mail articles are people who have annoyed me, work colleagues, and friends.

Thanks go to my offspring Seb for his part in the fun; Holly, for being my favorite person on the whole planet despite her being American; and Simon, Craig, Leith, Mark, Bill, and Ross for putting up with my juvenile behavior. A big thank you also goes to the people who link to, tweet, repost, and frequent the 27b/6 website. Without them, the hit counters would be only in the double digits.

Regards, David

Overdue account chiropractors are not real doctors

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12:19 p.m.
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,

Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12:37 p.m.
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

I do not have any money, so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95, so I trust that this settles the matter.

Regards, David

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10:07 a.m.
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,

Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10:32 a.m.
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Can I have my drawing of a spider back then, please?

Regards, David

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11:42 a.m.
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,

You e-mailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to e-mail it back to you?