Robert Mayer - How to Win Any Argument: Without Raising Your Voice, Losing Your Cool, or Coming to Blows

HOW TO WIN ANY
ARGUMENT

Larry King, former host of Larry King Live, says that Bob Mayer is a lawyers lawyer. Bob received both his business and law degrees from the University of California at Berkeley. A veteran been-there, done-that lawyer, Robert Mayer and his firm represent clients big (foreign governments, including Venezuela, for whom the first heavy-weight prize fight ever held in South America was negotiated) and small, famous (some of Americas best-known actors and athletes) and infamous, negotiating deals on everything from amphitheater developments to the sale of zero vintage aircraft.

In addition to being a professional mediator and practicing law, Mayer conducts How to Be a Mediator and Negotiating Tips, Tricks, and Tactics seminars and workshops that have been presented for MBA. and law students and for various private businesses, trade groups, and professional associations.

Mayer has interviewed more than 200 of the worlds mastersthe legendary street and bazaar merchants of Mumbai, Istanbul, Cairo, and Shanghaigathering bargaining, haggling, and horse-trading tips for travelers headed for marketplaces around the world. When he can get away, he is a popular cruise ship lecturer who shares those secrets in light-hearted talks to cruise ship passengers bound for destinations where a marketplace mentality is a must to be a top-seeded shopper.

For more information, visit Bob Mayers Website, www.thewaytowin.net.

Published by

Rupa Publications India Pvt. Ltd 2017

7/16, Ansari Road, Daryaganj

New Delhi 110002

Copyright Robert Mayer 2017

Original English language edition published by The Career Press, Inc., 12 Parish Drive, Wayne, NJ 07470, USA. This edition published by arrangement with the original publisher.

The views and opinions expressed in this book are the authors own and the facts are as reported by him which have been verified to the extent possible, and the publishers are not in any way liable for the same.

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in a retrieval system, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher.

ISBN: 978-81-291-4551-2

First impression 2017

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

The moral right of the author has been asserted.

This edition is for sale in the Indian subcontinent only.

This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated, without the publishers prior consent, in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published.

Dedication

Dedicated with love to the memory of my parents, Anne and Franc Mayer, whose do the right thing social conscience continues to be an inspiration. To my beautiful wife, Beverly, for her love, affection, and gentle, caring spirit. To Melissa, Steve, Michelle, Aaron, Zachary, and Gail.

And to Frederick J. Glassman, a great friend and law partner.

Introduction

Because youll want to meet the blonde guy with the tuna melt and fries

Think about your last argument with a family member, a coworker, a supplier, a customer, a boss, a contractor, or the IRS.

Were you convinced that the other side had a closed mind? Did either side put up the same tired arguments, resisting new facts and information? Did either side overgeneralize differences, saying, You always, You only, or You never? Did either side make threats they really didnt want to carry out? Did either side lose their cool? Did the other side then counter by angrily raising their voice?

Arguments Are a War of Words.

Each side digging in to defend their position. Resisting change because they are committed to the status quoor because in their minds there is a justification that supports their positionor because they are attached to what is comfortable and familiaror because their good judgment is on the line.

Each side withholding information or distorting the information they choose to give. Each side saying only those things they can say well. Each side changing from being stubbornly right to being adamantly righteous. Each side relying on their gut instincts and premonitions. And why not? Its always easier to take a stand than to understand. So, too, its easier to decide against than to decide for.

As the war of words wages on, issues become more complex. Outcomes become less predictable. Retorts become more simplistic.

Or maybe there is silencethe hardest argument of all to refute.

This book teaches you a better way to win arguments without quarreling, squabbling, tussling, wrangling, bickering, raising your voice, losing your cool, or coming to blows. Win arguments without bulldozing and browbeating the other guy. Win arguments by finessing rather than forcing, kickin butt, or being in the other guys face.

Youll learn how to make, manage, and move arguments without offending or embarrassing anyone, including yourself. Win arguments with confidence, grace, and ease.

The art of argument. Its mysterious and powerful. Its the art of having things go your way. And the art of getting out of your own way. Its having the moves. But its also having the touch.

Youll learn the way of the ancient martial arts masters. In Japanese, ju means gentle, do means way. Judo means gentle way. The gentle way is directing rather than confronting the other guys energy. But what youre about to discover wont turn you into a softie.

Winning isnt about pushy pitches, dolling up your ideas with rouge and rhinestones, or having a gift of gab. The winning way is to get a grip, because you need to be in control of how you will be; to construct a Consent Zone, because you need to manage emotions, not avoid them; to link, because you need things to feel right so a person will want to follow your lead; to lead with bulletproof reasoning because what you say needs to sound right; and to cinch consent, because, in the end, you want to trigger action.

There are reasons why all of us do what we do. The reasons dont have to be good reasons; they often arent. The reasons dont have to be the product of conscious choice; they often arent. This is a book about being people savvy. Understanding what makes peopleincluding ourselvestick.

You will discover what worksand what doesntwhen you are up against a stone wall, when your ideas are being rejected, or when you are confronted with hostility and anger. Youll learn how to be an uncompromising compromiser. How to finesse people who would rather be right than reasonable and stand up to people you cant stand.

Along with the moves for outgunning and outmaneuvering the other guy, youll learn techniques for developing life skills that will dramatically enhance your chances of professional success and personal satisfaction.

The book you are holding has been revised and updated. To be right for our times, I have to say

Welcome to the New Normal.

Its a time and place that is neither kind nor gentle. Our New Challenges are different than our Old Challenges. Conversations are tougher. Disagreements are more frequent. Conflicts are more trying.

All too often, its the guy who has a do it my way style that gets his way. The guy with the Heavy Metal Moves. Unless you have a special knack for looking the other way, stay tuned. In a new chapter, youll learn how to use Heavy Metal Moves. You wont be dissed, dismissed, or dumped on, and youll learn how to defend against their use by that other guy.