Shantelle Bisson - Raising Your Kids Without Losing Your Cool

To read more about the dangers of drinking during pregnancy, visit the Canada Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder Research Network at canfasd.ca.

To learn more about the dangers of electromagnetic radiation and some things you can do to protect yourself and your family, including suggestions for non-DECT baby monitors, check out these resources:

Radiation Health Risks, radiationhealthrisks.com/7-examples-low-emission-baby-monitors

Magda Havas, Ph.D., magdahavas.com/safe_baby_monitors

The CBS News report on kids screen time quoted in Chapter Seven is Health Experts Say Parents Need to Drastically Cut Kids Screen Time, available at cbs-news.com/news/parents-need-to-drastically-cut-kids-screen-time-devices-american-heart-association.

IF I TRULY THANK every single person who deserves my gratitude and gushing, it would require a completely separate book. I will instead keep it simple, focusing my attention on the people who are the reason this book exists at all.

To Michele Rubin, my phenomenal, badass, smarter-than-smart rock-star editor at Cornerstones, U.S., who helped me put my words into an actual book form that a publisher would even consider publishing.

To Dundurn Press, specifically Kathryn Lane, who had the balls to publish this how-to book: thank you! To Jess Shulman, for being so brilliant and condensing a lot of my rambling to make it concise and smart. Youre the best! To Elena Radic, for keeping me on schedule, in a very keeping your cool way. And giving me that extra day at the very end!

To every single one of you who bought and read the book, thank you, thank you, thank you.

To the staff at NKPR, for all your brilliant ideas about how to get this book out there and get people excited about it. Youre all rock stars. To Michelle for letting me say no on some PR ideas and being cool about it. And Rebecca for coming on board in the eleventh hour before your maternity leave was even over, reading the book, and really, REALLY LOVING IT. Your enthusiasm was infectious, and your support for it was second to none. Ill never forget how much encouragement you gave me. And to Natasha (NK), who believed in me when I couldnt. You put your best people on this book, and I will never forget your faith in me. Thank you.

To all my best girls, my ride-or-dies, who always believed in me, who knew that eventually I would end up a published author if I never gave up. You lifted me up on days I couldnt lift myself. I love you, and I thank you for helping me keep my cool for all these years.

To my mother, who taught me how it is possible to sacrifice for the greater good of your kid but still maintain your own identity. Mom, you taught by example how important it is to have a life with your own interests and friends outside of being a mom. I remember the adult dance classes you took, plus the bowling and baseball teams you played on. The fantastic example you set, teaching me that keeping a little sliver of time for yourself is paramount to keeping your cool. Thank you for putting us first. You had so little little money, little example for how to be a selfless parent yet you managed it all so excellently, often going without sleep or new things for yourself so that we wouldnt be bullied for looking as poor as we were. You worked long hours, rushing home to get us to dance and hockey, never once complaining about traffic or weather. You cheered the loudest, and clapped the longest. Thank you, and I love you.

To my father, who truly wanted very little to do with me when I was a young girl, and who spent most of my childhood inebriated. I thank you for saying sorry. I thank you for working toward building a bridge of forgiveness, trust, and humility, and for getting sober so that in our older years we could get to know one another. I thank you for teaching me that it is never, ever too late to say youre sorry or to change your ways, and for healing our relationship before dementia came and took you away a second time. I love you.

Yannick. For some strange reason the universe put it upon your heart to fall in love with me when you first met me, when I was a fifteen-year-old Baskin Robbins ice cream girl, and you were the wet dream of Canadian girls the country over. I had no idea. And thank God I didnt know how desired you were, or I might have fucked it all up by wanting you for the wrong reasons. You are the greatest, kindest, most loving man I could ever imagine knowing, and the best father our daughters could ever hope for. I am sorry for all the pain Ive ever caused you; I will be eternally grateful for the strong stomach you have had in dealing with me. You are my greatest blessing. Those who know us intimately know this to be a cold, hard fact. Thank you for gifting me with the most important role, the blessing I didnt know I needed or wanted, of being mother to our daughters. I love you more than I think I will ever be able to fully express to you.

Brianna. Wow. What can be said of my beautiful girl? Everything we know about parenting came at your expense. Youre stronger than you know, braver than you think, and more lovely, intelligent, and wonderful than I can possibly express. Im moved to tears when I think about how your choosing me made me into the woman that I became. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being strong enough to withstand my weaknesses. I love you deeply, my first-born, and wish you all the blessings that this world can give to you. xoxo

Dominique. You are a dream. Your sensitive, intuitive soul is a gift to me. I know that how deeply you feel can seem like a curse, but trust me, one day soon you will see what an incredible blessing it is. You are my soul girl. Im so thankful that you picked me to mother you, to guide you, and even more thankful for all the things youve taught me. You, my love, have so much to offer this world. Go boldly and do it. Im with you, and I believe in you. Thank you for your patience with me. Thank you for forgiving me for all the ways Ive blown it with you, and trust that you are my soul, my breath, my reason. xoxo

Mikaela. We werent looking, yet there you were. Lovely and pure. We were a crew of four. Then you joined the band and life was never the same. Somehow, although you were the youngest, you became the glue that made us a real family. Ask your sisters: they will attest to the fact that we were good, and then you came along and we were complete. All of our lives were blessed and enriched the day you joined our clan. Youre the voice of reason. Youre the comedian in trying times. Youre the heart and soul at every traditional holiday. Each of us is blessed to know you. I couldnt be prouder of your strength and beauty, and I look forward to watching you set this world on fire. xoxo

When I was a girl of just nineteen, pregnant for the first time, never in a million years would I have guessed that Id build the family that I have. Each of you girls is the reason our family is what it is, and I hope you know youre the reason, on all my tough days, and there have been many, that I get up in the morning. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Chapter One

It Begins

LET ME BEGIN BY congratulating you on the impending arrival of your bundle of joy. All the clichs are true: a child will add so much to your life. But you know this already. Youve watched your friends bring children into their lives. Youve watched hundreds of movies in which two people fall in love, get married, have a child, and live happily ever after. Maybe youre just one of those people whose maternal instincts kicked in with your first baby doll. But however, and whenever, parenthood began for you, your journey now starts in earnest. For that, I send blessings of good health to you, your unborn baby, and your marriage, relationship, or partnership.