Robert Mayer - How to Win Any Argument, Revised Edition: Without Raising Your Voice, Losing Your Cool, or Coming to Blows

Because youll want to meet the blonde guy with the tuna melt and fries

Think about your last argument with a family member, a coworker, a supplier, a customer, a boss, a contractor, or the IRS.

Were you convinced that the other side had a closed mind? Did either side put up the same tired arguments, resisting new facts and information? Did either side overgeneralize differences, saying, You always, You only, or You never? Did either side make threats they really didnt want to carry out? Did either side lose their cool? Did the other side then counter by angrily raising their voice?

Each side digging in to defend their position. Resisting change because they are committed to the status quo or because in their minds there is a justification that supports their positionor because they are attached to what is comfortable and familiar or because their good judgment is on the line.

Each side withholding information or distorting the information they choose to give. Each side saying only those things they can say well. Each side changing from being stubbornly right to being adamantly righteous. Each side relying on their gut instincts and premonitions. And why not? Its always easier to take a stand than to understand. So, too, its easier to decide against than to decide for.

As the war of words wages on, issues become more complex. Outcomes become less predictable. Retorts become more simplistic.

Or maybe there is silencethe hardest argument of all to refute.

This book teaches you a better way to win arguments without quarreling, squabbling, tussling, wrangling, bickering, raising your voice, losing your cool, or coming to blows. Win arguments without bulldozing and browbeating the other guy. Win arguments by finessing rather than forcing, kickin butt, or being in the other guys face.

Youll learn how to make, manage, and move arguments without offending or embarrassing anyone, including yourself. Win arguments with confidence, grace, and ease.

The art of argument. Its mysterious and powerful. Its the art of having things go your way. And the art of getting out of your own way. Its having the moves. But its also having the touch.

Youll learn the way of the ancient martial arts masters. In Japanese, ju means gentle, do means way. Judo means gentle way. The gentle way is directing rather than confronting the other guys energy. But what youre about to discover wont turn you into a softie.

Winning isnt about pushy pitches, dolling up your ideas with rouge and rhinestones, or having a gift of gab. The winning way is to get a grip, because you need to be in control of how you will be; to construct a Consent Zone, because you need to manage emotions, not avoid them; to link, because you need things to feel right so a person will want to follow your lead; to lead with bulletproof reasoning because what you say needs to sound right; and to cinch consent, because, in the end, you want to trigger action.

There are reasons why all of us do what we do. The reasons dont have to be good reasons; they often arent. The reasons dont have to be the product of conscious choice; they often arent. This is a book about being people savvy. Understanding what makes peopleincluding ourselvestick.

You will discover what worksand what doesntwhen you are up against a stone wall, when your ideas are being rejected, or when you are confronted with hostility and anger. Youll learn how to be an uncompromising compromiser. How to finesse people who would rather be right than reasonable and stand up to people you cant stand.

Along with the moves for outgunning and outmaneuvering the other guy, youll learn techniques for developing life skills that will dramatically enhance your chances of professional success and personal satisfaction.

The book you are holding has been revised and updated. To be right for our times, I have to say