Ronald T. Potter-Efron - Letting Go of Anger: The Eleven Most Common Anger Styles and What to Do about Them: The Eleven Most Common Anger Styles and What to Do about Them
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Letting Go of Anger
Second Edition
The Potter-Efrons continue to capture the essence of anger through their anger styles. By understanding the eleven anger styles and how they relate to each of us in a personal way, we gain insight that can unlock our own chains of anger. The Potter-Efrons have generously provided the tools to help break away from the most hardened of anger styles. Their guidance and experience will give each of us the opportunity to begin our journey on a path towards emotional freedom.
V. William Blount, MS, author of Healthy Anger
This book offers detailed, yet accessible, descriptions of anger styles, followed by easy-to-understand alternatives to healthier expressions. Anyone who wants to examine their anger will be able to find themselves in this book.
Susan C. Turell, Ph.D., counseling psychologist working with survivors of sexual and physical violence
Letting Go of Anger
Second Edition
Ron Potter-Efron & Pat Potter-Efron
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Publishers Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright 2006 by Ron Potter-Efron and Pat Potter-Efron
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
Cover design by Amy Shoup; Acquired by Catharine Sutker; Edited by Kayla Sussell; Text design by Tracy Marie Carlson
All Rights Reserved; Printed in the United States of America
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Potter-Efron, Ronald T.
Letting go of anger: the eleven most common anger styles and what to do about them / Ronald T. Potter-Efron and Patricia S. Potter-Efron. 2nd ed.
ISBN-13: 978-1-57224-448-1
ISBN-10: 1-57224-448-8
ISBN-13: 978-1-60882-427-4 Epub
For David Allan Keith newest member of our family when first written, now in double digits
Contents
I
Once upon a time a young couple climbed a high mountain. There they saw a wise old man. He motioned for them to sit. He told them they could ask him any questions.
They asked him the meaning of life. He told them.
They asked him the recipe for happiness. He wrote it down.
They asked him about all the secrets of the universe. No problem.
Then they asked him a hard question: Oh, Great Master, we are angry so often. We hurt each other when we get angry. What can we do?
Suddenly the master glared at them, broke his pencil in two, cursed loudly, and stomped back into his cave. Alas, he muttered over his shoulder, if I could figure that out I wouldnt be sitting here all alone on this mountain!
What Do You Do When You Get Angry?
Nobody really knows what to do with their anger, at least not all the time. Anger is a gift, a natural part of the human condition, but it isnt easy to handle. Anger causes a lot of trouble in our lives.
This book is about how people deal with their anger. Well talk later in this chapter about healthy angerwhat it looks and feels like, how to use it, how to let it go. Your relationship with anger is healthy when you deal with it in this wayyou recognize it, you act on it, and you let it go.
Most of this book, though, is about anger problems and anger styles. An anger problem is something that makes it hard for you to handle your anger. Examples are being afraid of your anger, liking it too much, stuffing your anger because you dont know how to express it out loud, and exploding in rage.
An anger style is a pattern, a particular way you handle your anger. The style you choose answers this question: What do I do when I get angry?
We describe eleven anger styles in this book. There are more, but these eleven are common. You may find yourself in one of them or several. As we write, well mention the good parts of each style, its problems, and what you can do to change if you are stuck in that style.
Before we go on, though, wed like you to take the brief quiz that follows. There are thirty-three Yes/No questions. Just answer them quickly, without worrying too much about doing it right.
Anger Styles Quiz
| 1. I try never to get angry. | Yes No |
| 2. I get really nervous when others are angry. | Yes No |
| 3. I feel Im doing something bad when I get angry. | Yes No |
_____________________________________________________________________________
| 4. I often tell people Ill do what they want, but then I forget. | Yes No |
| 5. I frequently say things like Yeah, but and Ill do it later. | Yes No |
| 6. People tell me I must be angry but Im not sure why. | Yes No |
_____________________________________________________________________________
| 7. I get mad at myself a lot. | Yes No |
| 8. I stuff my anger and then get headaches, a stiff neck, stomachaches, etc. | Yes No |
| 9. I freqently call myself ugly names like dummy, selfish, etc. | Yes No |
_____________________________________________________________________________
| 10. My anger comes on really fast. | Yes No |
| 11. I act before I think when I get angry. | Yes No |
| 12. My anger goes away very quickly. | Yes No |
_____________________________________________________________________________
| 13. I get very angry when people criticize me. | Yes No |
| 14. People say I am easily hurt and oversensitive. | Yes No |
| 15. I get angry easily when I feel bad about myself. | Yes No |
_____________________________________________________________________________
| 16. I get mad in order to get what I want. | Yes No |
| 17. I try to scare others with my anger. | Yes No |
| 18. I sometimes pretend to be mad when Im not really angry. | Yes No |
_____________________________________________________________________________
| 19. Sometimes I get angry just for the excitement or action. | Yes No |
| 20. I like the strong feelings that come with my anger. | Yes No |
| 21. Sometimes when I am bored I start arguments or pick fights. | Yes No |
_____________________________________________________________________________
| 22. I seem to get angry all the time. | Yes No |
| 23. My anger feels like a bad habit I have trouble breaking. | Yes No |
| 24. I get mad without thinkingit feels automatic. | Yes No |
_____________________________________________________________________________
| 25. I get jealous a lot, even when there is no reason. | Yes No |
| 26. I dont trust people very much. | Yes No |
| 27. Sometimes it feels like people are out to get me. | Yes No |
_____________________________________________________________________________
| 28. I become very angry when I defend my beliefs and opinions. | Yes No |
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