S.G. Wilson - Me vs. the Multiverse: Pleased to Meet Me

So this one time when I was six, I went sleepwalking and peed in my tub of Legos. I never told a soul, and no one in the world could have possibly known. But seven years later, the ugly truth was right there, scrawled on a note inside an origami octopus. I found it first thing in the morning hanging by its arms from the sill of my bedroom window:

Hi, Me,

Yes, you. Youre me, and Im you.

Dont believe me? Heres proof. This is stuff only we would know:

1. After peeing in our Lego container while sleepwalking when we were six, we dumped the pieces in the dishwasher. Lego Yodas lightsaber broke the dishwasher pump, and we got in serious trouble.

2. Since age three, weve had a recurring nightmare about an otter forcing us to do push-ups and climb ropes in army boot camp.

3. Wed never fess up to anyone that greeting card commercials, pet-adoption pop-up stands, and the friendship pictures on Girl Scout cookie boxes always make us a little weepy. So do most Pixar movies. Except maybe Planes.

Anyway, learn more about what we have in common by coming to the Janus Hotel South anytime today. Ill explain more soon.

Ours sincerely,

Me

Though Id never seen this note before in my life, it was written in my handwriting. Not the neat writing I attempted for teachers, but the unreadable scrawl I used the rest of the time.

It only got weirder from there. Whoever had made the octopus used a special fold Id invented and thought nobody else knew how to do. Id dreamed it up from the picture of a real-life Atlantic pygmy octopus I saw in one of Dads National Geographics, where I got most of my origami ideas. I must have made it hundreds of times, but Id only ever shown my best friend, Twig, how to do the folds. Smart as she was, shed never gotten the hang of it.

If she hadnt folded it, who had?

I looked out the window and saw no sign of anybody. Maybe this was Twigs idea of a joke. She could have swiped one of my old octopus folds and mimicked my writing easily enough. But that just didnt seem like something shed do. Besides, how would she have known my deepest, darkest secrets? Id told her a lot about myself, but Id stayed mum on the Legos and the pee. And the greeting card commercials, for that matter.

Then there was the Janus Hotel. Why would anybody want to meet at an abandoned building like that? I was pretty sure my parents had met for the first time at some conference there way back when, but the place had been out of business for a few years now.

I reread the note a half dozen times as I got ready for school and headed downstairs to breakfast. It was one of those mornings when Mom sat at the table and Dad stood at the counter so they didnt have to talk to each other. That was how they foughtarguing without actually saying anything.

When I walked in, they strapped weak smiles on their faces. They werent very good actors. Before either of them could start in with the public service announcements (Use a fork, not your fingers, Chew with your lips closed, Fart in private, not at the table), I asked a question: Didnt you used to go to some conference at the old Janus Hotel?

Dads face turned dreamy. He always got this way when he remembered the early days of Me Co., the fitness-watch company hed started before I was born. Why, yes, Meade, I had a lot of great conferences there.

Ahem, said Mom. She actually said ahem instead of just clearing her throat. Its also where we met.

Dads smile faded and he straightened up. Right, of course. Then the smile crept back. Your mom was at a physics conference going on in the hotel at the same time as mine. The two conferences double-booked the ballroom for a party, but nobody minded and we all mingled. I didnt go in for parties much, so I was off in the corner trying to fix a busted processor. Then I heard a voice say

Excuse me, do you know anything about laptops? Mom recalled. She smiled too. I had motherboard issues.

For just a minute, the ice between them melted and they gazed at each other in a really embarrassing way. Two nerds in love. Then they seemed to remember they were mad and got back to sulking.

Right, I said. Ive heard that story before. Like a zillion times.

Why do you ask? said Dad.

Just curious. Could the note writer have possibly known that my parents met at the Janus, or was that reading too much into this? All I knew was that I could never show them the octopus. I didnt need them thinking Id been writing stalker notes to myself. They were already on my case enough as it was.

I polished off my breakfast in the fewest bites possible and headed for the door. Thats when the MeMinder ratted me out. Reminder! said the watch in its stupid robot voice. Full dress rehearsal at drama class. Basketball practice after school. Science fair project only one percent complete. Must complete science fair project for Student Showcase Night tonight!

Me Co. made one product, the MeMinder, and I wore the latest version on my wrist. I couldnt have told you if it was the MeMinder 8 or the MeMinder 9. As the companys lone product tester/guinea pig, Id started losing count after the MeMinder 4. It had been bad enough when earlier MeMinders tracked my exercise and sleep, but this new model made things even more torturous by keeping tabs on personal goals.