Vanessa Bailey - Yesterday I was Pregnant: What I Wish Id Known About Miscarriage Before it Happened to Me.

Dedication

D edicated to mommies everywhere who know the pain of loss; together we are stronger.

Psalm 56:8

You keep track of all my sorrows.

You have collected all my tears in your bottle.

You have recorded each one in your book.

Chapter One: Youre Not Alone

W hether youve had one or numerous miscarriages, are afraid you may have one, are in the process of having one, are a partner to someone who had a miscarriage, have a friend who experienced a miscarriage, or are just curious about what people who experience miscarriage have gone through this book is for you. Miscarriage took me by surprise when I least expected it, and there are so many things that I wish somebody had told me before it happened. There were opportunities, both via healthcare professionals and also personal acquaintances, that somebody could have filled me in or given me the scoop on what a miscarriage entails. But nobody did.

I have never felt so alone or inexplicably numb as I did when I had a miscarriage. There is so much that your body experiences, both physically and emotionally; some of it rather quickly, and some all too slowly. As though the physical experience of enduring a miscarriage is not enough, theres the emotional that comes with it free of charge. The emotional aspect of miscarriage is the ugly free gift that you sometimes find at the bottom of your bag when youve been shopping somewhere. The item nobody wanted to buy, so they slip it in the bottom of the bag without giving you a chance to No thanks, and you end up with it at home; wondering why you even have it in the first place. And then, if you have a partner or significant other who is experiencing the miscarriage with you, it adds a whole new twist that you must take hold of and deal with as well.

For whatever reason, miscarriage is one of those cultural taboos that our society has somehow interpreted to not be appropriate dinner conversation. There are many topics of conversation that are this way; realities of life that we just handle on our own because it doesnt seem like something to bring up and chat with other people about. Our society has for whatever reason molded these taboos to be things we naturally know not to bring up, and causes us to feel ashamed to some degree if they happen to us. Im here to tell you that this is the opposite of what needs to happen when it comes to miscarriage. Miscarriage needs people, laughs, friendly faces, familiar hugs, and reassurance when nothing in life seems bearable.

If youre reading this book, it likely means that miscarriage has touched you in some way, no matter what that way may be. Miscarriage needs to be okay to talk about. It is not something to be ashamed of. It is not something you did wrong. It is not even something you could have prevented. In fact, its actually quite natural and quite normal; one of the ways the human body finds its way of selectively choosing whether to continue investment in something that may be damaged in some way.

You will need help. Your partner or significant other will need help. Its okay. I promise. You are not alone, and you dont need to feel like you are. I looked for books that I could read to help me when I was going through my miscarriage, and nothing seemed to fit the bill to help with what I was looking for. My hope and prayer is that this book helps you, even if it is only in some small way. I want you to know that you are normal, what youve been through is normal, what youre feeling is normal... and mostly that despite all those normals, there is nothing about miscarriage that feels or is actually normal at all. Its simply not the way things are supposed to be. Yet, somehow it still is.

You will feel just about every known emotion throughout the process; guilt, shame, dread, fear, sorrow, gut wrenching despair, hopelessness, sadness, relief, pain, etc. And theyre all normal things to feel. Hang in there. Read on. Its going to be okay. You will make it. And hopefully after youve read this book, youll feel better. Some sense of relief. If only for a moment. Most importantly; youll know. Youll know what I wished I had known before and during my miscarriage. And you can share what you learned with somebody else and hopefully help them as well. We have to stick together when it comes to miscarriage. It may knock us down for a moment, but we can get up and fight back by taking control of our lives again and pressing onward.

Heres to you and the journey you are facing. Im with you.

Chapter Two: To Beat or Not to Beat

A fter two previous successful pregnancies resulting in three beautiful babies, I had taken my third pregnancy for granted right from the beginning. My first pregnancy was the result of a honeymoon production, and consisted of 40 uneventful weeks and a beautiful baby boy. My second pregnancy, somewhat more complicated, was the result of a gestational surrogacy. I had no trouble getting pregnant that time either (the assistance of science and medical professionals made sure of that), and successfully carried two healthy and handsome boys for 38 weeks until I delivered and then passed them off to their wonderful, loving, hope filled parents. Though that pregnancy was difficult purely given the fact that I was carrying twins and the normal tolls that takes on a womans body, it was rather uneventful as well and there was nothing unusual to report or be concerned about. My third pregnancy came when my husband and I determined we were ready to add another baby to our family. As expected, we didnt have any trouble conceiving and before we knew it were making the announcement that we were eight weeks pregnant; sharing the exciting news with our closest family and friends.