Gary Blake - A Freudian Slip Is When You Say One Thing but Mean Your Mother: 879 Funny, Funky, Hip, and Hilarious Puns

A Freudian Slip
Is When You
Say One Thing
but Mean
Your Mother 879 Funny, Funky, Hip, and Hilarious Puns GARY BLAKE Skyhorse Publishing Copyright 2012 by Gary Blake All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018. Skyhorse Publishing books may be purchased in bulk at special discounts for sales promotion, corporate gifts, fund-raising, or educational purposes. Special editions can also be created to specifications. For details, contact the Special Sales Department, Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018 or .

Skyhorse and Skyhorse Publishing are registered trademarks of Skyhorse Publishing, Inc., a Delaware corporation. Visit our website at www.skyhorsepublishing.com. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file. ISBN: 978-1-61608-734-0 Printed in China For Louise Contents Acknowledgments I D LIKE TO THANK my dog, without whom this book would never have been bitten. Also, I am grateful for the person who wrote the enduring line, And dont call me Shirley. Finally, a big thank you to the folks at Skyhorse Publishing, who have given me more support than my Dr.

Scholls foot pads. My personal thanks to my long-time friend and colleague-in-punnery Steve Price, who encouraged me to write this book and kept me motivated long after I realized that writing hundreds of puns had permanently damaged my stem cells. Introduction L ET US NOW PRAISE Famous Puns. Puns are not the lowest form of humor; in fact, they may be the highest. They certainly have a fine provenance: from the Bible, Chaucer, Pope, Shakespeare, Rabelais, Tolstoy, Joyce, Lewis Carroll, John Donne, Oscar Wilde, Nabokov, and Beckett to the movie Airplane!And dont call me Shirley! A biblical pun is found in Matthew 16:18: Thou art Peter and upon this rock I will build my church. The Greek name for Peter, which also means stone, is quite close to the Greek word for rock.

Dryden called puns the lowest and most groveling kind of wit. to Ambrose Bierce, puns were a form of wit to which wise men stoop and fools aspire. Shakespeare couldnt resist a pun, such as this from Richard III (Now is the winter of our discontent/Made glorious summer by the sun of York), in which he puns on sun and son. Romeo and Juliet is filled with puns. In Julius Caesar, there is a cobbler who, when asked what he does, replies, I am a mender of mens soles (souls). Samuel Johnson disparaged Shakespeare for his puns, calling puns the lowest form of humor.

Lewis Carroll tossed off puns in Alice In Wonderland, such as: And how many hours a day did you do lessons? said Alice, in a hurry to change the subject. Ten hours the first day, said the Mock Turtle, nine the next, and so on. What a curious plan! exclaimed Alice. Thats the reason theyre called lessons, the Gryphon remarked, because they lessen from day to day. The curmudgeonly comic Oscar Levant famously opined that a pun is the lowest form of humorunless you think of it first. It seems like we must first disapprove a pun instead of laugh at it.

To paraphrase Rodney Dangerfield, Puns dont get no respect. The tradition of wordplay can be traced back thousands of years and, in the United States, we are surrounded by puns that are good, bad, and sometimes ugly. There are stores at the mall that rely on puns to communicate their business idea (an optometrists store is A Site for Sore Eyes), films from The Marx Brothers to Airplane! to the 007 films in which James Bond dispenses a pun whenever he prefers to be oblique. In Moonraker, Hugo Drax asks, Why did you break up the encounter with my pet python? Bond says, I discovered it had a crush on me. Comics like Steven Wright base their entire comic personas on existential interpretations of far-out puns (e.g., I went to a general store. They wouldnt let me buy anything specifically.).

Could Tonight Show host Jay Leno even exist without puns? The teenage sex problem is mounting. Why? Do they keep on slipping off? Abbott and Costello could milk a pun endlessly, as when Bud announced that hed been hired at a bakery as a loafer. Newspapers like the New York Post (this headline when dancer Fred Astaire died: Taps for Fred Astaire) and other tabloids would be lost without them (during a British heat wave: London Broils). The New York Posts prize pun may have been Headless Body Found in Topless Bar. Heres one that is quite possibly an urban legend but sticks in my mind nonetheless. It concerns an escaped patient from a secure ward at a psychiatric hospital who rapes two laundry workers and flees the sceneNut screws washers and bolts.

I dont know if it was ever actually published, but The Colonel Kicks the Bucket went around a lot when Colonel Sanders died. Even World War II correspondents found solace in puns. When William Shirer went from Paris to the bureau of the Chicago Tribune Universal Service owned by William Randolph Hearst, he cracked, Im going from bad to Hearst. It seems as though those who name their cabin cruisers (Playbuoy, Buoy Crazy, Marlin Monroe) and racehorses (Lady Leggs) cannot resist puns either, as any trip to a marina or a stable will confirm. And surfing the TV offerings will yield punny titles like Taking Stock (a financial show) and Pawn Stars, which I wont even go into. Ad slogans stick in the mind better when a pun is present (Mumms the Word; from a cosmetics company: Aging is history).

And then theres the classic ad for a French vermouth: Dont Stir without Noilly Prat. These days, products on shelves form their own puns, like Cherries Garcia, and then there are even stores like Staples. Friends thrived on puns, as did Frasier (from the episode Frasier Has Spokane, Frasier: Thats perfectBrian being a seismologist, and you having so many faults.), Monk, How I Met Your Mother, Gilmore Girls... and game shows like Minute to Win It. Eighty years ago, wit, humor, and puns abounded at the Algonquin Round Table with George S. (Round Table regular and theatre critic Alexander Woolcotts title for his review of theatrical plays was Enchanted Aisles.) Once, when Kauffman was stuck with a terrible bridge partner, the partner excused himself to urinate. (Round Table regular and theatre critic Alexander Woolcotts title for his review of theatrical plays was Enchanted Aisles.) Once, when Kauffman was stuck with a terrible bridge partner, the partner excused himself to urinate.

Kaufmann, wearing his usual world-weary expression, said to the other two players: This is the first time all evening I know what he has in his hand. My favorite example of a political pun was said by Adlai Stevenson. Its a pun in which the sound of the words and the juxtaposition of ideas result in cleverness of a high order. Stevenson was asked his opinion of Pope Paul and of Norman Vincent Peale. He answered, I find Paul appealing and Peale appalling. When it comes to Broadway plays and musicals, puns are the hallmark of our wittiest and most popular writers.

Cole Porters Brush Up Your Shakespeare from Kiss Me Kate comes to mind. Each refrain of Brush Up Your Shakespeare includes at least one pun on the title of a Shakespeare play (If she says your behavior is heinous/Kick her right in the Coriolanus.) In Sondheims Sweeney Todd, a whole song about the types of people that will be ground up into Mrs. Lovetts pies is done in puns. Mr. Sondheim, in Into the Woods, tells us, in the Jack and the Beanstalk segment, that the ends justify the beans. And we know from the song Comedy Tonight in