Karl Pilkington - The World of Karl Pilkington

Karl by Ricky

Steve: What do you make of the first genetically modified baby? Are you worried about this?

Karl: Do you know what they do?

Ricky: Isnt it just choosing the eye colour or something?

Steve: Well this is the concern, isnt it, that in the future you will be able to decide whether its a boy or a girl, how intelligent it is, what it looks like, is it handsome, is it ugly? Obviously no one would choose an ugly baby and so on and so on. So where will it end? Are you concerned?

Karl: Weve talked about the cloning thing a bit before, aint we, and how its a bit weird?

Ricky: Yes.

Karl: I dont think it matters because at the end of the day you might look like some other kid but its the way that youre brought up that will change your features and your personality.

Ricky: If you lie you get a long nose, dont you?

Karl: No, but listen, right, cos I remember when I was growing up on the estate

Ricky: This is gonna be good.

Karl: So Im growing up on this estate and there was this woman about four houses down who was a bit rough.

Ricky: Go on

Karl: They didnt clean up much right, and even if you havent got a lot of money you can still try and make the place look nice.

Ricky: Get some Jif, yeah.

Karl: Right, but she didnt. Her kid used to take a horse into the house.

Ricky: Sorry?

Steve: Woah woah woah.

Ricky: Woah, Neddy, woah. What do you mean, her kid used to take a horse into the house? Where did they get the horse?

Karl: Must of nicked it from somewhere.

Steve: What, from outside the saloon round the corner?

Ricky: Did Big Jake come looking for it?

Steve: So let me get this right. Was this before the lynching or after?

Ricky: Where did he get a horse from? What do you mean, he must of nicked it? His mum is saying, Where did you get that from?, he says, Ive bought it, she goes, Oh alright then, but keep it out of the kitchen.

Steve: And I dont want you going cattle rustling

Ricky: Where did he get a horse from and how long did he have it for? Was he leading it or riding it? Mam, quick, open the door, I cant stop, looks like weve got us a runaway What do you mean?

Karl: Im just saying I dont think they could of afforded to buy one cos theyre not cheap, so Im just guessing. Maybe thats wrong of me.

Steve: He had a horse! Thats why the family didnt have any money. They had a horse!

Karl: I was in the car with me dad coming into the avenue and he used to have to drive down it to turn round

Ricky: You had the traditional method of transport.

Karl: And the horse was in the lounge. And I went in there once because I tried to earn myself some money by flogging little flowers in plastic cups.

Ricky: This is genius, it just keeps coming. What do you mean, you tried flogging little flowers? This story is getting deeper and deeper. Its like an onion.

Steve: Weve created a whole world here where theres a man living with a horse. I come from the West Country and I never heard anything like that.

Ricky: I just think of a big orange carpet, a Rediffusion telly and this horse going, Im fed up in here

Steve: Exactly, saying, I am not taking the rubbish out again.

Ricky: Little flowers in pots? What do you mean? Lets just go back. What did this woman look like?

Karl: Er bit like and no disrespect to her bit like Pauline Quirke.

Steve: Sure.

Karl: They did this thing at school about raising money for some local charity and they said you can do anything to raise money and they came up with all these ideas. And I thought, Thats good. Forget the charity. Im the charity. So I asked me mam for some flowers cos she had a lot of em around the house. I said, Can I just take some snippings of them and Ill go and buy some plastic cups and get some soil out of the garden. Planted the bits of plants in them, got a tray, had about 25 plants on it, selling em for around 25 pence each. Sold loads.

Ricky: You didnt just cut the flowers off and stick them in the pots?

Karl: Yeah, they wouldnt of survived. But I think people sort of thought, good on him for trying. But anyway, I went round to the house with the horse cos I thought their house could do with a bit of colour and brightening up and that.

Ricky: The horse went, Thank God for that breakfast! Theyve been feeding me Kit-e-kat.

Karl: So I go up to the door and they open the door and its one of them houses where theres no carpet

Steve: And a horse in the living room. Weve all been there.

Karl: And the horse was walking round the living room. And it looked quite happy and everything because

Ricky: Black Beauty was on?

Karl: But think about it right; if you were a horse, where would you rather be? In a little wooden hut with a load of hay? Or in a house with a three-piece suite and a telly and that?

Ricky: A telly and that.

Karl: I was saying this the other day. I was walking through London the other day with Suzanne and do you know how homeless people always have dogs? She said, Oh I hope they look after it and I said, What you on about? That dog is happier than most dogs because people always walk past and give it a pat on the head; its with its owner all the time; its out in the open not locked up in the house.

Steve: It doesnt eat, but other than that

Karl: No it does eat. Theyre always alright. So thats what I was saying, I think this horse was doing alright for itself.

Ricky: Well, yes, not many horses have got their own house for a start.

Karl: But anyway, thats not what we were talking about. We were talking about

Steve: Genetically modified kids.

Karl: Yeah. What Im saying is, you could have a baby, right, Steve, and Ricky could see it and say, God, I want one that looks like that.

Steve: It could happen Rick, come on, work with him.

Karl: So you take it to the doctors and I dont know what they do with it, they inject it with summit or whatever

Steve: Yep, thats how its done.

Karl: And you get a little baby and there it is it looks the same. Now you both go off and do your own things, right. Steve, you look after your baby, you treat it well, you give it good food and that.

Steve: Yes, well Im a good dad.