John Wilson - The Official Razzie Movie Guide: Enjoying the Best of Hollywoods Worst

So ridiculous, you wouldnt believe me if I told you.

Washington Post on Indecent Proposal

Disney nature porn.

The New Yorker on The Blue Lagoon

The funniest film of the decade I laughed my head off.

New York Times on The Concorde: Airport 79

The most enjoyably awful of Madonnas many awful movies.

Movieline on Body of Evidence

Promises us the moon and delivers Bruce Williss butt.

Washington Post on Color of Night

The cinematic equivalent of Cheez Whiz!

New York Times on From Justin to Kelly

THE OFFICIAL RAZZIE MOVIE GUIDE

Copyright 2005 by John Wilson

Foreword copyright 2005 by Peter Travers

All rights reserved.

Hachette Book Group

237 Park Avenue

New York, NY 10017

Visit our website at www.HachetteBookGroup.com

First eBook Edition: April 2010

ISBN: 978-0-446-51008-0

This book is dedicated to my father,
Donald Drew Wilson,
who gave me my lifelong love of movies,
and to my son,
Parker Drew Wilson ,
to whom I have passed it along

Contents

The dirty little secret about film critics such as myself is that the movies we watch for fun most often suck. Sure, we admire the landmarks from Citizen Kane to blah blah blah, but for kicking back at home, theres nothing like getting hold of a classic stinker on DVD, ripping off the wrapping with your teethit sharpens reflexes for the attackand settling in to feast on choice cinematic junk food.

Thats where the Razzies come in. Since 1980, the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation, headed by John Wilson, has been sticking it to Hollywood by awarding Razzies to the stars and filmmakers who shamelessly bite the big one. That the ceremony always takes place the day before the Academy Awards is particularly appropriate. Oscar night always finds the major studios taking bows for quality when we know that 90 percent of what they grind out is indisputable hoo-hah. The Razzies, in which Wilson and his cohorts dis-honor gutless winners who rarely show up unlike Tom Green, who admirably appeared with five feet of his own red carpetare the antidote to the Oscars and thereby indispensable. Nothing is better than a Razzie to burst the balloon of Tinseltown pretension.

What you have in your hand, fellow film freaks, is a book that celebrates all that is gloriously godawful about movies. Wilson couldnt be bothered with the glut of dull formula flicks that clog our multiplexes. A movie is only Razzie-worthy when its intrinsic awfulness sinks to levels so low that the pain of watching it turns to pleasure. You cant appreciate great movies without also learning how to savor the fabled fiascos. I dont trust any film buff who says different, just as I wouldnt trade my debates with fellow critics over whether a particular film is bad enough to deserve Razzie consideration.

In addition to listing all the Razzie nominees and winners since the awards inceptiona go-to list for unintentionally hilarious home entertainment unrivaled anywherethis book lets John Wilson fly on the essence of putrescence in cinema. To read Wilson on 1992s Body of Evidence, starring Madonnawho scored the third of her five Razzies as Worst Actress for this debacleis to experience critical writing at a level of mad inspiration. Who else is going to tell you that the infamous sex scene in which Madonna pours hot wax and cold champagne on Willem Dafoes nether region is on the DVD?

With Wilson as guide, its a kick to take a trip through Razzie historymy favorite stops being at Mommie Dearest, Showgirls, Battlefield Earth, and Swept Away. As a proud voting member in the Razzie Awards, I look forward to weighing in with my choices for years to come. Theres something cathartic about giving the razzle to a memorably dreadful movie. You know how to razzle, dont you? To redirect Bacalls line to Bogie in To Have and Have Not, you just put your lips together and blow. Then let Wilson do the rest. He can take down a movie with a single phrase that gives you the munchies for more, more, more. Thats what makes his affection for cinemas bottom rung contagious. Wilson only kills the things he loves.

Peter Travers

Rolling Stone

So many people have been a part of the Razzies over the years that an entire book could be filled just acknowledging their contributions and support. In terms of this book itself, I must first thank Sean Desmond for lighting the fire that got the project going, and my wife, Barbara Jean, for granting me the indulgence of pursuing the project to the exclusion of husbandly and fatherly duties. For their direct involvement in this book, its midwifing and birth, I must acknowledge my editor Jason Pinter of Warner Books and my agent Rob Robertson of Princeton Literary Management. For his gracious and enthusiastic agreement to write an intro and add his classy credential to this tome, I am Berry Grateful to Peter Travers of Rolling Stone. For their help in getting graphics, screener DVDs, and other materials helpful to creating the manuscript I must also thank Sue Procko (PR maven for Anchor Bay Entertainment), Spencer Savage of Image Entertainment, Sam Toles of Rhino Video, The Gang at Something Weird Video, too many Internet film critics to mention (who, to a one, when asked, were quick to respond with permission to quote their amusing reviews of various films in this book), and the many auctioneers and sellers at Amazon.com and eBay who rushed screeners to me from the four corners of the United States. On a personal level, I also need to thank Angie and Billy Hall, Allison Jo at Bernard B. Norman Pictures, Razzie stalwart Nancy Lilienthal (a.k.a. NLBP), Chuck Moran for Robot Monster, Kathryn R. at The Margaret Dumont Library, and Tom Higgins for giving me The Naked Kiss many years ago (and if you read something salacious into that last one, youre way too into Harold Robbins novels!). Lastly, Id like to once again mention my son, Parker, whose company in sitting through endless hours of Tinseltown trash made this project enjoyable in ways Ill remember for years to come.

It all started in my tiny living room alcove, in what People magazine would later call a run-down apartment in a seedy section of Hollywood. Twenty-five years later, the Razzies have grown into an annual media event that is covered by television, radio, newspapers, and magazines, amusing millions of people all over the world.

The Razzie Awards began at an Oscar-night potluck I hosted on Tuesday, March 31, 1981. You may recall that was the year the Oscars were postponed for twenty-four hours because John Hinckley shot newly inaugurated president (and retired B-movie star) Ronald Reagan. Immediately following that years 53rd Annual Academy Awards, my potluck party guests were hauled up to a hand-painted cardboard podium and asked to present or accept awards in eight categories. Both of the films that had inspired me to create the Razzies won dis-honors that evening. Olivia Newton-Johns roller-disco disaster Xanadu won Worst Director, while the Village Peoples Cant Stop the Music took Worst Screenplay and Worst Picture. The evening ended with an audience sing-along of lyrics I had written for Dead Entertainers, a tribute to all the stars who died in 1980, rhyming their names to the tune of Thats Entertainment. Every one of those guests later told me how much fun theyd hadand what a great idea Id come up with.

The next day, more out of curiosity than expectation, I sent a press release to a handful of newspapers and radio and TV stations, announcing the winners of what I was already calling the 1st Annual Golden Raspberry Awards. A few days later, the L.A. Daily News ran a story with the headline And the Winners Arent. The Razzies were officially launched.

The following year, we moved the ceremony to a mansion in Bel Air and I sent out an advance press release announcing nominations in nine categories. While the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences chose Chariots of Fire as Best Picture that year, Mommie Dearest swept the 2nd Annual Razzies with five dis-honors, including Worst Picture. Two Los Angeles newspapers, a TV station, and a radio station ran stories. And for the first time, a winner was informed of her award: A London newspaper claimed that when they told Mommie herself Faye Dunaway that she was named 1981s Worst Actress, she flew into a litigious rage!