John Wilson - Supporting People Through Loss and Grief: An Introduction for Counsellors and Other Caring Practitioners

Acknowledgements

A book like this is never written by one person. The perspiration is mine but most of the inspiration belongs to others. I would like to acknowledge these people.

Most importantly I would like to thank my clients who have taught me so much about loss and grief. I would like to thank my colleagues at Saint Catherines Hospice, in particular the Bereavement Supporters who have taken the time to ask about the projects progress. Thanks are due to my PhD supervisors, Lynne Gabriel and Hazel James, for helping me manage my research alongside this project, and to my counselling supervisor, Lucy Birtwistle, whose knowledge, skill and compassion continue to play a role in my professional development. Warm appreciation goes to my immediate colleagues Jan Pocknall, Flynne Readman, Martyn Tinker and Ann Wells, for both the loving support and the professional conversations that have contributed to this book. A very special thanks go to my Manager Kath Atherton and our Service Coordinator Mollie Woollard, similarly for their love and professional reflections, but also for tolerating my distracted lapses in departmental paperwork. I apologize for the extra pressure this has placed on you both.

I wish to express my gratitude to Katherine McGilly, Hilary Minter and Greg OSullivan for reading and commenting on chapters, to Stacey Sutton for proofreading the final draft and to the researchers and clinicians in this field that have taken time to read and comment on those sections of the manuscript that draw on their particular expertise: Sharon Cornford, Dodie Graves, Linda Machin, Robert Neimeyer, Colin Murray Parkes, Margaret Stroebe and Lois Tonkin. owes its existence to Golnar Bayat; in essence, the text of this chapter is hers.

Thanks to those who have generously granted permission to use diagrams I have taken from their own work and to Curtis Brown Ltd, agents for the estate of Laurie Lee, for permission to use the quote at the head of .

Final thanks go to my wonderful wife, Sandra, in part for putting up with the back of my head for the past six months, but especially for her ability with English grammar. Her contribution to punctuating the text has considerably improved its readability.

Appendix 9.1

Relating What I Have Learnt to the TEB Cycle

(After an Idea by Faulkner and Wallbank 1998)

Appendix 9.2

The Continuum Exercise

This activity requires a large teaching space. On opposite walls, tack two signs. One should read Strongly agree and the opposite one should read Strongly disagree.

Invite your students to stand in a group mid-way between the two signs. Then read from a list of statements designed to elicit each students opinion, belief or philosophical position.

For example, you may read out:

We each have a right to decide when we will die.

Or:

I will always strive to prevent a clients suicide.

Invite each student to stand between the two signs in a place that reflects the strength of his or her feeling. Invite each student to explain his or her position.

Appendix 9.3

Suggested Module Programme

Day 1

Introductions and contracting:

Students individual expectations

Ground rules, expectations

Models of learning:

Kolbs Learning Cycle

TEB cycle

Joharis Window

Keeping a reflective journal

Confidentiality:

Personal constructs and professional models

Stages of life experience:

Life changes

Personal narrative exercise

Study skills

Internet skills

Library skills

Independent study to build up a resource

Listening skills, theory and practice:

Listening skills active listening

Giving and receiving feedback appropriately

Day 2

Attachment and loss:

Presentation of attachment theory

Personal loss exercise

Personal attitudes and beliefs about loss sexuality, age, disability

Personal attitudes to death and dying

The helping relationship:

Working within boundaries

Carl Rodgers and the humanistic philosophy of self-actualization

The core conditions

Skills theory and practice:

Introducing triads

Giving feedback in your triad

Active listening

Barriers to effective listening

Day 3

Preparing to do the assignments:

Working definitions of bereavement, grief, grieving, mourning

Grief in a historical context

Factors affecting grief

The concept of complicated grief

Attachment styles developed: the work of Hazan and Shaver, and the work of Colin Murray Parkes (2006)

Skills theory and practice:

Using the core conditions:

Paraphrasing, reflecting, clarifying and summarizing

Day 4

The complexity of grief:

Active self-healing: the clients role

The role of the helping practitioner

Models of grief:

Assumptive world theory

Finding meaning, making sense

Grief and growth: Lois Tonkins Circles Model

Skills theory and practice:

Second level skills: focusing

Deeper level empathy

Day 5

Models of grief:

The Dual Process Model

Instrumental and intuitive grief

Linda Machins RRL model

Continuing bonds theory

Skills theory and practice:

Challenge and confrontation

Day 6

Working with difference

Skills theory and practice:

The concept of transference

Day 7

A systems approach to family grief:

Family sculpture

Skills theory and practice:

Supervision: its function, and how to make best use of it

Revising and consolidating listening skills

Day 8

Skills assessment

Rituals and endings

Ending with one another

Tutorials

Author Index

Abraham, K.,

Adams, L.,

Ainsworth, M.,

Ainsworth, M.D.S.,

Alford, J.,

Alvarez, W.,

Anderson, C.,

Archer, J.,

Archer, N.,

Atherton, J.S.,

Atherton, K.,

Attig, T.,

Averill, J.R.,

Bayat, G.,

Begley, S.,

Binswanger, L.,

Bloch, S.,

Boelen, P.A.,

Boerner, K.,

Bohart, A.C.,

Bond, T.,

Boorse, C.,

Bowen, M.,

Bowlby, J.,

Bowlby, R. (father of John),

Bowlby, R. (son of John),

Bowlby, T.,

Bowlby-West, L.,

Bretherton, I.,

Brown, R.J.,

Brcke, E.,

Burke, L.A.,

Callender, R.,

Capra, F.,

Carey, T.,

Carr, D.,

Chan, C.L.W.,

Chapman, A.,

Childs-Gowell, E.,

Clarke, D.,

Clukey, L.,

Coldridge, L.,

Cooper, M.,

Cooper, R.,

Cornford, S.,

Counts, D.A.,

Counts, D.R.,

Cozolino, L.J.,

Cuijpers, P.,

Currier, J.M.,

Damasio, A.,

Darwin, C.,

Davis, C.G.,

Dewey, J.,

Digby, K.,

Doka, K.,

Doka, K.J.,

Doolittle, H.,

Engel, G.L.,

Evers, K.E.,

Faulkner, A.,

Ferenczi, S.,

Folkman, S.,

Ford, H.,

Frank, E.,

Freud, A.,

Freud, J.,

Freud, S.,

Fry, M.,

Gabrieli, V.,

George, C.,

Gerson, R.,

Gilbert, K.R.,

Gittings, C.,

Glover, E.,

Gordon, T.,

Gorscak, B.,

Graves, D.,

Grosskurth, P.,

Gndel, H.,

Hall, E.T.,

Hansen, E.,

Hansson, R.O.,

Harlow, H.F.,

Hazan, C.,

Hinde, R.,

Horowitz, M.J.,

Hunt, K.,

Huxley, J.,

Immordino-Yang, M.H.,

Ingham, H.,

Jacobs, J.,

Jacobs, M.,

Janoff-Bulman, R.,

Jordan, J.R.,

Jupp, P.C.,

Kai, J.,

Kaplan, N.,

Kaufmann, G.,

Keats, J.,

Keesee, N.J.,