Michael Brunsfeld - Uncle Johns bathroom reader - fast acting, long lasting

Uncle Johns Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader

Michael Brunsfeld

Bathroom Readers Press (2012)

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Uncle Johns

FAST-ACTING
LONG-LASTING

B ATHROOM
R EADER

By the
Bathroom Readers
Institute

Bathroom Readers Press
Ashland, Oregon

OUR REGULAR READERS RAVE!

I love to read your books. They make the world a better place.

Dan A .

I worship your books. They are the best. Congratulations on making the only book Ive read in five years that I wasnt forced to read. Rock on!

Vincent D .

My four children, ages 12 through 18, have learned more from the Bathroom Readers than any other book. Cant wait for the next edition to come flowing out of the bookstores! You deserve a seat on the throne. You have helped us freshen up our intellect!

Linda L .

I have finally found a place of refuge in the worst of times. The BATHROOM. With your Bathroom Reader and an iPod, my bathroom experiences are great. Thanks. Keep bringing those books.

Tony C .

I learned a lot from Bathroom Readers . I only read two but its like reading 500 regular information books.

Randy R .

My son is CRAZY for Bathroom Readers! Every October he says, Dont forget my new BR for Christmas, Mom. And, of course, he gets one. (He got his buddies at work hooked on them, too.)

Marie S .

I love the Bathroom Reader series. Your books are funny, clever, informative, and at times, quite touching. Theyre a cross between the Encyclopedia Britannica, Poor Richards Almanac , and Mad Magazine . Keep up the great work!

Your #1 celebrity fan, Eddie Deezen (The guy who played Eugene in Grease , Malvin in WarGames , Dopey in Attack of the Killer Bimbos , and has voiced dozens of cartoon characters)

UNCLE JOHNS
FAST-ACTING LONG-LASTING
BATHROOM READER

Copyright 2005 by the Bathroom Readers Press (a division of Portable Press). All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.Bathroom Reader is a federally registered trademark of Baker & Taylor, Inc. Uncle John is a trademark of Baker & Taylor, Inc.For information, write:
The Bathroom Readers Institute,
P.O. Box 1117, Ashland, OR 97520
www.bathroomreader.com
888-488-4642Cover design by Michael Brunsfeld,
San Rafael, CA ()
BRI technician on back cover: Larry Kelp Uncle Johns Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader by the Bathroom Readers InstituteISBN-13: 978-1-60710-600-5E-book edition: Februrary 2012

* * *

Miss Nevada, 1959, was Dawn Wells. Five years later, she starred as Mary Ann on Gilligans Island . Hiya Sophie! Hiya Jesse!

THANK YOU!

The Bathroom Readers Institute sincerely thanks the people whose advice and assistance made this book possible .

Gordon Javna

John Dollison

Thom Little

Jay Newman

Julia Papps

Brian Boone

John Gaffey

Jeff Altemus

Malcolm Hillgartner

Jahnna Beecham

Michael Brunsfeld

Angela Kern

Rain Thering

Sharilyn Hovind

Gideon Javna

Sydney Stanley

Paul Stanley

Allen Orso

Jenny Baldwin

Nancy Toeppler

JoAnn Padgett

Jolly Jeff Cheek

Scarab Media

Jef Fretwell

Kristine Hemp

Dan Schmitz

Connie Vazquez

Richard Staples

Jeremy Busch

Debi Taylor

Kyle Coroneos

Rad Welles

Jack Mingo

Erin Barrett

Jennifer Thornton

Jennifer Browning

Dan Mansfield

Maggie Javna

(Mr.) Mustard Press

Steven Style Group

Mana Monzavi

Keziah Veres

Shannon Kehle

Angela Worthington

Barb Porshe

Paula Leith

Chris Olsen

Rebecca Kaiser

Porter the Wonder Dog

Thomas Crapper

* * *

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster is goes.

Andy Rooney

Huh? The word school comes from the Greek word for leisure.

CONTENTS

Because the BRI understands your reading needs, weve divided the contents by length as well as subject. Short a quick read
Medium 2 to 3 pages
Long for those extended visits, when something a little more involved is required * Extended for those leg-numbing experiences

* * *

Consumed at the 2005 Super Bowl in Houston, Texas

15,000 hot dogs, 9,000 gallons of soft drinks, 6,400 cookies, 4,000 baked potatoes, 3,000 barbecue sandwiches, and 261 gallons of chili. Super Bowl Sunday is the second biggest food consumption day of the year (after Thanksgiving).

A NOTE FROM YOUR FAVORITE UNCLE

W elcome one and all to our 18th edition, Uncle Johns Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader . We think the title is a pretty accurate description of the reading material youll find in any Bathroom Reader . Our articles not only provide you with fun information that you can absorb fast, we hope the knowledge you gain will be long-lasting, remaining in your brain for years to come. For instance, did you know that houseflies hum in the key of F? Now you do (and youll probably remember it for the rest of your life).

Whats the most astonishing thing weve learned after 18 years of making Bathroom Readers? Its that theres still so much to write about, so many fascinating topics to be explored (and so many bad jokes to tell). Each year we have to dig a little deeper to find them, but once again, the remarkable BRI staff has uncovered a treasure trove of fresh new topics. So expect to find a lot of little-known historical happenings that have had a lasting impact on the future: the first African-American sea captain, the phonograph wars, and the man who gave us leaded gas. On a happier note, youll also read about the person who may have saved a billion lives. How? Turn to .

What else have we got in store for you? Loads:

Origins: The boomerang, the clock, the spy novel, and nachos.

Curses! From the Ice Man to the Little Rascals.

Pop Science: Hiccups, canoe plants, modern maladies, mad scientists, and rigor mortis.

Sports: The long-awaited conclusion to the history of football tells the story of what happened when the pros took over.

Duh! Dumb crooks, dumb politicians, dumb celebrities, and a woman who called 911 because she was having a cheeseburger emergency at the drive-thru window.

Useful Information: Audio treasures, video stinkers, and survival tips that will come in handy in an array of catastrophes.

The Strange: A beauty pageant held in a Lithuanian womens prison, a tortoise that adopted an orphaned hippopotamus, and a toothless man who stole toothbrushes.

Now comes the part where I get to thank our dedicated staff for going the extra mile to bring you an extra-great book.

To our in-house outhouse writersJohn D, Thom, Brian, and Jay, all of whom spent hot summer days in the cool confines of our little, red house in Ashland, Oregongreat work! (And thanks for the laughs!)

A 21-flush salute to our out-house outhouse writersMalcolm, Jahnna, Jef Ef, Kyle, Ernest No More Doughnuts Cheek, Jack, Erin, Gideon, and Angie, whose feet adorn almost every page.

To our fabulous production staffJohn G., Jeff A., Jennifers terrific team of conscientious copyeditors, Rain, whom we will miss, Michael B., whos always got us covered, and Julia, whose managing prowess actually makes this book possiblethanks for 522 pages worth of hard work and dedication.

To Allen, Sydney, JoAnn, and our friends at Banta, thank you for the support.

To Porter the Wonder Dog. Youre simply the best dogever.

And finally, thank you , our faithful readers. Every day we get letters telling us how much our books mean to you. Well, you mean just as much to us. Were all just one big happy family keeping the bathroom reading movement alive. It brings a tear to my eye. (I have to go now, before I short out my computer.)

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