Johnson - A Little Book On Happiness

A Little Book Of Happiness

Jennifer Johnson

Published by Jennifer Johnson atSmashwords

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2014 Jennifer Johnson . All rights reserved, including theright to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any form. Nopart of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded,decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into anyinformation storage and retrieval system, in any form or by anymeans, whether electronic or mechanical without the express writtenpermission of the author. The scanning, uploading, and distributionof this book via the Internet or via any other means without thepermission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law.Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do notparticipate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrightedmaterials.

Catastrophe

I had just parked my car at work whenI realized that for the first time in my working life, I hadcompletely forgotten to bring my laptop. My body felt a quick waveof adrenaline. Panic. Shame. Failure. Basic fight or flight lizardbrain stuff.

My prefrontal cortex kicked in tryingto keep myself calm. I went into problem solving mode. I thoughtabout asking my husband to drive the laptop to me - but quicklykilled that idea because hed be dropping the kids off at schooland never make it in time for my meeting. I quickly ruled outdriving home to retrieve it, because the 14 miles round trip wouldtake too long. I did not want to risk being late for the training.The project managers didnt even want me there. What was aninventory accountant doing in a business process mapping class inthe first place?

I tried to turn off all that noise andcome up with a plan that would cause me less stress. As my last andleast favorite but most pragmatic choice, I decided to admit myimperfection and ask for help.

I went to the support desk and said,"Catastrophe, as humorously as I could manage, I need a loanerlaptop." They didn't give me a hard time. Instead, they quickly andefficiently gave me what I requested.

A little later that morning, I learnedthat the computer they gave me couldn't run the program I neededfor the training - but this ended up being a good thing. Instead, Iteamed up with the person who I was sitting next to. I learnedthings I would not have learned if I had to do it on my own. Ourteam work benefited both of us. This team work ended up beingcopied by others later in the day and helped the whole group getback on track on our training without having to staylate.

These moments are constantly runningthrough our lives.

The more we can let our guard down,admit our humanness, ask for help, work together, the happier wewill be.

Learning to SayNo

Each breath I take along this journeyof my life is another chance to start again.

This moment will only come once. Nowits gone. Now its just this moment here until the end of thissentence. Now its gone. If you try to relive it, its still a newmoment. You can only read these words for the first time once. Eachtime is unique.

This is a great gift, and I amthankful that change is constantly bubbling up fromwithin.

No matter how stuck I may feel in anygiven moment, the reality is, I am becoming unstuck, like it ornot.

The more a situation builds to a pointof discomfort, the more I will be pushed to transform. Picture theseed that is planted. It starts as just a tiny thing. It has novisual correlation to the thing that it will become. How do youexplain to a young child that a seed and the flower it can become,are the same thing in two different forms? The flower begins itsnew life when it is planted in the earth. It has no exposure tolight. It has the warmth of the earth, the nourishment thatsurrounds it in the soil, and water. It begins to sprout and growup toward the light.

At some point, the tiniest sign oflife is visible as the first tiny stem cracks the surface and thenthe roots grow deeper. More sun and water and nourishment and thestem shows signs of leaves, and eventually buds. Then that momentwhen the bud opens and the flower is seen.

What an incredible reminder to us. Howlike that flower we are.

It can take some of us our wholelifetime to blossom.

All of us can choose to help oneanother bloom.

Yes-o-holic

Hi, I am Jennifer and I am ayes-o-holic.

I say yes without stopping to considerwhat I may be saying no to.

I say yes to working late, which meansI say no to my family.

I say yes to whatever request hits myinbox, which means my more important work may not get done withinnormal business hours. I am on salary, so that means I say yes topaying myself less per hour.

I say yes to anyone and then findmyself saying no to myself. Case in point, my dentist office calledto remind me it has been seventeen months since my last cleaning. Ikeep putting it off because I can't fit it into myschedule.

I say yes to putting myselflast.

This is a story of awakening andchange.

How to stop living in fear. How tostop living on auto-pilot. How to stop putting myselflast.

The Wake Up Call

Friday August 22, 2014

I was sitting at my desk at work,doing a task that I have done literally thousands of times. Iwasnt particularly focused on the task at hand. It didnt requirethat much of my focus. I was thinking about half a dozen things inrapid succession. I was also holding my breath. I find that when Iget that feeling of my brain on fire, that to stop myself fromfeeling the stress, I tense my body and hold my breath. It kind ofdetaches me from that feeling of panic. It is my way of numbing ortuning out a little from everything that is going on.

In this moment between breaths, I feltlike my brain swayed. Like fainting, but not in my body. My entireconsciousness was outside of my body. My only awareness was of mybrain. Then, something shifted.

It was a very strange feeling.Everything I was aware of was almost pixelated, and then pushedback away from me and to the left and down. Not normal. I tried toresume my task, but the things I had been working on just didntquite make sense. I averted my eyes from the screen and tried totake a breath. My heart was racing a little. I got up from my deskto go talk to a co-worker.

I made it to the reception area when Iremembered my friend was taking the day off. I diverted my path,two more friends away from their desks on a quiet Friday in August.I saw Anne, she and I have worked together for over 15 years. Istopped her and described what had happened. I asked her to listento me and track to see if I looked ok and was making sense. Shesaid I was.

I returned to my desk, but toldBeverly (who sits across from me) what had happened. I just wantedsomeone to keep an eye out for me in case I keeled over. Sherecommended I go to the doctor. I compromised and said I would callthe advice nurse.

I called the number at 9:48 am. I hadto enter my medical record number. This is a number that Imemorized when I was young. It is an easy number for me - only 7digits and the last two are the same. I tried to enter the numberon my phone, and I couldnt. I was close but not quite.I let theoperator know Id entered the wrong number, she laughed becausethat had been obvious. The medical record number Id entered wasfor a person who would be 120 years old.

I started describing what was goingon. She said, I am going to transfer you to the advice nurse. Youshouldnt experience a wait because I am making this as a prioritycall. That didnt comfort me. Uh oh, this is serious.

I was on hold briefly and I explainedto the advice nurse what was going on. She arranged for a doctor tocall me back for a phone consultation.

I tried to call my husband but hedidnt answer. I sent my husband a text message at 10:05 am Hadweird thing happen y brain felt kike it swayed waiting for phoneconsult w doctor."