Rivera Jenni - Her name was Dolores: the Jenn I knew

I n September 2012, just a few months before Jenni Riveras fatal plane crash, Jens career was as hot as it gets. She was at the top of her game musically, she had TV deals and fans that numbered in the millions, and she was selling out arenas on the regular, but her personal life was in complete disarray. Her complicated matrix of relationships, which had always been fraught with different levels of disappointment and betrayal, was now spinning out of control before her eyes, and everything reached a boiling point around the time Jen was killed in that jet. Maybe it was because of her extreme celebrity, or because of the catastrophic quality of the accident. Perhaps it was because of the fanfare and sadness and everything that comes with such an unexpected tragedy. Whatever the reason, after her death, no one spoke up about what was really unfolding in Jens life at the time of her death. Until now. Im here to lay it on the line and give it to you straight.

After Jenni Rivera passed away on December 9, 2012, my nights were peppered with vivid dreams that haunted my waking hours. I tried to decipher these apparitions of my beloved old friend and sister by choice, but wasnt sure how to interpret them. All I know is that they moved me to the deepest core of my heart and soul and will forever be etched in my memory. The first one took place on a mountaintop. Jen and I stood together overlooking the entire city below. She was wearing a beautiful white gown and kept repeating, Its okay. It had to be this way, and its okay. Dont worry. I glanced in her direction, speechless, frozen in place. As she continued repeating this statement, tears streamed down my face, we turned back to the view of the city lights before us, and I woke up.

In another dream, she showed up in her casual sweat suit, the warmups she lived in when the spotlight was off, and once again said to me, Its okay, it had to be this way, dont worry. Then she added a classic Jenni phrase, Tell the kids to knock their shit off, and ended it with, Tell Rosie to be sure to listen. If I was a betting man, I would bet my last dollar that the person in this dream was really Jen. As her words melted into my consciousness, I suddenly felt my wife by my side waking me and asking, Are you okay? She had felt me murmuring in my sleep, struggling to speak in my dream to no avail. Jens presence was as strong as ever. I felt she had just visited me, but as wonderful as it was to see her again, it also stirred up endless amounts of pain from the reality of her recent death. Nevertheless, rather than sweeping these dreams under the rug or deleting them from my memories, I decided to hold on to them and replay them in my mind.

I was unable to speak in these dreams, so maybe Jens point was for me to listen. Were these just dreams, or could they really be a message I should take to heart? While I pondered the possibilities, the dreams stopped as abruptly as theyd begun until four years later, when I began working on this book and the Univision series about Jens life. It was a sign. As worried as I had been about broaching these projects to the best of my ability and knowledge, I believe Jen wouldve wanted me to speak the truth in her straight-shooting, no holds barred fashion. The time has come for the Jen I knew to see the light of day.

Besides being her close friend and manager, I wore many hats in Jens life. I was her security. I was her advisor. I was her ride. I was her balance. I was her backup. I was her right hand. I was her sounding board. I was her brother. And given these many roles, I was intimately caught in the web of her personal issues, including problems with her kids, siblings, parents, husbands, and friends. I was there for support, damage control, or just to lend an ear and make her feel safe.

There was a lot of shit going down behind closed doors. It was far from a perfect life, but Jen never felt the need to hide any of this because she knew it made her who she was. After her passing, it seemed everyone and their mother came out of the woodworks trying to become Jens voice, trying to tell their picture-perfect version of her story, trying to apologize for her mistakes. But I know Jen, and she wasnt one to apologize. She stood her ground and didnt back down, unless she believed making amends was the right choice, because no matter how stubborn she was, she also had a huge heart and was an incredibly loyal friend. The world saw her as a force to be reckoned with, but she was actually a soft and gentle soul, and one of her deepest secrets was simply her vulnerability.

Now, let me make one thing clear before we go on. This book is not intended to shame Jens family or anyone else for that matter. I just want to clarify and explain the complexity behind Jens life. I want you to join me in celebrating her strengths and acknowledging her weaknesses so that you can fully understand the perfectly imperfect beauty behind her magic. Jenni the Diva was not an overnight success. Her outstanding career was a product of love, tireless work, and endless battles. She demolished all the road blocks, pummeled all the naysayers, and beat all the odds to shatter several glass ceilings and rise to the top. Thats why this book is so important to me. In reading Jens official autobiography, one that her family finished writing for her after her death, I felt it was chock-full of lipstick. But that wasnt Jen. The Jen that I knew wasnt about a lot of lipstick; she was raw and real. Thats what her fans loved about her, and thats what Im hoping to convey in these pages.

It took me four years to share my Jen story because at first I felt an inherent need to protect her, but now I realize that her life and legacy are meant to be shared and celebrated. I have no ulterior motives. As her close friend and brother by choice, I simply want to do right by her, and if I have to take any heat, Im ready, as ready as Jen wouldve been if she were here with us today. All I want is for you, the reader, the fan, the admirer, the curious onlooker, to feel and understand the ups and downs, the ins and outs, and the tears and laughs that made Jen the stellar artist and human being we all grew to know and love. It was a tough ride, but worth absolutely every second of it. May these pages bring you some sense of closure and may they inspire you not only to keep Jenni Riveras legacy alive and thriving, but also to accomplish your lifelong goals and dreams, no matter how difficult the journey ahead. I know thats what the Jenni I knew wouldve wanted for you, so, taking a page from her story, dont let anyone or anything ever hold you back and make sure to enjoy the ride.

J enni crouched down, sat on a parking lot wheel stop outside the hospital, and slowly looked up at me, her dark brown eyes brimming with pain and heartache, simply broken.

Are you okay? I asked her.

Yeah, Im fine, she said as she glanced away.

No, you cant lie to me. Your eyes always tell me the truth.

Jennis eyes were the mirrors to her soul; one glance and I could see through all the smiles and jokes and bullshit and know how she was really feeling.

Ah, badass Pete, I hate when you do that to me, she replied in classic Jenni style.

When asked about the last time I saw Jenni Rivera, I inevitably go back to that day, November 28, 2012. My father had just passed away a few hours earlier, and Jennimy steadfast, kind, giving, loyal, longtime friendwas there, right by my side, offering my family and me her moral support. My fathers death was not sudden, it was not unexpected, he had been sick for a while, and we knew it was imminent. So we were incredibly fortunate to be by his side, surrounding him with love, encouraging him to let go, reassuring him that we would be okay, and I had the honor and privilege of holding his hand as he took his last breath and left this world. This type of loss is far from easy, but there was a sense of peace and closure that enveloped my family and me that day, one that we were also able to transmit to my father as he passed on, one that I only wish Jenni couldve had when her life came to a crashing end.