Heather Arnel Paulsen - Emotional Purity (Includes Study Questions): An Affair of the Heart

emotional PURITY

Copyright 2007 by Heather Arnel Paulsen

Published by Crossway Books
a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers
1300 Crescent Street
Wheaton, Illinois 60187

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided for by USA copyright law.

The author is represented by the literary agency of The Livingstone Corporation, 351 South Main Place, Suite 110, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188.This book is produced with the assistance of The Livingstone Corporation (www.livingstonecorp.com). Project staff includes Dana Veerman, Linda Taylor, and Bruce Barton.

Cover design: Jon McGrath

Cover photo: Jimi Allen Photography, Inc.

First printing, 2007

Printed in the United States of America

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible: English StandardVersion, copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from The Holy Bible: The New American Standard Bible. Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from The Holy Bible: New International Version. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. The NIV and New International Version trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by International Bible Society. Use of either trademark requires the permission of International Bible Society.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Paulsen, Heather Arnel.
Emotional purity : an affair of the heart / Heather Arnel Paulsen.
p. cm.
ISBN 13: 978-1-58134-855-2 (tpb)
ISBN 10: 1-58134-855-X
1. Chastity. 2. Dating (Social customs)Religious aspectsChristianity.
3. Single peopleConduct of life. 4. MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.
BV4647.C5P38 2007 2006032418

241'.66dc22

VP 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 09 08 07
15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To Miles and Luke,

you were my inspiration.

Contents

TO GOD ALMIGHTY: Words cannot express my deep love and gratitude I have toward You. May You receive all the glory.

To my dear husband, John Patenaude: Thank you for saving your whole heart for me and me alone.

To my faithful parents and sisters, Arne, Julie, Colleen, and Lesli: Without your daily love and honesty this book would not exist.

To the staff at Livingstone: Thank you for your countless hours of editing and pouring yourselves into this project.

IT WAS A CRISP, FALL DAY in 1999 when I first sat in front of my computer and began to type a journal to my future children. I always thought it would be interesting to peer into my parents past through their journal, so I wanted to give my children a window into my world.

I was twenty-four years old, single, and had experienced a handful of relational hurt and pain. I wanted to share what I was (and am) seeing in the world around mea Christian culture that speaks of abstinence and physical purity but fails to comment on what I believe is a crucial part of close relationships: emotional purity. I am seeing a pattern develop with male/female friendshipsemotional closeness with no commitmenta pattern that always leads to heartache and that lays heavy on my heart.

In my own life I have struggled with Gods plan for me as a single woman. About three years before I began to write this book, I saw how an intense desire to be married overrode many of my choices. I realized I was always on the hunt for a husband, and this hunt led me to a place of unrealistic expectations and heartache. I knew this wasnt what God wanted to develop in me through my male friendships. I desired to please God in everything, and I wanted Him to take delight in my walk with Him. So I began to search Gods Word, and it clearly showed that He desires all my relationships to be purebeginning with emotional purity.

God also showed me how to have peace. I knew that God would not keep me single a day longer than He planned. Contentment, peace, and joy replaced frustration, worry, and discontent.

As I wrote to my future children, God began to show me that not only was this message for them, but it was also for all His children. He began to show me the impact that an understanding of emotional purity could have on the Christian single culture.

After this book was first published in 2001, I traveled and spoke all over the country. I saw firsthand how the message of emotional purity was changing lives. Men and women, old and young, married, single, and divorcedeveryone gained a fresh perspective on what God meant when He said, Above all else, guard your heart (Prov. 4:23, NIV). It was fascinating to watch God transform His children.

Through the lives of fictional characters, the first chapter provides a reference point for the entire book. Tracy and Mikes relationship represents the male/female interactions between many young Christian singles. Their story helps us begin to unravel the confusing aspects of emotional purity.

The chapters following the story examine their relationship and the importance of guarding your heart. I provide you with tools to remain emotionally whole for your future mate and also share what Gods plan is for singles and what Gods Word says about emotional purity.

At the end of Chapters 4, 5, 12, and 14 I have included a For Guys Only section. Women, Im sure there are men who you think need to learn a thing or two about emotional puritythese are the Cliff Notesfor certain sections. These can be read on their own or with the entire chapter. My hope is that young men also will be encouraged to examine emotional purity in their lives.

Although I was single when this book was first published, I did later marry, as shared in Chapter 16 of this new edition. But prior to marriage I did struggle with many of the issues discussed here. I am not sharing theory but real-life challenges and concerns as I and many others have experienced them.

Read with an open heart and mind. I pray that God will speak to you and will use this book in a powerful way in your life. May God bless you as you read.

SINCE TRACYS MOVE A WEEK AGO, she had already attended a local Bible church and immediately made a new friend. She felt nervous as she waited for Emma to pick her up for Wednesday night fellowship.

As she curled her hair, picked out the right outfit, and fussed over her makeup, her heart said a thousand prayers. Tracy longed for a friend, and having had a great time at lunch on Sunday, she thought maybe Emma would fit the part. The doorbell rang. Six-thirty on the dot.

Ready? Emma asked.

Tracy grabbed her jacket. Lets go!

It didnt take long to reach the home where the gathering was taking place. Emma rang the bell, but before her finger released the button, the door opened to a tall guy with a welcoming smile. For a moment Tracy felt blown over by the very good-looking man in the doorway. She quickly regained her composure as she remembered that she was not there to meet the one. He extended his hand toward them. Hi. My name is Mike Hartman, and you?

Emma confidently extended her hand. Emma. Nice to meet you.
Tracy Kass, Tracy said bashfully and slowly offered her hand to Mike.